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How My Abortion Has Almost Ruined My Life…

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I got an e-mail from a lady who had read one of my articles about Teen Parenting. After reading it, I thought everyone should know her story on abortion. There are so many women out there that are using abortion for their birth control. There are so many women who are going into abortion clinics and are blind as to what is going to happen. If you have read anything of mine, you would already know that I am Pro-Life. I would rather see parents make an adoption plan or parent the baby rather than have an abortion. People think that abortion is the ‘quick fix,’ but it’s not. Here is our guests story.

I was a senior in high school and I had the college I wanted to attend already picked out with a scholarship to go along with it. One night at a party I had a little too much to drink and one thing lead to another. I had a one night fling with someone who I thought was my friend, but turned out he was a whole different person when he realized that I was pregnant. He also had a full scholarship to go play baseball. He told me “he wasn’t ready to be a dad and that I should just take care of it.” I didn’t tell a soul, even though rumors began to fly.

One morning, I got up, told my parents that I wanted to drive out to the campus that I was planning to attend in the fall, but instead, I had found an abortion clinic that I was going to go to. I had already talked to them on the phone and made an appointment. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked in and it was like a normal doctor’s office. There were some pregnant ladies in there that were even obviously showing in their pregnancy. The informed me I wouldn’t see anything. I was only 5 weeks along, so it would be a quick process. I remember just closing my eyes and hearing the most awful sounds.

I got home and couldn’t sleep for days. I was depressed. A couple days later, my mom pulled me aside and asked about my abortion. She had seen the paperwork that was sent home with me under the seat of my car. She told me I was to tell nobody. She was in shock. We were Christians and always had been involved in the church. She couldn’t believe what I had done.

I went on to college, and my life somewhat normal. I had weird dreams about the abortion..even years later down the line. I met the guy of my dreams at college. We graduated and got married shortly after. He was so excited to start having children, but I had a heavy heart and couldn’t stop thinking about the baby I had aborted 5 years earlier. I got pregnant really quick. He (my husband) couldn’t wait to text a picture to everyone of the positive pregnancy test. Everyone was excited. Just 3 weeks later, I miscarried the baby that I was pregnant with. It was like a slap in the face. I had lost a baby all over again. My husband was stayed pretty positive. After 4 miscarriages, I told him I wanted to stop trying for a little while. This began to cause problems in our marriage..big ones.

By this point, I am taking a medication for anxiety attacks and a sleep aid. I visited my ob/gyn. She informed me that scarring from the abortion was keeping me from being able to carry a child. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All my husband wanted was a family…and I wasn’t able to give him children. I didn’t know what to say.

Now, it’s been almost 11 years since my abortion. I have still yet to get pregnant. I am divorced. I did come out and tell my ex-husband about my abortion. I have told my closest friend from high school. I don’t want this to seem like a bad, awful story with a cruddy ending. But I have had to endure a lot of heartache.

I saw my ex-husband quickly remarry and have a child within the first year of marriage. My Dad wants to comfort me, but he doesn’t know the whole story about my abortion. My mother and I haven’t had a good relationship since the blow-up we had when she found my abortion papers. Yes, she accepts me, but is my closer to my older sister and brother who live great lives. My life is full of blessings, but I wish I wouldn’t have ever had an abortion. It’s caused physical, emotional and mental issues with me. I volunteer my time sitting outside the same abortion clinic trying to talk girls out of it. I don’t want to shove it down anyone’s throat..but I want people to be aware. Don’t make the same heartless, selfish decision that I did.

I am grateful for our guest for sharing her story with us. Wow. You truly never know what it’s like to go through an abortion. Society covers it up good and makes it like it’s a quick problem solver, but never goes into details about the possible risks that come with it. If you are someone who is pregnant and thinking of abortion, please consider making an adoption plan and giving your baby a life. Feel free to e-mail me and talk–completely confidential.

If you are suffering after having an abortion, you are not in this alone. Please reach out to someone and talk things over.

Please like, share, and tell us your thoughts. Are you a teen parent with a story? We want to hear from you!

Lord, I pray for all these teenagers that are facing the hard decision of abortion, making an adoption plan or to parent the baby. Give us courage, Lord, courage to make the right decision, courage to stand up for what is right, and courage if we have made a decision we regret. Give us strength each day and guide us as we are going through this. In Jesus Name!

