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Category Archives: wife

Are We Being What Our Husband’s Need?

I would really say that my marriage is good. I am always looking for ways to make my marriage better, because I want my marriage to be best. My husband and I have endured a lot of pain and heartache through our marriage, and I try my best to never let ourselves get to that point of time ever again.

Our church does a little marriage group and we talk and fellowship with other who are married. We share ideas and difficulties of marriage. We try to build each other up. We have been watching this short series of video clips that really make us think about what we can do in our marriage and how we can do better. One of the questions in our group for the women was, “Are we being what our husband’s need?” Immediately, I would like to say yes, I am doing everything I can. But, in all honesty, I think I could always put in more for our marriage. You can always do better, right?

I began looking up some scriptures and wanted to share. Now, don’t just read the scriptures. I really want you to read them while asking, “am I applying this scripture to my husband’s needs?” “How can I do better?” So, here it goes.

Scripture 1) Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

  • I would like to think of myself as a wise woman. I’m not foolish, but oh, have I made some foolish mistakes that could have very well tore my ‘house’ down. I have said and done things that were foolish. I have acted foolish and sometimes, I catch myself STILL acting foolish. Too much foolishness makes one man tired of dealing with it. There is just so much a man can take. (And no, I am not saying he should leave you because you are being difficult or ‘foolish.’
  • What can we do each day to build our house up? How can we build our kids up? How can we build our husband up?
  • What are some ways we act foolish? How can we correct our foolish ways?

Scripture 2) Proverbs 31:12 “She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life.”

  • Did you catch the ALL part? Not just some days. Not just the days we feel like it, but ALL days! MY husband and I have almost spent a decade with each other and I’m guilty…. I have not brought my husband good ALL the days of our marriage. As a matter of fact, year 2-6 was completely awful in our marriage. I brought him more bad and harm than good. I am not saying he was the innocent one, either. And I do know that in a marriage, it takes 100%-100%, not 50-50!
  • How can we do good to our husband? How do you catch yourself bringing harm to your husband? I know that I have shot my husband with awful words. I have cut him down a lot. I know that when I get aggravated, I need to watch my words.

Scripture 3) Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction us on her tongue.”

  • Okay, going back to being wise. No, I have not always been wise in my marriage. I just admitted that I haven’t always spoke with prettiest, most nicest words… I have been mean. I haven’t always depending on God to lead me in instruction. I have had the mentality of, “Oh, I will pray to God when I need Him…but until then, God can stay in my little box.” Not very smart, huh?
  • What are some ways that you can speak with more wisdom? How can you speak wisdom to your spouse or kids? Is the instruction on your tongue faithful?

These are just some of the things that I have had on my heart tonight. I wanted to share. I know that there are tons of things that I am still having to deal with in my marriage. I want to be a great wife. I want to encourage other women to be good wives to their husband’s as well.

Lord, please help us to keep your scriptures close to our hearts and in our minds so that we can reflect on them and put them into our daily lives and in our marriages. Show us what our spouse’s need and help us to be obedient and submissive and want to serve our spouses. Help us to be Proverbs gals. In Jesus’ Name!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

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What Does Your Marriage Look Like?

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I was scrolling through Pinterest and read a quote from Marquis Clarke that says, “I want my life and my marriage to look less like the world and more like Christ.” So, with that reading that statement, I really began to think about what my marriage looks like and how my marriage looks to the world. Does it reflect Christ or is it more “worldly?”

I would like to say that my marriage reflects something that was created by Christ. I mean, I believe God created marriage but we have the capability of either letting our marriage look like it was created from God or having our marriage look like it was created from God but looks like the world got a hold of it.

I would say that at one time in our marriage, it would look very messy. People wouldn’t think we would make it. It was completely out of control. But, that is one of the reasons why I wanted to create this blog. I wanted to encourage them and show them what a marriage looks like. Now, with me saying that, I am by no means saying that my marriage is perfect…nor am I saying that my marriage has always been perfect. Obviously, if you have been reading this blog, you know it’s not.

So, what does your marriage look like? Would you say it looks more like Christ or more like the world? That might be hard to answer, especially if you and your spouse are not in the same spot. At one point in my marriage…my husband and I were not. I was in church and he wasn’t. So, I believe that in that point in our marriage that it was messy!

