RSS Feed

Tag Archives: Hurting

To the Person Who Has Had an Affair.

worried-girl-413690__180

To the person who has had an affair.

For whatever reason the affair has ended, it doesn’t matter. I wanted to post this for the people who have had an affair. Maybe you were married and had an affair on your spouse and maybe you aren’t married and had an affair with someone who is married or maybe both parties were married–if you have been a person who has had an affair, if I could give any advice to you, it would be, not to beat yourself up too bad. When we make any kind of mistakes, we tend to beat ourselves up, feel stupid for our actions and really just downright beat ourselves up!

Usually people who have had affairs that have ended knows the pain that they have caused people. They know what they did was wrong. They feel bad as well. Just because you made a wrong decision, doesn’t make you a bad person. We all might not have affairs, but we all do wrong things from time to time in our marriages.

If your marriage has survived an affair thus far, then treat your spouse with respect and allow them time to heal what they feel was destroyed from the affair. Show your spouse the love that your marriage lacked in the first place. Vow to your spouse that you will never do it again and never meant to make such careless mistakes in the past. Give your spouse a reason to trust you again. Be very open with your spouse, because that’s what they need. Stay connected with your spouse. If you ever feel yourself leading back towards being tempted, pray about it and seek help. Never make the same mistake again. Learn from this mistake!

Affairs are messy, they hurt people, break people, make people feel worthless in the end, but I believe whatever Satan throws at us that is meant to hurt us, God can turn it around into something good.

If you were ”the other person” and run into the man/woman’s spouse, sincerely tell them that you are sorry, because they deserve an apology. Sometimes, that apology is what they need in order to move along because in their minds, they believe you are not trustworthy, they hold anger and hatred towards you and what you’ve done. Find a way to let them know how sorry you were. Don’t make excuses for your actions, but be open and just let them know you are sorry for your actions. If you can’t tell them face to face that you are sorry, then find a way. But pray about it first. They might not take to it very well, but later on, I believe that they will honor your apology. But, never apologize if you have any intentions on messing with the man/woman again!

I hope that this has helped people who have been apart of affairs. I have spent almost the whole month talking about affairs, but I really think that marriages struggle with getting over them and it was really on my heart to share.

Lord, I pray that the people that have had affairs can find self worth in themselves. I pray that you will help them Lord to not make the same mistakes again. Maybe the affairs they were in were set up by our enemy, but Lord, help them to turn this MESS into a MESSAGE! To you be the glory! There are many people on the verge of having affairs, and I pray that people that have already had affairs can minister to them and to tell them that it’s not worth it! I pray that you give them the strength and courage to apologize to the people that they have hurt along the way, whether it be the spouses of the men/women they were having affairs with, family members that they have hurt or disappointed along the way. I pray for restoration in this situation! I pray for healing in this situation! Amen!

Until next time…be encouraged!

Social Media=Playground for Affairs

Posted on

font-533232__180

When Social Media starts creeping in on your marriage!

I saw a post the other day that said, “Welcome to Facebook: Where people think your status is about them, people add you but will never talk to you in public, affair are started and your enemies visit your profile the most!” Now, how true is this! Statistics show that over 80% of divorce attorneys mention or have proof that affairs have been started via social media. How scary are those statistics?

If you just spend a couple minutes on a social media site, you will most likely see a married man or woman and them posting a picture of themselves and someone of the opposite sex liking their pictures. Affairs start with just one click and we need to be more aware of how to affair proof our marriage!!!

You might be reading this and thinking, I don’t think my husband or I would ever have an affair! But it can happen to anyone if you are not careful! A lady friend of mine recently was sharing with me how she began her affair with just a single click of a button! She and this particular guy started out by working together, becoming Facebook friends, liking each others pictures, commenting more on each others things, and striking and interest in each other. The more they began to talk, the more interesting things became. She shared things on Facebook that lead people to believe she was having trouble, so the guy would question her about it. That’s how they began their emotional affair!

Facebook isn’t bad. Posting pictures without your spouse isn’t bad. Making comments on other people’s posts aren’t bad. But, when you are having a hard time in your marriage, it can become tempting to post pictures of yourself and try to find attention from other people. There are many different ways to “affair-proof” your marriage when it comes to social media.

