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The Truth About AshleyMadison.com

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I didn’t even know what AshleyMadison.com was until a couple of days ago when I had noticed that 13 people had shared this blog post about it on Facebook. I knew if that many people were interested in it…I guess it must have been ‘something.’ So, I began looking into this website and was honestly appalled by what I was reading and the listings of people in my area on this site!

The website’s famous logo is, “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Hmm..let that sink in. Over the past couple of days, I have heard news stories, people sharing on Facebook, on Twitter about this ridiculous website. “Females frantically checking this site and adding their husband’s e-mail to see if they are affiliated with this site.” “Spouses buying these programs to see what sites their spouse is on.” Are people really that concerned with their marriage that they have to worry if their spouse is visiting a site like AshleyMadison.com?

The truth about life–about marriage is yes, marriage is hard. Yes, at times, we can feel unappreciated or distant from our spouses. Life gets in the way of marriage. Sometimes, we think that our spouse doesn’t love us anymore because they aren’t the person we married. They don’t show their love. Or maybe, they have even it has came out of their mouths that they don’t love us–or they hate us, or hate our marriage. When our marriage hits a breaking point, some people do give up and get weak. Some people do start looking for attention from the opposite sex because they aren’t getting it from their spouse. Some people do have affairs. The world, the website, is saying that it’s okay to have an affair. It’s all a big secret that won’t get back to your spouse.

The truth of the matter here is that people don’t need a website to find someone to have an affair. The temptation is at work, at the gym, in public, or even in the church. This website might be ”talked about” and flaunted like it’s some solution to fix your life. But, do you really think an affair will fix things in your life? Do you really think that an affair will make things easier? Do you really think you should be finding someone else when you are still committed to a person you vowed for better or worse with?

If you find yourself worried that you spouse is having an affair, maybe you should check your marriage! How can you fix it? Have you prayed about it? Have you talked with someone or did you seek counsel? And if you are that person that is miserable in your marriage and think that “YES!” “And affair is just what I need!” Maybe you need to check yourself.If you think you can seek something better, maybe you should dedicate the effort you put into having an affair, keeping it a secret, deleting texts, deleting phone logs, deleting e-mails…..man! That’s tiring and some work. Put that work into you marriage. Instead of trying to impress the woman who is also married and has a family, buy your wife some flowers and take her to dinner. Instead of sending a dirty picture to the man who is already wearing a wedding ring, try respecting yourself and sending your husband a text message telling him how much you appreciate him and love him and send him a picture of your wedding day!

That’s just my two cents ya’ll…..take it as a grain of salt if you need to, but believe me, it’s true!

Dear God, I pray for marriages! There are temptations on Facebook, on Youtube, on the TV, at our work…Lord help us to see these temptations! Help us to recognize these as a trap from Hell! Lord, restore our marriages! Help us to follow what the Bible says about marriage and apply it to our own marriages. Help us to be cautious of our surroundings. Lord, give us a refreshing mind and a renewing love for our spouses. Help us to remember who we married and why we married them. Help us to set good examples of what a marriage is to our family and children. The world is awful and says that it’s okay to have affairs. Lord, help us not to believe those lies, but to seek Your Truth! In JESUS NAME

Until next time…be encouraged!

How My Abortion Has Almost Ruined My Life…

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I got an e-mail from a lady who had read one of my articles about Teen Parenting. After reading it, I thought everyone should know her story on abortion. There are so many women out there that are using abortion for their birth control. There are so many women who are going into abortion clinics and are blind as to what is going to happen. If you have read anything of mine, you would already know that I am Pro-Life. I would rather see parents make an adoption plan or parent the baby rather than have an abortion. People think that abortion is the ‘quick fix,’ but it’s not. Here is our guests story.

I was a senior in high school and I had the college I wanted to attend already picked out with a scholarship to go along with it. One night at a party I had a little too much to drink and one thing lead to another. I had a one night fling with someone who I thought was my friend, but turned out he was a whole different person when he realized that I was pregnant. He also had a full scholarship to go play baseball. He told me “he wasn’t ready to be a dad and that I should just take care of it.” I didn’t tell a soul, even though rumors began to fly.