I just believe that the “world” is all around us! It is on the radio, on TVs, out in the store. We can be influenced by so much that is around us. That is why it is important for us to stay focused on what we are surrounded by. I believe the world creeps in a little at  a time.

John 10:10, I know I have quoted it before, but it is one scripture that I constantly have to remind myself of. “The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy…BUT God comes to give us life, so that we may live more abundantly.” We have to be on guard for the enemies and what he is throwing at us.

So, what do you say? What does your marriage look like? How has the world influenced your marriage? How can you change that?

Lord, we are surrounded by temptation, we are surrounded by things on the television, things on the radio and the worlds all around us. Let us be more aware of our surroundings and what the enemy is trying to throw at our marriages because sometimes the enemy throws things that we don’t realize and before we do realize it, it’s too late. Help us to have a more Godly, God-centered marriage. When the world sees our marriages, may they see you in the center of it and want a marriage like the ones we are showing them instead of the marriages that are on the television. Show us where we go wrong in our marriages.

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

Praying for Your Spouse

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Many years ago, I was going to a church that was so prayerful. They were constantly telling us how important it was to pray about everything. Things that we needed, things that we wanted, and people in our lives. I don’t know if I just didn’t know how to pray or I just never really thought about praying for people. I mean, I prayed for people, but only if they were sick.
It wasn’t until a lady came up to me and asked me boldly if I prayed for my husband. I told her that I didn’t really pray for him. She was completely shocked. She told me everyday that I went without praying for my husband it was like a day was going by that I was not putting an investment into my marriage. I really began to think about this. How would I pray for my husband? What would I say?
I started going to these prayer meetings and women’s conferences and really began to learn how to “Pray for my husband.” So, maybe you are in the same position that I was in and either don’t pray for your husband because you don’t know how or you really haven’t thought about praying for anyone if nothing was actually wrong with them. I’ve also heard, “Why would I pray for someone when God already knows?” I believe that that is true. God does know, but how much more significant your prayers mean to God or how closer praying for your spouse you will become.
I know, it sounds crazy about becoming more close. But, as you begin to pray and the more you pray, the more you will start caring and really learning more about your spouse. We have a prayer chain at our church. People that are needing prayers will add themselves to the chain and the prayerful people in the church will pray for them. I can recall one man that was on our prayer chain. He had cancer, and it was very quick that he was diagnosed and he became very sick. I kept up with this man–his doctors appointments, his test results..everything. I really didn’t know this man, per say, but I really felt connected to this man. I really began praying for this man. A couple months passed, and this man passed away. I had known of this man, but not really had a personal relationship with him and it completely broke my heart when he passed away. Not like the, “Oh, I feel so sorry for his family,” no, this was sad, depressing, crying over this man’s death.
When we truly care about something, we invest time in it. So, start investing in time praying for your spouse. If you don’t know how, start out small. If you become disconnected and feel like you know nothing about your spouse, it can be difficult to pray for your spouse. But, it is doable. You can pray for the stranger you see on the street AND you can definitely pray for your spouse!
When is the best time to pray? In the shower? On the way to work? Getting ready in the morning? Take a couple minutes out of your day and really begin praying for your husband.
Several things to pray over-

  • Pray over your spouse’s day. Do they have a stressful work day? Pray that they will have a productive, stress-free day. Is there temptation at work? Pray that your spouse will not have any temptations of this world distract them from your marriage. Promotion coming up? Praying favor, that if it is God’s will they get the job, that they will. You get the picture, right?
  • Pray deeper into your spouse’s life. Do they have anger issues? Pray that God will reveal their anger issues to them. Sometimes things happen in our spouse’s lives that causes them pain..so the default emotion? Anger. Pray for your spouse and their issues.
  • Pray protection of your spouse’s life- As they travel, as they are at work, as they are at the gym.
    You know your spouse, I don’t! You know their needs, so pray for them! I am challenging you to start small and pray for your spouse!

Lord, I pray that you show us how to pray for our spouse. We may feel disconnected from one another, but Lord, they have needs just like we have needs, so please show us how to pray. Let communication open up between us. As we pray for our spouse’s, let us feel more connected and begin to care more for our spouse. If we are feeling disconnected, help restore our marriage!
Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

There was a time during our marriage where I absolutely did not appreciate my husband. As a matter of fact, I took everything he did for granted. Looking back now, I sometimes wonder if maybe I would have appreciated him more, maybe then he would know how much I respected and loved him. Looking back now, I wonder why I didn’t show him how much I loved him or appreciated him.

