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Can Your Marriage Survive After an Affair?

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Can Marriages Survive After An Affair?

I don’t know how many times that I Googled or looked on Pinterest about marriages and if there was a chance for them to survive after an affair. I will just be honest with you and save you many hours of searching…the statistics are NOT good. Affairs that occur during marriages usually cause marriages to end because the spouse that has been betrayed feels as if they can’t go on, they can never trust their spouse again, or that they can’t get over the fear that their spouse will cheat again. But, if you are Christian…or even if you are not a Christian and have a strong positive attitude about your marriage, then yes, your answer is that marriages can survive after an affair.

If you and your spouse have decided to work on your marriage, if your spouse is sorry for cheating, if you can forgive..then there is not doubt that you can survive an affair. It will never be an easy task on learning to forgive, learning to trust, learning to connect back to your spouse. None of those tasks are easy after an affair has occurred in a marriage.

If you are having issues after finding out your spouse has had an affair, there are several decisions that you need to make:

Can you get over an affair? Getting over an affair is one of the biggest problems. If you are not able to get over an affair, your marriage will not survive it. There will be many days that you will think that you will never get over it. But there are many different processes that we go through during the healing process. Like I have shared, I was shocked, in disbelief, hurt, depressed, sad, angry, bitter, unforgiving, and hateful. The more time that passed, the easier I began to accept what had happened in my marriage.

Finding it in you to trust again- Even after a year has passed, I will be honest, I STILL have days where I don’t trust my husband. But, I realize that on the days I don’t trust him, it’s not because he is doing anything wrong, it’s because it’s just a thought that’s entered into my mind. Marriages that haven’t dealt with affairs, they deal with trust issues. If you can TRY to trust again, then that is a step to helping your marriage survive. We don’t have to trust all the time. We will have bad days..but if we will have more trusting days than not trusting then we are letting our marriage survive! I’m not talking about after the couple of days that you have found out. For at least a month, I was looking at phones bills a thousand times a day, I was calling his work to make sure he was there, I was checking his phone constantly, I was driving by the woman’s house making sure she was doing what I thought she should be doing…but as time has passed…I don’t do that stuff anymore.

Getting connected again- Again with my experience. I didn’t allow myself to get connected at first, and that’s okay if you don’t either. If you are hurt, allow yourself time to hurt. If there was a ”near death experience” in a marriage, an affair would be it. If you encountered a ”near death experience” it would most likely mess you up and you are entitled to it. But, if we encounter things like that we work towards healing. Once the healing begins, it’s important to get back connected to your spouse again. It’s important to connect because obviously being disconnected from each other helped the affair occur. (Please don’t take that as me blaming you for the affair–affairs happen because husbands and wives don’t have a strong marriage and they are tempted and they are weak and it happens.)

Marriages survive affairs every day, but they also fail after an affair as well. It is your choice to on whether or not you seek healing for your brokenness and you begin to keep the attitude that, “Nothing or nobody will come between my marriage!” “I don’t care what has happened, it is about to be about what’s going to happen!” “That woman or man that was with my spouse doesn’t matter!”

Lord, I pray that husband’s and wives that have had to deal with an affair in their marriages choose to let their marriage survive. Lord, help us to choose healing and seek healing for our marriage! Lord, we ask You to restore our marriage! Lord, help up and show us how to make our marriages survive and thrive. I ask you, Lord, that you help us to forgive and move on! Help us and guide us. In Jesus’ Name…AMEN!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage!

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When you go into a marriage, you never intend on having an affair with someone else, but it is something that occurs often in marriages. Having an affair is one of the most devastating things that happen in a marriage. Some marriages can’t even get over their spouse having an affair. It seems like the temptation comes on strong and it has become easier for men and women to have an affair- it’s on television, it’s on the computer, it’s in the workplace, it’s on social media, it’s in the music we listen to. There are many ways that we can be sure to “Affair Proof” our marriage.