One morning, I got up, told my parents that I wanted to drive out to the campus that I was planning to attend in the fall, but instead, I had found an abortion clinic that I was going to go to. I had already talked to them on the phone and made an appointment. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked in and it was like a normal doctor’s office. There were some pregnant ladies in there that were even obviously showing in their pregnancy. The informed me I wouldn’t see anything. I was only 5 weeks along, so it would be a quick process. I remember just closing my eyes and hearing the most awful sounds.

I got home and couldn’t sleep for days. I was depressed. A couple days later, my mom pulled me aside and asked about my abortion. She had seen the paperwork that was sent home with me under the seat of my car. She told me I was to tell nobody. She was in shock. We were Christians and always had been involved in the church. She couldn’t believe what I had done.

I went on to college, and my life somewhat normal. I had weird dreams about the abortion..even years later down the line. I met the guy of my dreams at college. We graduated and got married shortly after. He was so excited to start having children, but I had a heavy heart and couldn’t stop thinking about the baby I had aborted 5 years earlier. I got pregnant really quick. He (my husband) couldn’t wait to text a picture to everyone of the positive pregnancy test. Everyone was excited. Just 3 weeks later, I miscarried the baby that I was pregnant with. It was like a slap in the face. I had lost a baby all over again. My husband was stayed pretty positive. After 4 miscarriages, I told him I wanted to stop trying for a little while. This began to cause problems in our marriage..big ones.

By this point, I am taking a medication for anxiety attacks and a sleep aid. I visited my ob/gyn. She informed me that scarring from the abortion was keeping me from being able to carry a child. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All my husband wanted was a family…and I wasn’t able to give him children. I didn’t know what to say.

Now, it’s been almost 11 years since my abortion. I have still yet to get pregnant. I am divorced. I did come out and tell my ex-husband about my abortion. I have told my closest friend from high school. I don’t want this to seem like a bad, awful story with a cruddy ending. But I have had to endure a lot of heartache.

I saw my ex-husband quickly remarry and have a child within the first year of marriage. My Dad wants to comfort me, but he doesn’t know the whole story about my abortion. My mother and I haven’t had a good relationship since the blow-up we had when she found my abortion papers. Yes, she accepts me, but is my closer to my older sister and brother who live great lives. My life is full of blessings, but I wish I wouldn’t have ever had an abortion. It’s caused physical, emotional and mental issues with me. I volunteer my time sitting outside the same abortion clinic trying to talk girls out of it. I don’t want to shove it down anyone’s throat..but I want people to be aware. Don’t make the same heartless, selfish decision that I did.

I am grateful for our guest for sharing her story with us. Wow. You truly never know what it’s like to go through an abortion. Society covers it up good and makes it like it’s a quick problem solver, but never goes into details about the possible risks that come with it. If you are someone who is pregnant and thinking of abortion, please consider making an adoption plan and giving your baby a life. Feel free to e-mail me and talk–completely confidential.

If you are suffering after having an abortion, you are not in this alone. Please reach out to someone and talk things over.

Please like, share, and tell us your thoughts. Are you a teen parent with a story? We want to hear from you!

Lord, I pray for all these teenagers that are facing the hard decision of abortion, making an adoption plan or to parent the baby. Give us courage, Lord, courage to make the right decision, courage to stand up for what is right, and courage if we have made a decision we regret. Give us strength each day and guide us as we are going through this. In Jesus Name!

Until next time….be encouraged!

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Suicide Awareness

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Through my lifetime, I have had a handful of people that I have known to commit suicide. I had known of several people committing suicide while I was growing up and then since I have been an adult, several more people that I’ve known have committed suicide as well.

You turn on the news, you search the internet, and you just get on a social media site and you will see the statistics for suicide. Huffington Post writes

Each year, 34,000 people committ suicide, about twice as many deaths as caused by homicide– abot one death per 15 minutes. By 2030, depression will outpace cancer, stroke, war and accidents as the world’s leading cause of disability and death, according to the World Health Organization.”

How awful is that piece of information? I lost a friend here recently. She was a mother that left behind her children. She was a daughter. I see the sad posts almost everyday that her mother posts about losing her daughter. She admits that she knew nothing was wrong with her daughter. I attended that visitation and it was quite challenging to say the least. Her parents weren’t able to speak at the funeral, but one of her siblings did. Her older brother mentioned that he knew that his sister was suffering a little, but thought it was normal. Her husband had cheated on her a couple months before and ended up leaving her and the children. He said that his sister spend so many hours scrolling through Facebook. He challenged the people who attended the funeral and that had a Facebook account to post at least once a week something positive…something that if someone on the verge of committing suicide was to be reading your post, it would make them change their minds–that it would give them a ray of hope.