My husband has always worked very hard for our family. He has always loved to cook for the family. He has never been a selfish person. I might have could said a lot of things about him, but selfish was not one of them. Now that I realize how much I took for granted and looking around, I realize how much a lot of people take for granted in their marriage.

I believe marriages would start being built up if people started respecting and appreciating their spouses. So, the big question..do you appreciate your spouse? There are many different ways that you can show your spouse appreciation, even when you think that they don’t deserve it

Each day, try your best to tell your spouse something that you appreciate them doing–even if it is simply just appreciating them just going to work and trying to provide for the family. When is the blast time you actually verbally expressed your appreciation for your spouse and something that they did?

My challenge for you this week is to tell your spouse something that you really appreciate n, tell them that they are a stepdad to your children, tell them that you appreciate them taking on the Father role. If you could make up your mind to tell your spouse something each day, or ever other day this week, something that you appreciate about them, you never know, it could make all the difference in the world.

When we don’t feel appreciated in our marriage, we start feeling worthless. We start feeling unloved, and that is never a good place to be in a marriage. When we don’t feel appreciated, we have an enemy who loves to have a field day and tell us lies. So, make sure that your spouse knows how much you love them each and every day and make sure that they know how much you appreciate them!

Lord, sometimes, when we are going through hectic times in our marriage, we forget to appreciate the things that our spouse is actually doing in our lives instead of the negative things that they are doing in your marriage. Help our spouses to see that we are trying to appreciate them and build our marriages off! Help us as we are trying ot build our marriages! Restore our marriages, Lord!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!!!

 

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Hope for the Separated Couples

In a way, I do have to give some respect to those who choose separation rather than just hopping right into getting a divorce. I am not saying that separation is necessarily a good thing, but I believe that divorce can be better than divorce. Granted, separating can be hard on families. I have been on both sides of separation. I have been  child and my parents separating over and over again, and I have even separated from my husband once in our marriage, but played the “I am leaving you” game plenty of times.

I think some couples get a couple of things confused when they decide to separate. If you are separated from your spouse at this time, or you have talked about separating, make sure that you are understanding what you are doing, and if you have children, make sure that you realize that they may react negatively towards your decision.

After my youngest child was born, I suffered from PPD (Post Partum Depression) and like I had described before, my husband and and I had been completely disconnected for a long time. I was suffering from depression and he was so busy working to make ends meet and we were just distant. We were constantly arguing and it was just a really rough time in our marriage. Our kids were young and we had a newborn and we thought that it would be best to separate. One of the things that we didn’t consider was how the kids would react. We didn’t talk to the kids or explain anything, I just up and left with the kids! It was during the summer time so I made it like a summer vacation…without Dad! The kids started acting out. I was even more depressed trying to juggle everything together. When we did talk, we threw around divorce a lot. That is just some of our story!

Some things to consider or think about before or if you are currently separated:

  • Your children- If you are constantly fighting, then yes, maybe it is time for a little break. But, sometimes it is good to let your children know that marriages aren’t perfect. I used to have it in my mind that my children would always see my marriage as perfect and no fighting! But, if we never allow our children to see us argue sometimes, then aren’t we setting them up for disappointment? Think about some of the things your children might go through if you were to separate. The changes that it would make in their lives.
  • What exactly is separation- A lot of people separate and they think that they can immediately take off their wedding rings and are single. Separation is to HELP your marriage, not to make it worse. When you are separated, it doesn’t mean you are divorced or single–it means that you are taking time away from your spouse (with hopes of working things out) and you are working on your marriage.
  •  Keeping contact with your spouse while you are separated- Sometimes it is good to keep in contact with your spouse. If you are thinking of any hopes or futures with your spouse, keep all contact positive. Meet up for a date for just the two of you! Send cute text messages! Send her flowers! Don’t waste your time grooming for a relationship that isn’t with your spouse…put the effort into working on the marriage that you already have! Work on forgiving! Get in church and really seek God during this time!