  • Never stop dating your spouse- It becomes extremely hard when we have to “grow up” after we get married. We get busy. We have jobs. We have kids. We are tired. We don’t have babysitters. We become disconnected to our spouse. It’s extremely easy to get to that point of no longer dating our spouse, but it is CRUCIAL to continue to make time for your spouse. Maybe you and your spouse do have a hard time finding time to still “date” one another. Maybe you can have special dates at home, in the back yard, on the porch. Make time to make your spouse laugh! Have fun! Keep things interesting with each other! Never forget why you married your spouse, and never stop being the googly, crazy, head over hills person for them either!
  • If you have a problem, address it- Marriages aren’t perfect. As a matter of fact, marriages are messy….very messy. If we go into a marriage thinking it will be perfect and the worse problem that we will have is little things like, “This house is too small..” or “I want a dog, you don’t..” you are in for a rude awakening. There will be fights, there will be hurtful words spoken, you will get offended by some things that your spouse says, but if your spouse has a problem with you keep it in consideration and try to make a vow to work hard on those problems. If you have a problem with your spouse, do not go at your spouse yelling and fussing and telling them they need to change. (I’m saying it like that, because I was guilty of it and know a lot of arguments are started by simply approaching it the wrong way!) If you have a record for approaching your spouse the wrong way when you have a problem with them, don’t keep making the same mistakes and approaching them the same way over and over. Pray about the best way to communicate with them. Ask them how you can communicate with them. But never keep a problem to yourself, and never let your marriage have a problem that goes unsolved.
  • Be aware of the opposite sex- When you do have problems in your marriage, it is really easy to turn to someone who really seems like they care for our problems. But, it is very risky talking to the opposite sex about problems with your life. Most affairs are not simply just seeing someone and saying, “Oh my gosh, I am going to have an affair with them!” You don’t just end up in the bed with people. You begin by building relationships. You start thinking of these people as people you can trust and really confide in when you are having issues. Spending time with people that care with you, you start crossing the line a little by doing a little flirting and that is how emotional and physical affairs are started. If you have to hide what you are saying from your spouse, you are probably creating a risky relationship and possibly on your way to an affair. Be careful about how much you say to the opposite sex. Be careful about how much you are around the opposite sex. Make sure you stay in public areas. Make sure that if you are talking to someone of the opposite sex, to bring up your spouse. Have boundaries! Set boundaries! Always be open with your spouse
  • Pornography- Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment..when we look at pornography, it does something to our minds. We begin to think thoughts like,” I wish my spouse was like that.” We start exploring other sexual fantasies. I’ll just say this…if you view pornography, talk to someone about it or stop and pray about it! The thing with pornography and how it really comes between marriages is that your wife might not always feel like having sex or you may have a drought in your sex life…she isn’t there, porn is. Porn opens your minds to start looking at other people outside of the marriage and affairs are started!
  • Eye Candy- While we are on the subject of pornography, women are bad about having eye candy. Adam Levigne…Ryan Gosling…Lord those two men pop up on my Facebook (a lot of the times by married women!) And they are posting pictures of these men more than they do their own husbands! Women get caught up in books, movies, and call it what it is…I think 50 Shades of Grey is just as bad as pornography. I think Magic Mike is just as bad as pornography. It makes women excited just like pornography. We shouldn’t need books, pornography, or movies to make us feel excited! That’s what our spouses are for. If you are having a sex drought, that goes back to being open with you spouse!!! Let them know your issues!
  • Have Sex- Scratch that!!! Don’t just just have sex, have GREAT SEX! I have had so many sex droughts in our marriage. It’s unreal. I’ve been exhausted, we’ve had different schedules, and to be honest, there was a period of time where I didn’t like who my husband had became…so I didn’t want to have sex. Sex is important. If we don’t “put out” they will find it elsewhere! Believe that! Make time to romance! Guys, don’t expect to just get laid! Some women want to be romanced. Help with chores so she won’t be so exhausted. Let her know you care and love her and are thinking of her. She didn’t just “put out” when you first started dating…you romanced her! NEVER STOP DATING!!! Ladies, things happen to us. We have kids, we have jobs, we don’t feel sexy, but we are not dead and our husbands still have sexual needs! Have sex, even if it’s a quick one in the bathroom! Yeah, I just went there!
  • Keep God first- I know that people have affairs and still go to church. But, I believe that if you truly seek God and you really keep him in the center of your marriage and look to him for guidance, that you will feel that God will pull on your heart when when we get in these situations. I believe that we also have a choice to listen to that pull from God or we can listen to ourselves and make a huge mistake. Pray and pray for your spouse.