I know some of my reader’s don’t believe in God or an enemy, but I do. I have shared the scripture before John 10:10, that we do have an enemy that comes to steal, kill and destroy. But God comes to give us life–so that we may live it more abundantly.

We pass people daily. How many are suffering? How many people are going through something? How many have though about ending their lives because it would “be better?” I have suffered from depression, and sometimes I find myself and think that there is no way out of it. But there is. I make sure to talk to my husband and let him know.

If you or someone you know suffer from depression, talk to someone. Don’t be like me and have several friends on Facebook that have committed suicide and have to read about it in your newsfeed. Everyone is fighting a battle–some may not even allow people to know. Reach out and be kind.

CHALLENGE: In honor of my friend, I challenge my readers to post something often on their social media pages something positive or the suicide hotline number! You might save someone’s life.

Lord God, I pray for those people out there that are hurting. Let us me more aware of the enemies attack’s, especially when the enemy throws up to us that we need to end our own lives. Help us to be courageous and not be scared to reach out to someone if we are hurting and depressed. Lord, I pray that we would be more aware–give us the eyes to see– people that deal with depression! Help us to be aware of the signs! In Jesus’ name!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1 (800) 273-8255

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Learning to Forgive After an Affair

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Unforgiveness is a prison that we get trapped in when someone that we love or really care for hurt us. It can take a significant amount of time to forgive someone after they hurt you, especially after they have cut you really deep. This blog post is talking about my struggle with forgiveness after I found out about my husband’s affair.

Before I found out about my husband’s affair, I talked and preached on forgiveness. I believed that you needed to forgive someone right away. I thought forgiveness was some easy thing, and when people would tell me about their hurts, I would tell them they needed to forgive that other person. It was a whole different story when it came to my situation though. Forgiving wasn’t as easy as preaching about it.

I didn’t know the other woman, although, for some strange reason, we were Facebook friends during the time she was talking to my husband. I knew nothing about her though. I think that was one thing that bothered me so much, is that a complete stranger had helped do so much damage in my marriage. I was convinced I hated her. I could not see her name without getting upset. I could not see her car without wanting to chase her down and harass her. I could not see an innocent post that she posted on Facebook without wanting to reveal to the world about who she “really was” and what she had done to me and my family.

I started searching for so many different things..praying God to heal me of my hurts..I wanted to just live a normal life and not have to worry about forgiveness. I thought since Facebook was bothering me so much seeing all her things being posted, that I would block her.  So, I guess you could say that I was just pushing it under the rug. I wanted it, but didn’t want to take the actions to get there. So anything to do with her made me mad all over again. Her and my husband work together and continued working at the same place and that would make me mad just knowing that they had the chance of running into one another. The more self conscious I got, the more worry came over me, the more angry I became!

My husband and I was at the store when we ran into her and her family one Sunday and it just rolled all over me.. I was mad and my husband had not even seen her. I made my husband pay for the affair that he had had 8 months prior to running into her. I was miserable. I was making my husband miserable. I wasn’t fulfilling my promise on doing my best to work on the marriage.

It wasn’t until almost  year after the affair, I was with my children at the store and saw her car in the parking lot. Instead of getting all riled up, I began to pray. I prayed that God would help me and help me to be prepared because it was a small store and I was most likely going to see  her. I just remember rushing through the store saying to myself, “Lord, help me..give me strength…thank you for healing me.” Sure enough, I passed the woman and I was able to successfully smile at her. I felt relieved. I felt that healing had started. I praised God.

I had unblocked her several months before running into her at the store because I felt that I wasn’t allowing myself to forgive by keeping her blocked. A couple of days ago, it came up in my newsfeed that she had “liked” something I said. It didn’t really bother me. I realized then, I was being healed even more.

Unforgiveness is like a prison. It took me almost a year to make up my mind to forgive her and deal with the problem. It was extremely hard for me because it was someone I shared a town with and would run into from time to time. It was someone my husband still shares the same employer with. Our children attend the same school. If I had to look back, I would have definitely done a lot of things differently, but I believe God has let me see this hard situation so I can minister and share my story with the world.