Until next time….be encouraged!

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A Letter to the Teenage Parent

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To the Teenage Mom,

I know that finding out that you are pregnant can be so scary! How do you tell your parents? How do could you have let this happen? How will you raise the child? I know! I have been there and done that. If I could sit and have a chat with my teenage self after I found out that I was pregnant, I would say– own up to your responsibility, but remember to keep the respect for parents. Be more kind towards parents as they find out and not aggressive, but it does hurt them to see us travel down this road. Even though you think your world is ending, it’s not, it’s just beginning. Just because you are a Teenage Mom, maybe your life isn’t going as planned, but it’s okay to not have the same ending as you planned. Don’t get too caught up in “making things work” with your baby’s daddy if things aren’t going as planned. I used to beat myself up because neither of my oldest two children had their dad…we didn’t have the family I thought at the time we should have. If it doesn’t work with your baby’s father, don’t ever use the baby as a weapon. Never let your child hear you bad mouth their father. Respect them too–even if they aren’t doing right by the baby.  Give them the opportunity to know their father if their father’s are willing.  You can still be young, but be smart and remember that you are a role model for your child. Don’t drop your kids on other people. I know we still want freedom, but remember to be responsible. Don’t worry about what people say about you. They don’t know your situation and the people that talk worse about others are those who are the most miserable. Let your child know how much you love them. I know the “easy” way out may cross your mind, but no decision about your pregnancy is ever easy–the quicker you realize, the better off you will be. I don’t think women should abort their babies just because they don’t want them. If abortion has crossed your mind, be sure to pray about it and think of all the women who would die to be in your shoes right now. A baby isn’t a mistake–you’re not a mistake. Whatever problems you are facing will eventually go away. You will and can be such a great mom! 🙂

To the Teenage Dad,

Teenage Dads get such a bad rep–they really do. I know a lot of men say that they will take care of their babies, and I really think they have good intentions of it, but seriously, if you get a girl pregnant, take care of your responsibilities. I know many men who encourage abortion, don’t ever use the line “I can’t take care of that baby, get an abortion.” Never encourage abortion. I don’t care how hard the situation may seem! If you encourage anything, encourage making an adoption plan! I can think of countless babies that have never met or known their fathers–or they have fathers that want to be a father when it’s convenient for them. Make a vow to yourself and your child that this will not be you. If it doesn’t work out with the baby’s mom, don’t let that keep you from your child. Support your child always, and always know that even after they are 18, they will still need their Daddy. I know it can be easier said than done, but respect your child’s mother and never let that child hear you say a cross word about their mother. If you have to work at McDonald’s–get a job and support that baby! I don’t care if your whole paycheck goes to taking care of that baby! If you get visitation rights, take advantage of them! If you don’t get visitation rights, fight for them! Your child NEEDS you! If you don’t get visitation rights because of “how you are” then realize that it’s not ALL about YOU!  So many men walk around with nice shoes and the latest game systems, but remember it isn’t about you anymore. Respect your baby’s mother’s parents. They are hurt and let down–end the end remember it’s not all about you, even though they may put it like it is. Put your baby first. I know dad’s don’t have all the responsibility of carrying, delivering and caring for the baby, but try to be a part of every bit of it. You can and will be a good father! Don’t accept anything less than being a good father!

On the Days When You Feel Like a Single Parent.

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My husband I both have lead really busy lives during the course of our marriage. It seems like we have done things backwards. We started a blended family, got married, didn’t think we had enough children–so we added to the fix, then decided college and work would be the best ideas. There have been times in our marriage where we have both felt like we were single parents.

Maybe you are in a relationship or you are married and have children and often thinking of yourself as a single parent. I know I often thought, “What’s the point of being in a relationship or marriage if I feel like I am just doing everything on my own.” It is hard living busy lives and having a family while being married or in a relationship.

At the beginning of our marriage, we had so much on our plate and I found myself really lonely and depressed. I felt completely disconnected to my husband. I knew he needed to work and finish school since he had already started, but dang, it was hard. There were nights that I would have the baby and driving around in the car all hours of the night while the rest of the house slept. There were days where I didn’t get much sleep and had to be at work the next morning. It physically, mentally, and emotionally drained me!