Lord, I come to you and I want to pray over all marriages. Lord, I pray for the men and women who have viewed pornography. I pray that they would seek help if they can’t stop looking at it. I pray that couples would be smart about the people they surround themselves with. I pray that you would show us Lord, when we are about to get to that line we ar about to cross into “about to have an affair on my spouse.” I pray for and any unseen threats that may try to come against our marriages. Let us be more aware!  I pray that you would help us communicate with our spouses. That you would show us the best way to communicate with our spouses. I pray that spouses who haven’t been “bestfriends” in awhile, can find there way back to being best friends again. I pray that you give marriages a new spark like when they first started dating. I pray that marriages strive to keep You the center of our marriages! Help us Lord, Affair Proof our marriages- today and everyday!

Please share this, pin this, e-mail this or reblog it! I would love to hear feedback on how you and your spouse Affair Proof your marriage. If you need prayer for any areas that we have spoken on, I’d be happy to pray for you. You can contact me via e-mail or there is a Prayer Wall. Simple comment with your requests and I’ll add you.

Tune in tomorrow for more marriage talk!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

Today’s Marriage

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This is the month we face the topic of marriage!

More than 50% of the people who get married end their marriage in divorce. Most of the people who get divorced get divorced before spending their 5 year anniversary with one another. How awful are those statistics? Why can’t we make our marriages work? Why don’t we fight for our marriages anymore? Why do we give up so easily?

There are many things that come between a husband and wife: they realize they didn’t marry the people they fell in love with, kids come between marriage, work gets the best of our time with our spouses, finances become an issue, our spouse’s are unfaithful…CHANGE HAPPENS! This month, we are going to talk about changes that happen during a marriage and how to deal with these changes. I am going to visit the most common problems of a marriage each day in April.

I will be sharing some of my experiences and stories through this month. This is one of the reasons why I decided to start this blog. I was having a hard time in my marriage and I was searching for some sort of hope for my marriage. I wanted to to read that my marriage could make it and I could find very little encouragement on marriages that actually ‘work’ these days.

Can this blog fix your marriage? No. It is going to take work between you and your spouse. Can this blog encourage you? Yes! I hope that this blog encourages so many people that are hurting, that are broken and that need hope.

Stayed tuned during this month for encouragement for April! Looking for a particular topic? Check out topics on the right side of the page!

Until next time….be encouraged!

Why Do We Pray?

girl-15599__180 I have always considered myself to be a prayerful person. Even if it was the prayer of, “Oh Lord, don’t let that cop give me a speeding ticket..just let it be a warning!!” (Don’t even try to judge, you know you’ve done it too!) But, really, growing up, I guess I was never really taught to pray other than the, “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food.” My cousins and I had it memorized. We all said it together. It wasn’t until started having a relationship and somebody telling me that God wants to hear from us, when I really considered praying meaningful prayers. But, why should we pray? Why do we pray if God is supposed to already know what is going  to come out of our mouths? This was something that never crossed my mind because I’ve never really been the person to pick apart things. Now, my husband on the other hand, he picks apart. He wants to know the history of things, and why we should be doing what we are doing and when we are doing it. I guess that’s just he knowledge-driven person he is.

But, back to the question. Why you do we pray? Have you ever been in love? Remember when you first fell in love with THAT person and you just couldn’t get enough of them. You wanted to talk on the phone for hours, you wanted to see their face. That is exactly how God feels about us. Yes, He knows our needs, what we will say, but God loves to hear you voice. Your voice is precious to Him. And when you talk to Him, He loves watching your face. A sweet guy who really ministers to me put this prayer vision in my mind. God wants to hear from you. As a matter of fact, He can’t wait to hear your voice. As a day, or a week or even a month goes by, like anyone we love and would be sad if we didn’t talk to for that long–I believe God feels that way towards us. He never goes anywhere. He misses us when we don’t talk to Him. And, as we talk to Him, we are building an intimate relationship with Him.