I can’t tell you how to forgive or how to take steps to forgiveness because I am sitting here still in disbelief that I have been able to come as far as I have. Especially after seeing some of my worst days. My advice, trust God. Ask Him. Remember how God has forgiven us and how bad we want to be forgiven. We sin and do wrong and expect to be forgiven, so I try to offer that same grace to others.

Let me pray for you. Lord, I know how hard it is to forgive someone that has done us wrong. Lord, show us how to forgive because it is our human nature to hate people that have done us wrong. Lord, show us grace and help us to show grace. Lord, thank you for restoring our marriages and giving us strength. We love you, Lord and we thank you!

“Not forgiving someone is like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die.” Author Unknown

Like, Share, Pin this post and encourage someone who is trying to forgive after an affair! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post as I give more encouragement on how to deal and get over our spouse’s having an affair!

Until next time…be encouraed!!

Social Media=Playground for Affairs

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When Social Media starts creeping in on your marriage!

I saw a post the other day that said, “Welcome to Facebook: Where people think your status is about them, people add you but will never talk to you in public, affair are started and your enemies visit your profile the most!” Now, how true is this! Statistics show that over 80% of divorce attorneys mention or have proof that affairs have been started via social media. How scary are those statistics?

If you just spend a couple minutes on a social media site, you will most likely see a married man or woman and them posting a picture of themselves and someone of the opposite sex liking their pictures. Affairs start with just one click and we need to be more aware of how to affair proof our marriage!!!

You might be reading this and thinking, I don’t think my husband or I would ever have an affair! But it can happen to anyone if you are not careful! A lady friend of mine recently was sharing with me how she began her affair with just a single click of a button! She and this particular guy started out by working together, becoming Facebook friends, liking each others pictures, commenting more on each others things, and striking and interest in each other. The more they began to talk, the more interesting things became. She shared things on Facebook that lead people to believe she was having trouble, so the guy would question her about it. That’s how they began their emotional affair!

Facebook isn’t bad. Posting pictures without your spouse isn’t bad. Making comments on other people’s posts aren’t bad. But, when you are having a hard time in your marriage, it can become tempting to post pictures of yourself and try to find attention from other people. There are many different ways to “affair-proof” your marriage when it comes to social media.

  • Do not ever talk bad about your marriage or your spouse on social media! People post about their crappy marriages or how screwed up their spouses are and they are just looking for people to talk to them about their problems. When we expose that our marriage is bad or that we aren’t happy with our spouses, we leave doors open for the opposite sex to come in and talk to us about our marriage and spouse. Of course, at first it may seem harmless but whether social media is involved or not, you should never talk to the opposite sex about your marriage or spouse.
  • Do not post pictures of yourself too much if you are noticing someone of the opposite sex liking it too much. Push for more pictures posted of you and your spouse. Sometimes when we think our spouse’s aren’t happy with us, we become self-conscious and begin looking for attention elsewhere. Trust me, social media is not the place to get the attention you are looking for!
  • Do not start private conversations with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t want their spouse’s seeing. I know you are awake, can’t sleep and so and so is on, what will it hurt to message them and just say “Hey?” Do not be private in your messages. And if someone private messages you of the opposite sex, be open with your spouse to tell them about it. When you start keeping secrets is when there are issues!
  • Don’t seem interested in a person from the opposite sex! Be careful of the things that you comment on, like, and how your actions could mislead someone of the opposite sex. It may seem harmless to you, but to them, they might not be getting the attention they want so what you are giving them by “liking” their pictures or commenting on their things might just be the attention that they need!

So many times, we don’t realize how we act when we are “in the act.” Be aware of what you do on social media. Be open with your spouse about your social media. Go each day with thinking, “If my spouse were to get on my social media, would I have some explaining to do?” And, if social media has been an issue in your marriage, then respect your spouse. Many couples have joint accounts or share passwords, and some marriages are comfortable enough not sharing accounts or knowing each others passwords.

Let’s pray. Lord, I pray for couples that are on social media. Lord, give us wisdom and show us what is smart and what is not. Help us to realize when we are going to far with the pictures that we post or the pictures we like. Help us to use social media for the good and not the bad. Help us to see when the enemy wants to use social media as a trap. Help us to be aware of everything going on through social media.

