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How My Abortion Has Almost Ruined My Life…

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I got an e-mail from a lady who had read one of my articles about Teen Parenting. After reading it, I thought everyone should know her story on abortion. There are so many women out there that are using abortion for their birth control. There are so many women who are going into abortion clinics and are blind as to what is going to happen. If you have read anything of mine, you would already know that I am Pro-Life. I would rather see parents make an adoption plan or parent the baby rather than have an abortion. People think that abortion is the ‘quick fix,’ but it’s not. Here is our guests story.

I was a senior in high school and I had the college I wanted to attend already picked out with a scholarship to go along with it. One night at a party I had a little too much to drink and one thing lead to another. I had a one night fling with someone who I thought was my friend, but turned out he was a whole different person when he realized that I was pregnant. He also had a full scholarship to go play baseball. He told me “he wasn’t ready to be a dad and that I should just take care of it.” I didn’t tell a soul, even though rumors began to fly.

One morning, I got up, told my parents that I wanted to drive out to the campus that I was planning to attend in the fall, but instead, I had found an abortion clinic that I was going to go to. I had already talked to them on the phone and made an appointment. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked in and it was like a normal doctor’s office. There were some pregnant ladies in there that were even obviously showing in their pregnancy. The informed me I wouldn’t see anything. I was only 5 weeks along, so it would be a quick process. I remember just closing my eyes and hearing the most awful sounds.

I got home and couldn’t sleep for days. I was depressed. A couple days later, my mom pulled me aside and asked about my abortion. She had seen the paperwork that was sent home with me under the seat of my car. She told me I was to tell nobody. She was in shock. We were Christians and always had been involved in the church. She couldn’t believe what I had done.

I went on to college, and my life somewhat normal. I had weird dreams about the abortion..even years later down the line. I met the guy of my dreams at college. We graduated and got married shortly after. He was so excited to start having children, but I had a heavy heart and couldn’t stop thinking about the baby I had aborted 5 years earlier. I got pregnant really quick. He (my husband) couldn’t wait to text a picture to everyone of the positive pregnancy test. Everyone was excited. Just 3 weeks later, I miscarried the baby that I was pregnant with. It was like a slap in the face. I had lost a baby all over again. My husband was stayed pretty positive. After 4 miscarriages, I told him I wanted to stop trying for a little while. This began to cause problems in our marriage..big ones.

By this point, I am taking a medication for anxiety attacks and a sleep aid. I visited my ob/gyn. She informed me that scarring from the abortion was keeping me from being able to carry a child. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All my husband wanted was a family…and I wasn’t able to give him children. I didn’t know what to say.

Now, it’s been almost 11 years since my abortion. I have still yet to get pregnant. I am divorced. I did come out and tell my ex-husband about my abortion. I have told my closest friend from high school. I don’t want this to seem like a bad, awful story with a cruddy ending. But I have had to endure a lot of heartache.

I saw my ex-husband quickly remarry and have a child within the first year of marriage. My Dad wants to comfort me, but he doesn’t know the whole story about my abortion. My mother and I haven’t had a good relationship since the blow-up we had when she found my abortion papers. Yes, she accepts me, but is my closer to my older sister and brother who live great lives. My life is full of blessings, but I wish I wouldn’t have ever had an abortion. It’s caused physical, emotional and mental issues with me. I volunteer my time sitting outside the same abortion clinic trying to talk girls out of it. I don’t want to shove it down anyone’s throat..but I want people to be aware. Don’t make the same heartless, selfish decision that I did.

I am grateful for our guest for sharing her story with us. Wow. You truly never know what it’s like to go through an abortion. Society covers it up good and makes it like it’s a quick problem solver, but never goes into details about the possible risks that come with it. If you are someone who is pregnant and thinking of abortion, please consider making an adoption plan and giving your baby a life. Feel free to e-mail me and talk–completely confidential.

If you are suffering after having an abortion, you are not in this alone. Please reach out to someone and talk things over.

Please like, share, and tell us your thoughts. Are you a teen parent with a story? We want to hear from you!

Lord, I pray for all these teenagers that are facing the hard decision of abortion, making an adoption plan or to parent the baby. Give us courage, Lord, courage to make the right decision, courage to stand up for what is right, and courage if we have made a decision we regret. Give us strength each day and guide us as we are going through this. In Jesus Name!

Until next time….be encouraged!