  • Do not ever talk bad about your marriage or your spouse on social media! People post about their crappy marriages or how screwed up their spouses are and they are just looking for people to talk to them about their problems. When we expose that our marriage is bad or that we aren’t happy with our spouses, we leave doors open for the opposite sex to come in and talk to us about our marriage and spouse. Of course, at first it may seem harmless but whether social media is involved or not, you should never talk to the opposite sex about your marriage or spouse.
  • Do not post pictures of yourself too much if you are noticing someone of the opposite sex liking it too much. Push for more pictures posted of you and your spouse. Sometimes when we think our spouse’s aren’t happy with us, we become self-conscious and begin looking for attention elsewhere. Trust me, social media is not the place to get the attention you are looking for!
  • Do not start private conversations with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t want their spouse’s seeing. I know you are awake, can’t sleep and so and so is on, what will it hurt to message them and just say “Hey?” Do not be private in your messages. And if someone private messages you of the opposite sex, be open with your spouse to tell them about it. When you start keeping secrets is when there are issues!
  • Don’t seem interested in a person from the opposite sex! Be careful of the things that you comment on, like, and how your actions could mislead someone of the opposite sex. It may seem harmless to you, but to them, they might not be getting the attention they want so what you are giving them by “liking” their pictures or commenting on their things might just be the attention that they need!

So many times, we don’t realize how we act when we are “in the act.” Be aware of what you do on social media. Be open with your spouse about your social media. Go each day with thinking, “If my spouse were to get on my social media, would I have some explaining to do?” And, if social media has been an issue in your marriage, then respect your spouse. Many couples have joint accounts or share passwords, and some marriages are comfortable enough not sharing accounts or knowing each others passwords.

Let’s pray. Lord, I pray for couples that are on social media. Lord, give us wisdom and show us what is smart and what is not. Help us to realize when we are going to far with the pictures that we post or the pictures we like. Help us to use social media for the good and not the bad. Help us to see when the enemy wants to use social media as a trap. Help us to be aware of everything going on through social media.

Please share, pin, e-mail or reblog this post!

Until next time…be encouraged!

Spouse First…Kids Second

Posted on

family-eating-at-the-table-619142__180

“Spouse First, Children Second.”

I know, I know. A couple of years ago, if someone would have told me to put my spouse before my children, I would have laughed and said, “Whatever!” I guess during my husband and I being ‘disconnected’ it was always easy to put my children first. And by putting my children first, I mean my husband and I are talking and my kid needs something or wants to say something and they trump my husband’s feelings or needs. I was quick to take my children to all of their events and not even try to schedule some time to just my husband and I.

I read something not too long ago that said to basically put your spouse first because your children will not always need you like your spouse will need you. It is very true. Most likely, your children will grow up, graduate, move out and live their own lives and your spouse will still be there. How would you feel if you put your children first on everything and your spouse stuck it out with you…then when your children moved on, your spouse was still there waiting and you had neglected them all that time?

Know that when I am saying to put your spouse first, I’m not saying just drop your kids and let them fend for themselves and give your spouse all the attention. I know when you get married, you have just you and your spouse. In my case, we blended families, so we brought children into the marriage. My husband always put me over his children. He always stuck up for me. He never let them interrupt. Me, on the other hand, I would do all the wrong things. I let children get in the way of our marriage!

After realizing that I had been so wrong for so long, I began really thinking about how I could start putting my husband first in my life! Trust me moms, I know that we moms can put our children in front of our husbands! But, think of how you “push” your husband away when it comes to kids. My big one was conversations. My kids would always come between our conversations and I would tend to listen to them and then tell my husband, “We will talk later.” Well, later never came!

Some encouragement, make time for your husband. Some ways to let your spouse know that you care:

  • Make time for your spouse! Set a date! My excuse was..no sitter! Well, guess what? We started putting the kids down 30 minutes early and going outside to have coffee dates! Sometimes we can’t always find babysitters, but there is always some time to spend with your spouse! MAKE TIME EACH WEEK!
  • Ask your spouse daily how their day was and really care what happened through their day. I make time to ask each person at the dinner table how their day was, no interruptions! Ask questions about your spouse’s day, just like you would with kids! Keep up with important things going on and follow up with how things are going. If your child was not doing well in a subject, you would stay on top of things. Well, if your spouse has things going on at the workplace or in their lives, listen! Sometimes, they just want to talk!
  • Pray for your spouse! I know, some might still feel weird about this one. I’ve prayed with my spouse and when I never felt comfortable praying WITH I prayed FOR! The more we pray for people, the more involved we get in their lives and begin to care for their feelings.
  • Show your husband you care! Give goodbye kisses (like you do kids!), give goodnight kisses (like you do kids!), get your spouse special treats (pick them up their favorite drink, a candy bar, or leave them a sticky note in their lunch that says you care and love them!

If you are thinking, “My husband and I could never do this!” Yes you can! You fell in love with this person and it’s time to get back to basics!