I’ve had seasons in my life where I don’t feel close to God. But, it wasn’t God that had moved, it was me. God loves us so much. If we could just grasp that concept. God cares for us. He hurts when we hurt. Believe that. So, just like any friend or lover or family member, schedule a date to talk with God.

Lord, I pray that we draw closer to You, because it says in Your Word that if we draw close to you, you will draw close to us. Lord, let us see and feel your love. Put it on our hearts to pray for family, friends and even strangers because you want to hear our prayers. Lord, let us have a deeper relationship with you like never before. As we pray to you, I pray that we just grow deeper in love with You.

Share this, pin it, like it, follow it, e-mail it!!! Let’s get the word out and get some people encouraged!!!

Until next time..be encouraged!!!!

How to Fix the Brokeness Around Us.

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In a “perfect” world, everyone will get along with each other, marriages would last forever, children would be respectful and full of joy, people would always be financially stable, and there would be absolutely no worry in the world. Unfortunately, we actually live in the complete opposite. The world we live in is full of hatred, marriages are treated like pieces of clothing (if it doesn’t work for you, you take it back and exchange it for something new), children are plotting to kill their parents and to kill themselves, people are losing their jobs and becoming homeless, and there is worry and fear all around us.

Think about how many people we come in contact with per day. Think of how many people we pass in Target, our waitresses at the restaurant, our friends on social media. We pass brokenness everyday…but what do we do about it? I have been guilty of seeing things, especially on social media, that I haven’t done anything about. I kept…and still from time to time keep the mentality that “I can’t help anyone” or “God can’t use me” but God has created and qualified us to do something about the brokenness around us.

A couple of years ago while I was in the store, I was standing behind a lady who smelled of alcohol. Smelling of alcohol at 8 in the morning can never be good. She had a tear stained face. I wish I would have had the nerve to just ask her if I could pray for her. What was the worst she could have said? I let my fear get the best of me, and never asked her or struck up a conversation with her. Soon after, I saw on Pinterest about how people would do things to make someone’s day. I began to pray for God to show me how I could brighten or encourage someone’s day. One day, I was in the Dollar Store, and I saw these bright, funky, little cards that was blank inside. I bought several packages of these blank cards. I kept a stack of cards in my house and a stack of cards in my purse. When I felt encouraging words come on, I would write a letter to someone. I would tell them how special they were. I would tell them that it doesn’t matter what their past looked like, that God could turn their future around. I would basically write things and imagine that I was talking to a stranger that just needed some encouragement.  I would pass out these cards everywhere. I would leave them in the bathroom stalls, hand them to the person in the pay line at McDonald’s, leave them at gas pumps and at the car wash. I would pray that the right person would find them. This was my way of encouraging a stranger.

I have different people say that they try to bless the car behind them by paying for their lunch. I have people that say they have made it a point to smile at people they pass, or give them a compliment. There are many different ways we can make this broken world that we live in less broken. Will you help me in the Encourage Movement? I challenge you to try to bless someone this week. If you don’t know how, pray that God will give you your own idea. If you need encouragement yourself, I have a prayer request section at the top of the page or you can always e-mail me!

Pray for me and this blog! I want people to see it and to be encouraged! I want to make a difference in someone’s life. Share, pin, or e-mail this post!

Until next time….be encouraged!

Growing Up Overnight…Teen Parenting

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This blog is full of encouragement for everyone…including teenage parents. I am here to tell a little bit of my story and hopefully shine some encouragement on those that are finding out they are going to be parents.

I remember the fear that I felt when I finally grasped the concept that I was going to be a Mother…to a child…when I was still a child myself. I was so scared and had no clue what my life would hold. I thought my life was over. In a perfect world, I thought, “I am about to have a baby with ‘the man of my dreams’ and we will get married, get a small house, and we will live happily ever after.” Gosh, was I wrong.

My parents and family along with his parents and family found out that I was pregnant. They were all crushed and disappointed, as any parent would be. I couldn’t even face my Dad because I had let him down so much and I knew it. I had to go to school but hated it because there I was wobbling down the halls getting so many awful looks from other students and even teachers. I spent most of the time in the bathroom stalls crying and just wishing my life was over. I had no clue what to do or how to act. I believe it was during this time where I really found out what depression was.