Looking back on the times where I felt like I was a “single parent,” I wish I would have known then what I know now. And, what I know now is that it only lasts for a period of time in our lives. When we are going through the struggle, we never think that we will get our spouse back! Maybe you are having a hard time with your children and feeling like you are doing all the parenting on your own. Maybe you have a spouse overseas. Maybe you have a relationship that needs to be evaluated.

The one thing that I always did wrong back in the day, was not express to my husband my feelings (or the right way anyway..) If you are feeling like a “single parent,” talk to your husband about your feelings. Don’t yell. Don’t gripe. Don’t play the blame game. But, simply let your spouse know that you are having a hard time feeling connected to them. Let your spouse know that you are feeling emotionally drained. Ask your spouse what they suggest.

Also, if you are having a hard time, as with anything in life, pray about it! Pray that God will give you strength! Still to this day, my husband stays busy and often has to go out of town. I once heard a Pastor at a church tell a single woman (she was really single) that God could be her husband until she found one! God could be the father to her children. At first, I was like..”Whhaaaa?” But, it was just this morning that I said, “Lord, I need your help to remember things!” “I need your help with the kids and their behavior!” (Because they tend to run over me or not listen as well when Daddy is gone!) I still have hard days, but in the end, I know I’m blessed.

Let me pray for you. Lord, I pray for these moms and even dads at are feeling like they are single parents. I pray that they are able to communicate their concerns and feeling to their spouses or significant others in a way that they will understand and receive it well. I pray that they are able to restore and work on time spend together. I pray for families that are struggling! Lord just help us and give us strength and while our other halves are out of commission, Lord, you be in control! In Jesus’ name!!!

Growing Up Overnight…Teen Parenting

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This blog is full of encouragement for everyone…including teenage parents. I am here to tell a little bit of my story and hopefully shine some encouragement on those that are finding out they are going to be parents.

I remember the fear that I felt when I finally grasped the concept that I was going to be a Mother…to a child…when I was still a child myself. I was so scared and had no clue what my life would hold. I thought my life was over. In a perfect world, I thought, “I am about to have a baby with ‘the man of my dreams’ and we will get married, get a small house, and we will live happily ever after.” Gosh, was I wrong.

My parents and family along with his parents and family found out that I was pregnant. They were all crushed and disappointed, as any parent would be. I couldn’t even face my Dad because I had let him down so much and I knew it. I had to go to school but hated it because there I was wobbling down the halls getting so many awful looks from other students and even teachers. I spent most of the time in the bathroom stalls crying and just wishing my life was over. I had no clue what to do or how to act. I believe it was during this time where I really found out what depression was.

There was a lot of trouble after the baby was born. The father of the baby and I didn’t last long after the baby was born. Even after we had a baby and had been through everything..pregnancy, fighting, our parents clashing because they had different points of view on how to raise the baby….my child’s father still had just one thing on his mind. I could punch him in his throat….not really, but in my head, thinking about that right now. As I mentioned, we didn’t last long. It wasn’t long until he had moved on with his life and here I was trying to raise a kid, sleepless nights, arguing with my parents, going to school, trying to live a normal life.

I decided I needed to get in church. Hey, it’s the least I could do, right? So there I was, getting dropped off at church with my baby. I had always believed in God, but didn’t know what it was like…or even get a glimpse of how to have a relationship with Him. I thought, “I am going to Hell because I have had a kid..” “I can’t make my life right..” “I’m such a screw-up.” Those church folks didn’t really know what it was like to have a relationship with Jesus either, because they thought the same things that I did…that I was going to Hell, I couldn’t make my life turnaround, and I was a screw-up. I still went to church and have no clue why, I guess I was trying to raise my child in church. I wanted and still want more for my kids than I have.

Looking back, I realize that that enemy that I always talk about started telling me lies right off the bat. That I was worthless, not worthy of God’s love, that I was a screw-up. I stayed mad and upset at myself for a long time I don’t even want to think about what kind of person I was. I am sure I was much less than pleasant to deal with. I am sure a lot of teenage parents think the same thing. They have messed up their lives and clueless of what to do. I learned to just let the haters motivate me. I graduated school…and college..and got married. The father of my oldest child hasn’t been a part of their lives, but in my eyes, we’ve done just fine without him.

If you are a teenage mom, don’t lose hope. Just do the best you can and if you are doing the best you can, don’t listen to what other people have to say about you. Until they have walked in your shoes, they have no room to talk. Don’t get too down if it doesn’t work out with the father of your baby. I stayed upset at that for a long time, and still from time to time wonder why the father of my child has chosen to not be a part of my child’s life. He’s missed so much because he chose to do him first.