Let pray! Lord, please help me to start putting my spouse first! I know that it’s hard parenting and also being a wife/husband, but help me to balance the two and to put my spouse first. Give me ideas to help me to connect with my spouse that make he/she feel special and wanted. Help us restore our marriage! Help us not to give up! Help us to see value in our marriage! In Jesus’ Name!!!

Share, pin, e-mail…I want to see marriages encouraged! I want to see marriages last forever! I want ‘these’ marriages be an inspiration! There are too many divorces these days! It’s time to get marriages back! It’s time to start getting these divorce rates down! AMEN??!!!!

Until next time, be encouraged!

50 Shades of My Marriage Sucks!

Posted on

heartsickness-428103__180

It may be a little bit late to hop on this band wagon, but I do have a lot to say about this whole trend of 50 Shades of Grey. When I first heard about the books that were coming out, I was somewhat intrigued. My husband and I were separated, I thought I needed some romance in my life, but what did I know? I have never been a reader, and really didn’t care to spend money on a book that I was going to probably not finish anyways.

The trend of the books died down and then comes the movie. Every married, single, (it didn’t matter) lady was going to see this movie. Some were going to see the movie with their friends some were going to see the movie with their spouse. It was crazy to think some of these people were in the theaters watching this movie and then sitting in church the next morning.

I got to thinking how many men (with already pornography issues-maybe their wife/girlfriend is aware, maybe not) but how many men were triggered by this spicy, sexy movie? How many women have gotten themselves into pornography because they want more spicy in their marriage!

I have admitted, I have never read the books nor have I watched the movies. But, I do know what it is like to have a drought in the marriage. You get married, kids come along, you’re tired, you don’t really want to be intimate…but then again you know you should be and you want to be. It’s confusing being an adult, huh? But, back to the subject. I know marriages can go through periods and seasons where it is crappy. Sex is not the way it should be, communication is not good..so you argue, and marriages are torn apart!

People begin to turn to outlets when their marriages go down hill. They turn to pornography, technology, the flirty co-worker at the office. Things are thrown at marriages straight from the pit of Hell, and if our marriages is not going great 97% of the time, we will find an outlet to make us happy. And, let’s just be honest, a movie that is known to be about sex and spiciness, and a person who is wanting to see this type of movie or read this type of book is looking for something in their life!

Don’t get me wrong, I love sexy, but sexy should be kept in YOUR bedroom with YOUR spouse. A movie, a porno, a magazine, a book, an affair will only last for a season….then you will be looking for the next thing to get you excited in marriage. God created marriage and it is written in black and white in the Good Book..there are no shades of grey when it comes to God’s word and how he intended marriage to be.

I am not trying to judge anyone, but simply say, “Hey, I’ve been there!!” “I’ve looked for outlets in my marriage and THANK GOD it didn’t lead to enough destruction that is destroyed my marriage!” God loves you, and He loves your marriage. I truly believe if we ask Him how to spice up our marriage, He will give us the desire and wisdom and it will be something of Him.

If you have an issue with your marriage, and have been looking for an outlet or have found an “outlet” I just want to pray for you–

Lord God, I know that marriage is hard and that we go through so many droughts in our marriage–droughts in our bedroom. Lord, the World tries to throw these outlets at us, but God I pray that we recognize them and choose to turn to you on how to fix our marriage. Let our outlet be You, Lord! Lord, I pray that any man or woman that deals with addiction to pornography or anyone who uses pornography to satisfy their needs be healed. I pray that us that are in relationships and married, that we turn to you!

Until next time….be encouraged!

Today’s Marriage

wedding-322034__180

This is the month we face the topic of marriage!

More than 50% of the people who get married end their marriage in divorce. Most of the people who get divorced get divorced before spending their 5 year anniversary with one another. How awful are those statistics? Why can’t we make our marriages work? Why don’t we fight for our marriages anymore? Why do we give up so easily?

There are many things that come between a husband and wife: they realize they didn’t marry the people they fell in love with, kids come between marriage, work gets the best of our time with our spouses, finances become an issue, our spouse’s are unfaithful…CHANGE HAPPENS! This month, we are going to talk about changes that happen during a marriage and how to deal with these changes. I am going to visit the most common problems of a marriage each day in April.

I will be sharing some of my experiences and stories through this month. This is one of the reasons why I decided to start this blog. I was having a hard time in my marriage and I was searching for some sort of hope for my marriage. I wanted to to read that my marriage could make it and I could find very little encouragement on marriages that actually ‘work’ these days.

Can this blog fix your marriage? No. It is going to take work between you and your spouse. Can this blog encourage you? Yes! I hope that this blog encourages so many people that are hurting, that are broken and that need hope.

