When Pornography Creeps Into Your Marriage
I know the picture attached to this blog post is a man that is viewing his computer. But pornography is not just a problem that men deal with, there are also women who deal with pornography as well. I wanted to touch on this subject because I feel that many marriages deal with the issue of having pornography in their marriage.
It wasn’t too long ago, a friend of mine and I were talking to each other. She told me that her and her husband had a major issue in their marriage. I surely wasn’t expecting to hear that pornography was the issue..but it was. She admitted that her and her spouse had really hit a drought in their marriage after they had two children together. They were trying different things to spice up their marriage and so that led them to the sex store! While in the sex store, a video was playing. Her husband recommended maybe they buy one (a video.) So, they did. This really spiced up their marriage. Now, 4 years later, she still catches her husband viewing pornographic videos and she was getting her spiciness from romance novels, 50 Shades of Grey, ect. Since they had started reaching out for spiciness in their marriage, they have gotten out of church. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they just can’t stop.
I wanted to share this story, not to air my friend’s dirty laundry, but to let the readers know that it can happen in any marriage. It can happen to men and women who attend church. It can happen to pastors. Many people have this issue and being male or female is no an issue! ‘
Many people will not admit that they are having this issue because they are embarrassed. It is like talking about sex, it is personal and nobody wants to talk about it! If you or your spouse is having an issue with pornography in your marriage, here are several tips of advice for you!
Seek help! If you are having an issue with pornography, be open about it with your spouse. There are many Christian counselors that are willing to counsel with you and your spouse because they deal with a lot of issues like this! Most Christian counseling in the church is free, especially if you are already a member. Don’t try to hide your secret. I am not saying go yell it around the world, but don’t keep it to yourself either.
Know and realize it’s an issue- Admitting that you have an issue is the first step,right? Realizing that pornography is an issue is the first step. Pornography will never make a marriage stronger, it will not spice up the bedroom (for a long period anyway), it will not fix your marriage issues, and it’s really a trap!
Pornography usually creeps into someone’s life at a young age. When a young man (or woman) catch that glimpse of a pornographic image, they become addicted. Sometimes they can contain it, but then they think about it later in life. The issue follows them through life! Seriously! Other times, pornography creeps into marriages when there is a drought in the bedroom. Either the man or woman seeks more spiciness or like my friend’s case, they viewed it together. Men and women who seek pornography, whether it be books, magazines, videos, ect, means that they are lacking something in their marriage and once pornography wears off, affairs start happening because pornography can only remain exciting for a short period of time.
Pornography can be a major issue in a marriage. If you or your spouse are dealing with pornography. Seek help. It’s so hard to kick the habit and pornography addiction when pornography is literally at our fingertips. It pops up on our computers, there are apps for it, it is on television (whether we realize it or not!)
Steps that you can take when helping your addiction to pornography:
- Have someone that knows about your issue. Someone that knows your issue (that isn’t dealing with the issue themselves) whether it be your spouse, pastor, friend, mentor, ect, they can hold you accountable for your action. In AA meetings, you have a ”sponsor” and that sponsor holds you accountable.So find someone that you can trust and someone that will hold you accountable. NEVER seek help from someone of the opposite sex! If you are a female that is dealing with pornography, don’t counsel alone with your pastor, make sure their wife is present during counseling sessions or make sure your husband is present! Asking the opposite sex for help on this kind of subject is just asking for trouble!
- Think about what gets you looking at pornography. Is it on your phone? Delete the apps. Do you search for it? Put something on your phone/computer that blocks it.(even if it’s child’s PG-13 settings) Throw away all books that involve it. Don’t set yourself up. When you are having a hard time, confide in someone!
Lord, I pray from the men and women that struggle with viewing pornography. I pray that you give them the strength to turn away from it when they are being tempted. I pray that you give them the wisdom to know when they are being tempted! I pray that they would have the courage to step out into faith and talk to someone, even if it is their spouse when they are having issues. I pray that they will find support. I pray that any marriage that has been torn apart from pornography issues, that Lord, you start building it back up. Lord, you start restoring these marriage!
Please, share this post. If you know someone is dealing with pornography, share it with them (privately.) If you need prayer, please don’t forget my prayer wall. You can be added to the prayer wall anonymously.
Until next time…be encouraged!