If you are a teenage father, do what you are supposed to do for the baby. No, you might not make it with the mother of your child, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to cut tithes with your baby. Have a relationship with your children because it really does something to their lives when you aren’t present in their lives. Support your child, because it is hard to raise a child on your own.

Being a teenage parent doesn’t mean your life is over, it just mean you will have a different ending that you expected. I’m praying for you!

Know someone who is pregnant? E-mail them this post!

Until next time….be encouraged!!!

On the days where you don’t feel like a “Super Parent”

My husband and I have been married close to a decade. We have the “Yours, Mine and Ours” thing going on, and let’s just be honest, with all of our children, I just have days (more than I would like to have) where I feel like my whole world of parenting is coming crashing down on me. I am good to have a smooth morning, but someone is bound to have a meltdown and this was the morning that all of them decided to have a meltdown. One of my children didn’t want to wear the shirt I picked out for them, they wanted something completely different. The didn’t want the breakfast options that we had. We were running late. We were running late and one of them was missing their homework assignment. Geeze…..my head felt like it was going to explode!

Why do we get in our minds that we have to “have it all together?” I am going through these disasters, and thinking “Oh my gosh, look at that mom dropping off her kid, she has it ALL together.” While I am over here wiping the peanut butter off my yoga pants and brushing my hair back so I will look presentable enough and like I am not a Zombie-fied mom when I drop my kids off. I think we get it in our minds how our lives SHOULD be and we forget that God has made us all different. That’s right. We don’t have to have it all together ALL the time. Even the mother is her neatly ironed shirt, perfect hair and makeup and kids that are so eager to go to school has bad days. Plus, we never know what people are going through on the inside.

We all choose how we take our days. I’ve learned to wake up each morning and think, “Yes, today my children might act all crazy..” “Yes, I might wake up in an awful mood..” But you know what, I can ROCK this bad day. We, or I, had it in my mind that my children were no entitled to have bad days. We need to know God will never give us more than we can handle. He has given us the gift of parenting because we are capable of doing it. So let’s choose to take our capability to parent and rock it! Seriously!

Becoming a parent at such a young age, I constantly compared myself to other mother’s. “They are older and married.” “They have a good job, a good house, a dependable more nicer vehicle.” I still catch myself comparing myself to other parents. If you are a teenage parent, the things that got me through is motivation from my haters. When I heard whispers saying, “I don’t know how she is going to take care of that kid and finish school.” Or, “I don’t know how she is going to do this or that with a kid on the way.” Those people just motivated me to PROVE THEM WRONG!

I read something the other day that said, “Here all these parents are making rainbow spaghetti and I’m all like, “Yay my kids are still alive.” Haha! So true. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you are doing the BEST you can, then give yourself a pat on the back. Sometimes, I realize that I’m not doing the best I can. I lose patience. I get frustrated. I cry. I get mad. Choose to teach your children how to handle hard situations like “I can’t find my homework…” or “I don’t want to wear this shirt because it’s itchy…”

Smile today. Our kids might have been grumpy this morning, but this afternoon, let them know how much you love them. Hug and kiss them…or give a high-five to the “too cool teenager who no longer wants Mama kisses!”

Have a wonderful weekend!

Until next time….be encouraged!!!

Welcome to My Blog

Welcome to my blog! 🙂

Over the past coupe of months, I have really thought of all of the life experiences that I have been through. Of course, we all go through things in our lives, some good and some bad, sometimes we have times that make us laugh and other times that make us cry. I wanted to use my experiences to share with the world just some of the things that I had been through and hopefully give hope to others going through similar things or maybe even the same things as I’ve been through.

I named my blog Holds to Hope after a scripture that is found in 1 Corinthians 1:9, GOD IS FAITHFUL, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. There have been many times i my life where I have been through troubled times, and not wanted to hold on to hope. As a matter of fact, I was wondering where God was and where was my hope?!

I hope that you will enjoy and find hope in reading that one can go through things and survive and get stronger. And I pray that this blog encourages you throughout the way. Note, I have never had any experiences with blogging! But, I am learning! If you ever have any questions, comments or need prayer, please feel free to contact me!!

Until next time…be encouraged! 🙂