Please share, pin, e-mail or reblog this post!

Until next time…be encouraged!

50 Shades of My Marriage Sucks!

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It may be a little bit late to hop on this band wagon, but I do have a lot to say about this whole trend of 50 Shades of Grey. When I first heard about the books that were coming out, I was somewhat intrigued. My husband and I were separated, I thought I needed some romance in my life, but what did I know? I have never been a reader, and really didn’t care to spend money on a book that I was going to probably not finish anyways.

The trend of the books died down and then comes the movie. Every married, single, (it didn’t matter) lady was going to see this movie. Some were going to see the movie with their friends some were going to see the movie with their spouse. It was crazy to think some of these people were in the theaters watching this movie and then sitting in church the next morning.

I got to thinking how many men (with already pornography issues-maybe their wife/girlfriend is aware, maybe not) but how many men were triggered by this spicy, sexy movie? How many women have gotten themselves into pornography because they want more spicy in their marriage!

I have admitted, I have never read the books nor have I watched the movies. But, I do know what it is like to have a drought in the marriage. You get married, kids come along, you’re tired, you don’t really want to be intimate…but then again you know you should be and you want to be. It’s confusing being an adult, huh? But, back to the subject. I know marriages can go through periods and seasons where it is crappy. Sex is not the way it should be, communication is not good..so you argue, and marriages are torn apart!

People begin to turn to outlets when their marriages go down hill. They turn to pornography, technology, the flirty co-worker at the office. Things are thrown at marriages straight from the pit of Hell, and if our marriages is not going great 97% of the time, we will find an outlet to make us happy. And, let’s just be honest, a movie that is known to be about sex and spiciness, and a person who is wanting to see this type of movie or read this type of book is looking for something in their life!

Don’t get me wrong, I love sexy, but sexy should be kept in YOUR bedroom with YOUR spouse. A movie, a porno, a magazine, a book, an affair will only last for a season….then you will be looking for the next thing to get you excited in marriage. God created marriage and it is written in black and white in the Good Book..there are no shades of grey when it comes to God’s word and how he intended marriage to be.

I am not trying to judge anyone, but simply say, “Hey, I’ve been there!!” “I’ve looked for outlets in my marriage and THANK GOD it didn’t lead to enough destruction that is destroyed my marriage!” God loves you, and He loves your marriage. I truly believe if we ask Him how to spice up our marriage, He will give us the desire and wisdom and it will be something of Him.

If you have an issue with your marriage, and have been looking for an outlet or have found an “outlet” I just want to pray for you–

Lord God, I know that marriage is hard and that we go through so many droughts in our marriage–droughts in our bedroom. Lord, the World tries to throw these outlets at us, but God I pray that we recognize them and choose to turn to you on how to fix our marriage. Let our outlet be You, Lord! Lord, I pray that any man or woman that deals with addiction to pornography or anyone who uses pornography to satisfy their needs be healed. I pray that us that are in relationships and married, that we turn to you!

Until next time….be encouraged!

Today’s Marriage

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This is the month we face the topic of marriage!

More than 50% of the people who get married end their marriage in divorce. Most of the people who get divorced get divorced before spending their 5 year anniversary with one another. How awful are those statistics? Why can’t we make our marriages work? Why don’t we fight for our marriages anymore? Why do we give up so easily?

There are many things that come between a husband and wife: they realize they didn’t marry the people they fell in love with, kids come between marriage, work gets the best of our time with our spouses, finances become an issue, our spouse’s are unfaithful…CHANGE HAPPENS! This month, we are going to talk about changes that happen during a marriage and how to deal with these changes. I am going to visit the most common problems of a marriage each day in April.

I will be sharing some of my experiences and stories through this month. This is one of the reasons why I decided to start this blog. I was having a hard time in my marriage and I was searching for some sort of hope for my marriage. I wanted to to read that my marriage could make it and I could find very little encouragement on marriages that actually ‘work’ these days.

Can this blog fix your marriage? No. It is going to take work between you and your spouse. Can this blog encourage you? Yes! I hope that this blog encourages so many people that are hurting, that are broken and that need hope.

Stayed tuned during this month for encouragement for April! Looking for a particular topic? Check out topics on the right side of the page!

Until next time….be encouraged!