There was a lot of trouble after the baby was born. The father of the baby and I didn’t last long after the baby was born. Even after we had a baby and had been through everything..pregnancy, fighting, our parents clashing because they had different points of view on how to raise the baby….my child’s father still had just one thing on his mind. I could punch him in his throat….not really, but in my head, thinking about that right now. As I mentioned, we didn’t last long. It wasn’t long until he had moved on with his life and here I was trying to raise a kid, sleepless nights, arguing with my parents, going to school, trying to live a normal life.

I decided I needed to get in church. Hey, it’s the least I could do, right? So there I was, getting dropped off at church with my baby. I had always believed in God, but didn’t know what it was like…or even get a glimpse of how to have a relationship with Him. I thought, “I am going to Hell because I have had a kid..” “I can’t make my life right..” “I’m such a screw-up.” Those church folks didn’t really know what it was like to have a relationship with Jesus either, because they thought the same things that I did…that I was going to Hell, I couldn’t make my life turnaround, and I was a screw-up. I still went to church and have no clue why, I guess I was trying to raise my child in church. I wanted and still want more for my kids than I have.

Looking back, I realize that that enemy that I always talk about started telling me lies right off the bat. That I was worthless, not worthy of God’s love, that I was a screw-up. I stayed mad and upset at myself for a long time I don’t even want to think about what kind of person I was. I am sure I was much less than pleasant to deal with. I am sure a lot of teenage parents think the same thing. They have messed up their lives and clueless of what to do. I learned to just let the haters motivate me. I graduated school…and college..and got married. The father of my oldest child hasn’t been a part of their lives, but in my eyes, we’ve done just fine without him.

If you are a teenage mom, don’t lose hope. Just do the best you can and if you are doing the best you can, don’t listen to what other people have to say about you. Until they have walked in your shoes, they have no room to talk. Don’t get too down if it doesn’t work out with the father of your baby. I stayed upset at that for a long time, and still from time to time wonder why the father of my child has chosen to not be a part of my child’s life. He’s missed so much because he chose to do him first.

If you are a teenage father, do what you are supposed to do for the baby. No, you might not make it with the mother of your child, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to cut tithes with your baby. Have a relationship with your children because it really does something to their lives when you aren’t present in their lives. Support your child, because it is hard to raise a child on your own.

Being a teenage parent doesn’t mean your life is over, it just mean you will have a different ending that you expected. I’m praying for you!

Know someone who is pregnant? E-mail them this post!

Until next time….be encouraged!!!

God still loves you, even when you aren’t lovable.

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There have been many times and periods in my life where I have been a hateful person. I don’t exactly know the reasons for making me such a hateful person, but I do know there have been seasons in my life where I have experienced deep, deep depression. I hated myself and I hated the world that I was living in. I didn’t know how to fix it, because I thought that God didn’t love me and could never love such a hateful person.

God always seems to remind me of the scripture, John 10:10, “The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy, but God has come to give us life and that we may live it more abundantly.” I do believe that is so true. We do have an enemy in our lives that wants to steal our joy, that wants to come to tell us the lie that we are unlovable. I believe that if we were sitting face to face with God, I see him with a smile on His face, looking straight into your eyes and He sees beauty, worth, and love. You see, God might not approve of the things that we do, but I do believe that we couldn’t do anything to make God love us any less…no matter what we do or experience.

God loves you. He knows that you are going to have deep, dark times in your lives. He doesn’t want to see us so sad and unhappy. I pray that you start feeling God’s love towards you, because HE DOES LOVE YOU! You are worthy of His love, and don’t believe for one more second that you aren’t and don’t believe for one more second that God doesn’t love you. You are the Apple of His Eye and you are a beautiful diamond in the rough.

My prayer today for you:

Lord God, we go through periods in our lives were we feel unhappy and unlovable When we feel this way, please remind us that You love us and you care for us. Help us to see worth in our lives. Lord, give us strength and help us get out of this rut that we are in. Lord, help us to recognize the enemy that comes to steal, kill and destroy and know how to put the enemy in his place! I say when any negative thoughts come to our minds, that we can successfully say, “Go straight to Hell” because that’s exactly where those thoughts come from!

Until next time…be encouraged!

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