It is crazy how people will get separated and start sleeping around with other people and making relationships with them. It’s “play” time. I don’t think that’s what separation is about.

Lord, I pray for all the couples are going through separation. I pray that couples start realizing how valuable their marriage is. I pray that you open the eyes of the ones that are separated. I pray that all communication is not negative but positive communication. I pray that you will restore marriages that don’t feel like they have any hope! I pray for all marriages!

Until next time… be encouraged!

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It’s the Little Things That Matter..

Okay, so, in all honestly, I have had a hard time keeping up with posting. The point of this month was to post about some of the things that would help, encourage, and to let other couples know that they aren’t the only one to go through things! But, I had something else I wanted to share. Sometimes, marriage can be really hard and stressful, but sometimes, we have to take a second and realize the little things because sometimes it is the little things that matter.

Everyone has just felt awful around our house. Sinuses and allergies have just gotten the best of us! We have all been crabby and short with one another. Last night, I came to bed early. I had a headache. My husband kept the kids quiet and spend time with them–tending to them and getting them to bed. I guess we get in our minds that that is the “Mom’s job..” or at least in my mind it is. I was a stay at home mom for the longest time that I guess I still feel that it’s my responsibility to do everything that relates to taking care of the kids and taking care of the house…so I really appreciates when my husband steps in!

But! That’s not what really caught my attention last night. When my husband finally came to bed, he was the sweetest man on the face of the Earth…to me anyway. He knew I felt awful, and he caressed my hair and he rubbed and ‘karate chopped’ my neck. I was really just starting to notice how sweet he was treating me. Then, he just started telling me all of these sweet things like how I was so beautiful, how that there were billions of people and half of those being women but he would not rather be laying and taking care of any other person, how I was his best friend. I felt like the most important things while he was saying those things to me. I really felt like he meant those things.

So, regardless of the hard times we have had through our marriage, times like last night really make me think more of the good times that we have had instead of dwelling on all of the negative, ugly things in our marriage. Sometimes, we need to get out of these moods of being down and thinking our marriages suck so bad!

As my husband and I were going through marriage counseling, we were taught about love languages. I think that there are 5 different (yes, 5 because I looked it up!)

  1. Words of Affirmation- Hearing or telling the words, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.” Some people just really love words of affirmation. I am really thinking that my love language is the words of affirmation. I don’t need diamonds or fancy thing to know that my husband loves me.
  2. Quality Time- Some people fall in love when you absolutely giving you their undivided attention without any distractions. I am kind of thinking this might be my husband’s love language! He loves just hanging out! He feels loved so much when we are just hanging out on our back porch or out on a date.
  3. Gift- Some people love getting gift! Sending your spouse flowers or picking them up something that they would really like. A lot of women have the love language of getting gifts!
  4. Acts of Service- Showing that you love someone by doing something for them! Picking up one of their chores that they absolutely hate! Picking up something on the way home that you know that your spouse was needing to do. Just basically saying, “Let me do it for you!”
  5. Physical Touch- Now, most people would say, “that’s my husband!” But, it’s not all about the bedroom physical-ness…(yes, I just made that a word!) This love language can be holding hands, kissing foreheads, playing footsie.

So, hearing these love languages, what is yours? I would definitely say mine is either Words of Affirmation or Acts of Service! Nothing says, “I love you,” in my opinion like letting me know how important I am, how good of a job I am doing, or picking up a chore that I absolutely hate (washing dishes!)

Thinking of the love languages, what is your spouse’s love language? What really makes them happy? From now on, or perhaps when you are thinking about the bad times in your marriage, think about your spouse’s love language. If you had to choose one of the five above for your spouse, which one would it be? Make time to think about your spouse’s love language.

There are many things out there one the big web that talks about love languages. There are even self tests if you don’t know what your love language is! Dohhh! Go figure! 🙂

Lord, if we don’t know what our love language is or our spouse’s love language is, begin to show us with our actions with our spouse. Lord, help us to use these love languages while we are connecting with our spouse. And, if we are going through a rough time in our marriages, let our spouse’s react in a positive manner and realize when we are trying to show them love languages. Help us to use our love languages to really build and make our marriages stronger. Thank you, Lord, for helping us with our marriages!

Until next time, be encouraged!!!!