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A Letter to the Teenage Parent

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To the Teenage Mom,

I know that finding out that you are pregnant can be so scary! How do you tell your parents? How do could you have let this happen? How will you raise the child? I know! I have been there and done that. If I could sit and have a chat with my teenage self after I found out that I was pregnant, I would say– own up to your responsibility, but remember to keep the respect for parents. Be more kind towards parents as they find out and not aggressive, but it does hurt them to see us travel down this road. Even though you think your world is ending, it’s not, it’s just beginning. Just because you are a Teenage Mom, maybe your life isn’t going as planned, but it’s okay to not have the same ending as you planned. Don’t get too caught up in “making things work” with your baby’s daddy if things aren’t going as planned. I used to beat myself up because neither of my oldest two children had their dad…we didn’t have the family I thought at the time we should have. If it doesn’t work with your baby’s father, don’t ever use the baby as a weapon. Never let your child hear you bad mouth their father. Respect them too–even if they aren’t doing right by the baby.  Give them the opportunity to know their father if their father’s are willing.  You can still be young, but be smart and remember that you are a role model for your child. Don’t drop your kids on other people. I know we still want freedom, but remember to be responsible. Don’t worry about what people say about you. They don’t know your situation and the people that talk worse about others are those who are the most miserable. Let your child know how much you love them. I know the “easy” way out may cross your mind, but no decision about your pregnancy is ever easy–the quicker you realize, the better off you will be. I don’t think women should abort their babies just because they don’t want them. If abortion has crossed your mind, be sure to pray about it and think of all the women who would die to be in your shoes right now. A baby isn’t a mistake–you’re not a mistake. Whatever problems you are facing will eventually go away. You will and can be such a great mom! 🙂

To the Teenage Dad,

Teenage Dads get such a bad rep–they really do. I know a lot of men say that they will take care of their babies, and I really think they have good intentions of it, but seriously, if you get a girl pregnant, take care of your responsibilities. I know many men who encourage abortion, don’t ever use the line “I can’t take care of that baby, get an abortion.” Never encourage abortion. I don’t care how hard the situation may seem! If you encourage anything, encourage making an adoption plan! I can think of countless babies that have never met or known their fathers–or they have fathers that want to be a father when it’s convenient for them. Make a vow to yourself and your child that this will not be you. If it doesn’t work out with the baby’s mom, don’t let that keep you from your child. Support your child always, and always know that even after they are 18, they will still need their Daddy. I know it can be easier said than done, but respect your child’s mother and never let that child hear you say a cross word about their mother. If you have to work at McDonald’s–get a job and support that baby! I don’t care if your whole paycheck goes to taking care of that baby! If you get visitation rights, take advantage of them! If you don’t get visitation rights, fight for them! Your child NEEDS you! If you don’t get visitation rights because of “how you are” then realize that it’s not ALL about YOU!  So many men walk around with nice shoes and the latest game systems, but remember it isn’t about you anymore. Respect your baby’s mother’s parents. They are hurt and let down–end the end remember it’s not all about you, even though they may put it like it is. Put your baby first. I know dad’s don’t have all the responsibility of carrying, delivering and caring for the baby, but try to be a part of every bit of it. You can and will be a good father! Don’t accept anything less than being a good father!

Teaching Your Children to Pray

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Yesterday, I was talking about how important it is to pray for our children. Today, I am encouraging parents to teach their children HOW to pray! As a child, I was taught little, cutesy prayers like “Now I lay me down to sleep….” and “God is great, God is good….” I am not saying that those prayers aren’t cute, but I think it comes a time in a child’s life where they must move on from those childish prayers.

Like I mentioned, I wasn’t taught as a child really how to pray and my prayers be really meaningful. It wasn’t until I was an adult when I really began to really learn to pray and how important it was pray. I was determined that I was going to teach my children early on how to pray, because it’s important!

I began teaching my children the little prayers to say before bedtime and before we eat. I begin to really pray how I could really teach my children to pray. We attend a church that is really big on praying and teaching us–as well as our children how important it was to start praying and constantly praying about everything and everyone!

I try to pray with my children every morning. We get to a certain point on our route to school and I say, “Okay, it’s time to start praying!” I begin praying over their day, over their protection, over their friends. I have just started really praying with them constantly this past year. They have started asking God to give them wisdom I will ask them if they have anything to pray over..sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.

Encourage your children to pray and teach them how to pray.

Lord, give us guidance on how to teach our children how to build relationships with you. If we don’t know how to pray I pray that we can learn with one another. I pray that we all can grow in faith with one another. Help us to each our children in the way they should go because your word says in Proverbs that if we teach our children in the way they should go, when they are older they will not depart from it! Thank you Lord for your word and our children!

Until next time…be encouraged!