Stayed tuned during this month for encouragement for April! Looking for a particular topic? Check out topics on the right side of the page!

Until next time….be encouraged!

What Are You Saying?

person-110303__180

To be honest, one thing about me is that when something happens in my life, something major, I instantly go into panic, worry, freak-out mode. I begin to think negative thoughts and even sometimes speak negatively. The song by Toby Mac, “Speak Life,” has really been on my heart over the past couple days as I’ve been wondering and asking God ideas on what to blog about.

This past year has been really hard. My husband and I have had an awful “bump” in our marriage, I’ve lost people that I love, I’ve had to make hard decisions, I’ve been negative about the things that I’ve went through. I will speak more on marriage things, but without saying to much, I didn’t know if my marriage would make it this past year. Throughout this year, I told myself negative things like, “I can’t do this,” “My marriage will never work,” “My marriage will never be the same,” “Maybe divorce is the answer.”

One day, I heard a friend, who too was having a hard time in their marriage, speak the same exact things that I had been speaking about mine. My friend had went through similar things in their marriage. They didn’t know if it would work, how it could work and maybe that divorce was the way to go. Instead of agreeing, I gave them the scripture that talks about how life and death is in the power of the tongue. It was then I realized that I was a negative person. I have always doubted what I was capable of doing.

Your issue doesn’t have to be necessarily marriage. If you just listen and pay attention to yourself and to other people, you will notice how many people and how many times that we speak so negative about situations that we are dealing with. “I will never lose this weight” “I will never get that job” “I will never finish all this work in time” “My kid will never sleep through the night” “Why work on my marriage, it will never change.” We don’t notice, but we speak death into situations all the time.

I am still working to speak life into situations, and as Toby Mac puts it, “Speak life, into the deadest, darkest night.” We might not see how in the world God is going to work things out, but we’ve got to trust Him. We’ve got to speak life into every negative, hard, depressing, situation that we face. I challenge you to speak life into something, or if you notice someone that is speaking death into a situation, encourage them to speak life. Be positive! Don’t give up! Never lose faith! Hold on to hope!

Until next time…be encouraged.

How to Fix the Brokeness Around Us.

girl-517555__180

In a “perfect” world, everyone will get along with each other, marriages would last forever, children would be respectful and full of joy, people would always be financially stable, and there would be absolutely no worry in the world. Unfortunately, we actually live in the complete opposite. The world we live in is full of hatred, marriages are treated like pieces of clothing (if it doesn’t work for you, you take it back and exchange it for something new), children are plotting to kill their parents and to kill themselves, people are losing their jobs and becoming homeless, and there is worry and fear all around us.

Think about how many people we come in contact with per day. Think of how many people we pass in Target, our waitresses at the restaurant, our friends on social media. We pass brokenness everyday…but what do we do about it? I have been guilty of seeing things, especially on social media, that I haven’t done anything about. I kept…and still from time to time keep the mentality that “I can’t help anyone” or “God can’t use me” but God has created and qualified us to do something about the brokenness around us.

A couple of years ago while I was in the store, I was standing behind a lady who smelled of alcohol. Smelling of alcohol at 8 in the morning can never be good. She had a tear stained face. I wish I would have had the nerve to just ask her if I could pray for her. What was the worst she could have said? I let my fear get the best of me, and never asked her or struck up a conversation with her. Soon after, I saw on Pinterest about how people would do things to make someone’s day. I began to pray for God to show me how I could brighten or encourage someone’s day. One day, I was in the Dollar Store, and I saw these bright, funky, little cards that was blank inside. I bought several packages of these blank cards. I kept a stack of cards in my house and a stack of cards in my purse. When I felt encouraging words come on, I would write a letter to someone. I would tell them how special they were. I would tell them that it doesn’t matter what their past looked like, that God could turn their future around. I would basically write things and imagine that I was talking to a stranger that just needed some encouragement.  I would pass out these cards everywhere. I would leave them in the bathroom stalls, hand them to the person in the pay line at McDonald’s, leave them at gas pumps and at the car wash. I would pray that the right person would find them. This was my way of encouraging a stranger.

I have different people say that they try to bless the car behind them by paying for their lunch. I have people that say they have made it a point to smile at people they pass, or give them a compliment. There are many different ways we can make this broken world that we live in less broken. Will you help me in the Encourage Movement? I challenge you to try to bless someone this week. If you don’t know how, pray that God will give you your own idea. If you need encouragement yourself, I have a prayer request section at the top of the page or you can always e-mail me!

Pray for me and this blog! I want people to see it and to be encouraged! I want to make a difference in someone’s life. Share, pin, or e-mail this post!

Until next time….be encouraged!