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When Pornography Creeps Into Your Marriage

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When Pornography Creeps Into Your Marriage

I know the picture attached to this blog post is a man that is viewing his computer. But pornography is not just a problem that men deal with, there are also women who deal with pornography as well. I wanted to touch on this subject because I feel that many marriages deal with the issue of having pornography in their marriage.

It wasn’t too long ago, a friend of mine and I were talking to each other. She told me that her and her husband had a major issue in their marriage. I surely wasn’t expecting to hear that pornography was the issue..but it was. She admitted that her and her spouse had really hit a drought in their marriage after they had two children together. They were trying different things to spice up their marriage and so that led them to the sex store! While in the sex store, a video was playing. Her husband recommended maybe they buy one (a video.) So, they did. This really spiced up their marriage. Now, 4 years later, she still catches her husband viewing pornographic videos and she was getting her spiciness from romance novels, 50 Shades of Grey, ect. Since they had started reaching out for spiciness in their marriage, they have gotten out of church. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they just can’t stop.

I wanted to share this story, not to air my friend’s dirty laundry, but to let the readers know that it can happen in any marriage. It can happen to men and women who attend church. It can happen to pastors. Many people have this issue and being male or female is no an issue! ‘

Many people will not admit that they are having this issue because they are embarrassed. It is like talking about sex, it is personal and nobody wants to talk about it! If you or your spouse is having an issue with pornography in your marriage, here are several tips of advice for you!

Seek help! If you are having an issue with pornography, be open about it with your spouse. There are many Christian counselors that are willing to counsel with you and your spouse because they deal with a lot of issues like this! Most Christian counseling in the church is free, especially if you are already a member. Don’t try to hide your secret. I am not saying go yell it around the world, but don’t keep it to yourself either.

Know and realize it’s an issue- Admitting that you have an issue is the first step,right? Realizing that pornography is an issue is the first step. Pornography will never make a marriage stronger, it will not spice up the bedroom (for a long period anyway), it will not fix your marriage issues, and it’s really a trap!

Pornography usually creeps into someone’s life at a young age. When a young man (or woman) catch that glimpse of a pornographic image, they become addicted. Sometimes they can contain it, but then they think about it later in life. The issue follows them through life! Seriously! Other times, pornography creeps into marriages when there is a drought in the bedroom. Either the man or woman seeks more spiciness or like my friend’s case, they viewed it together. Men and women who seek pornography, whether it be books, magazines, videos, ect, means that they are lacking something in their marriage and once pornography wears off, affairs start happening because pornography can only remain exciting for a short period of time.

Pornography can be a major issue in a marriage. If you or your spouse are dealing with pornography. Seek help. It’s so hard to kick the habit and pornography addiction when pornography is literally at our fingertips. It pops up on our computers, there are apps for it, it is on television (whether we realize it or not!)

Steps that you can take when helping your addiction to pornography:

  • Have someone that knows about your issue. Someone that knows your issue (that isn’t dealing with the issue themselves) whether it be your spouse, pastor, friend, mentor, ect, they can hold you accountable for your action. In AA meetings, you have a ”sponsor” and that sponsor holds you accountable.So find someone that you can trust and someone that will hold you accountable. NEVER seek help from someone of the opposite sex! If you are a female that is dealing with pornography, don’t counsel alone with your pastor, make sure their wife is present during counseling sessions or make sure your husband is present! Asking the opposite sex for help on this kind of subject is just asking for trouble!
  • Think about what gets you looking at pornography. Is it on your phone? Delete the apps. Do you search for it? Put something on your phone/computer that blocks it.(even if it’s child’s PG-13 settings) Throw away all books that involve it. Don’t set yourself up. When you are having a hard time, confide in someone!

Lord, I pray from the men and women that struggle with viewing pornography. I pray that you give them the strength to turn away from it when they are being tempted. I pray that you give them the wisdom to know when they are being tempted! I pray that they would have the courage to step out into faith and talk to someone, even if it is their spouse when they are having issues. I pray that they will find support. I pray that any marriage that has been torn apart from pornography issues, that Lord, you start building it back up. Lord, you start restoring these marriage!

Please, share this post. If you know someone is dealing with pornography, share it with them (privately.) If you need prayer, please don’t forget my prayer wall. You can be added to the prayer wall anonymously.

Until next time…be encouraged!