The Importance of Spending Time With Your Kids

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As kids get older, they really don’t want to “hang out.” But, we have something in our house called “parent dates” and “family dates.” I mentioned in the marriage section how important it was to date our spouse and spend time with our spouses, but it is also so important to gain relationships and become close to our children as well!
I have really liked the idea of the Daddy/Daughter Mom/Son dates, but we just do something like taking the kids out to eat. On the weekend, we will rent movies. And I will go ahead and admit, we have good intentions on spending more time with our children and buy board games, ect, but sometimes lives get busy. Our children, the older they get, they attend extracurricular activities, church events, friends, ect. But, we try to have talks with our children. We were good with eating at the table and spending at least 30 minutes without television, laptops, and cell phones, but weeknights are crazy so we try to eat at the table at least once on the weekend and if it’s possible, during the week. We have back yard time, where we go outside and enjoy our backyard and talk with the kids. I thought that the oldest would be the worse with this time, but to our surprise, he loves backyard time!
With all the busy going on, schedule if you must, to make time with your whole family! Make time for your kids. Take them on family dates, and by the way, you don’t always have to spend money on dates! Go to the park, to the lake, go grab and ice cream, or look for freebie things to do!
This week, I challenge you to spend time with your children doing something! No griping, no arguing, but really connecting with them.
Lord, spending time with each other is so important for the important relationships in our lives. Lord, please help us to make special time to spend with our kids. Help us to connect with our kids and build lifelong relationships! On our dates, help us to make special memories that we will never forget!

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Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

It Doesn’t Require THAT Reaction

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Sometimes, kids can be pushy and they can be demanding and they can be irritating. I can recall a time with my children, the other children were running through the store trying to play chase, the younger ones were arguing each other, I was trying to get the 10 things on my grocery list without pulling my hair! We managed to get out of the store and I was furious at these kids and let them have it as soon as we got to the car!
Now, I might have yelled or grounded the kids too long, and even questioned myself, “Should I really have went that far?” There was one time, one of my children was carrying their cereal and didn’t drink their milk (when I had already told them they needed to) and spilled the milk all over my freshly mopped kitchen floor! “I told you you needed to drink your milk!” “Why were you up if you weren’t done!?” “I JUST mopped and you’ve messed up the house and put more work on me!”  “I wish you would just get away for the rest of the day so this house could just stay cleaned for more than 5 seconds!!!” It might not sound as bad, but it sure hurt my child’s feelings.
I was reading an article the other day that said, “It takes 5 minutes to clean up the spilled milk but it takes forever for them to get the hurtful words out of their minds.” It really struck me then…and this has been years sine the spilled milk in the kitchen had happened. But this got me thinking, how many times have me or my husband reacted and it’s cut our children deep, but the problem could have been solved in a couple of minutes. Yes, kids will make messes. Yes, kids will make mistakes. I am not trying to say kids shouldn’t be corrected or disciplined, but sometimes we let the weight of the world come out on our children.

Yesterday, I was talking about how parents react poorly over their children not doing “best” in sports events. We tend to do the same during grades. Yes, we want our children to do their best and make good grades, but if they aren’t, then why aren’t they?

My point is, we don’t need to belittle our or to make them feel like a moron in order to get our point across. Yes, we are the adults, and sometimes we overstep our boundaries just a tad bit when we are the authority.

Lord, I pray over relationships with parents and their children. I pray that you will show parents the correct way to get to their children and that their children will understand. I pray for the children that have had parents that have been too rough while parenting, I pray that they can heal from the past and the things their parents have told them. I have been guilty of being “too hard” on my children, may they forgive me for that. I pray for guidance while parenting.
Until next time….be encouraged!!!

The “Baby Pass.” Can the Baby in the Family Get Away With “Murder?”

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Often times if we have multiple children, we fall into letting our youngest child have the “baby pass,” and sometimes, we don’t even realize we are doing it. For instance, my husband and I have yours, mine and ours scenario. Well, we knew the baby was going to be spoiled. It was a planned child. A baby we had prayed for. When our baby was born, it wasn’t that the baby was more important that the other children we had…but we knew it was our last child so we babied the baby too much!
One day, one of our oldest children was very upset at being punished. It wasn’t the bratty, “I’m so spoiled and how dare you punish me” type of upset, but it was sincere hurting, upset. Our oldest child began to weep tears of how the baby never gets in trouble, how we just think the baby is so cute and never does anything wrong, and how the baby needed to start getting in trouble more!
At the time, I really didn’t think too much about it, but we began having major tantrum issues with the baby! And it hit me! My oldest child was right! We let my youngest get away with anything and it had gotten out of control! At the littlest whimper, our baby got exactly what they wanted! That is when we realized, we weren’t running our house…..our toddler was!
We began to really start trying to enforce some rules with our toddler, which was an even bigger nightmare. Our toddler didn’t share at church, had fussy tantrums, told us ‘no.’ How could we let our baby become such a little monster? I mean, with our previous children, we were all about “yes ma’am,” no ma’am,” yes sir,” no sir,” thank you,” you’re welcome,” sorry.” So, what made things with the baby so different?
After months of strict discipline with the baby, things began to get a little better. We still have times, even years later, where I try to pull the, “Well, you are older!” “You should know better.” Well, in all reality, the baby knows better too!
We all tend to baby the baby too much, but we never intend to hurt our other children in the process. Talking to my oldest child, they’ve expressed to me how they have felt like I liked the baby more. My husband and I never meant to make our baby a spoiled, unruly child that believed they didn’t have to mind…but it happened. If you see yourself being THAT parent…try to do equal punishment because believe it or not, if you have other children, they see it and believe you are picking favorites! I think we start to become THAT parent when we bring the baby home and start giving the baby so much attention, we can’t put our other children to the side.
Lord, we know babies are blessing, but we pray that we won’t treat the babies of the family any different than our other children. Show us that they need some sort of discipline too. Teach us the best way to parent our children–each of them.
Until next time…be encouraged!!!

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Spouse First…Kids Second

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“Spouse First, Children Second.”

I know, I know. A couple of years ago, if someone would have told me to put my spouse before my children, I would have laughed and said, “Whatever!” I guess during my husband and I being ‘disconnected’ it was always easy to put my children first. And by putting my children first, I mean my husband and I are talking and my kid needs something or wants to say something and they trump my husband’s feelings or needs. I was quick to take my children to all of their events and not even try to schedule some time to just my husband and I.

I read something not too long ago that said to basically put your spouse first because your children will not always need you like your spouse will need you. It is very true. Most likely, your children will grow up, graduate, move out and live their own lives and your spouse will still be there. How would you feel if you put your children first on everything and your spouse stuck it out with you…then when your children moved on, your spouse was still there waiting and you had neglected them all that time?

Know that when I am saying to put your spouse first, I’m not saying just drop your kids and let them fend for themselves and give your spouse all the attention. I know when you get married, you have just you and your spouse. In my case, we blended families, so we brought children into the marriage. My husband always put me over his children. He always stuck up for me. He never let them interrupt. Me, on the other hand, I would do all the wrong things. I let children get in the way of our marriage!

After realizing that I had been so wrong for so long, I began really thinking about how I could start putting my husband first in my life! Trust me moms, I know that we moms can put our children in front of our husbands! But, think of how you “push” your husband away when it comes to kids. My big one was conversations. My kids would always come between our conversations and I would tend to listen to them and then tell my husband, “We will talk later.” Well, later never came!

Some encouragement, make time for your husband. Some ways to let your spouse know that you care:

  • Make time for your spouse! Set a date! My excuse was..no sitter! Well, guess what? We started putting the kids down 30 minutes early and going outside to have coffee dates! Sometimes we can’t always find babysitters, but there is always some time to spend with your spouse! MAKE TIME EACH WEEK!
  • Ask your spouse daily how their day was and really care what happened through their day. I make time to ask each person at the dinner table how their day was, no interruptions! Ask questions about your spouse’s day, just like you would with kids! Keep up with important things going on and follow up with how things are going. If your child was not doing well in a subject, you would stay on top of things. Well, if your spouse has things going on at the workplace or in their lives, listen! Sometimes, they just want to talk!
  • Pray for your spouse! I know, some might still feel weird about this one. I’ve prayed with my spouse and when I never felt comfortable praying WITH I prayed FOR! The more we pray for people, the more involved we get in their lives and begin to care for their feelings.
  • Show your husband you care! Give goodbye kisses (like you do kids!), give goodnight kisses (like you do kids!), get your spouse special treats (pick them up their favorite drink, a candy bar, or leave them a sticky note in their lunch that says you care and love them!

If you are thinking, “My husband and I could never do this!” Yes you can! You fell in love with this person and it’s time to get back to basics!

Let pray! Lord, please help me to start putting my spouse first! I know that it’s hard parenting and also being a wife/husband, but help me to balance the two and to put my spouse first. Give me ideas to help me to connect with my spouse that make he/she feel special and wanted. Help us restore our marriage! Help us not to give up! Help us to see value in our marriage! In Jesus’ Name!!!

Share, pin, e-mail…I want to see marriages encouraged! I want to see marriages last forever! I want ‘these’ marriages be an inspiration! There are too many divorces these days! It’s time to get marriages back! It’s time to start getting these divorce rates down! AMEN??!!!!

Until next time, be encouraged!