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Category Archives: Married

What Does Your Marriage Look Like?

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I was scrolling through Pinterest and read a quote from Marquis Clarke that says, “I want my life and my marriage to look less like the world and more like Christ.” So, with that reading that statement, I really began to think about what my marriage looks like and how my marriage looks to the world. Does it reflect Christ or is it more “worldly?”

I would like to say that my marriage reflects something that was created by Christ. I mean, I believe God created marriage but we have the capability of either letting our marriage look like it was created from God or having our marriage look like it was created from God but looks like the world got a hold of it.

I would say that at one time in our marriage, it would look very messy. People wouldn’t think we would make it. It was completely out of control. But, that is one of the reasons why I wanted to create this blog. I wanted to encourage them and show them what a marriage looks like. Now, with me saying that, I am by no means saying that my marriage is perfect…nor am I saying that my marriage has always been perfect. Obviously, if you have been reading this blog, you know it’s not.

So, what does your marriage look like? Would you say it looks more like Christ or more like the world? That might be hard to answer, especially if you and your spouse are not in the same spot. At one point in my marriage…my husband and I were not. I was in church and he wasn’t. So, I believe that in that point in our marriage that it was messy!

I just believe that the “world” is all around us! It is on the radio, on TVs, out in the store. We can be influenced by so much that is around us. That is why it is important for us to stay focused on what we are surrounded by. I believe the world creeps in a little at  a time.

John 10:10, I know I have quoted it before, but it is one scripture that I constantly have to remind myself of. “The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy…BUT God comes to give us life, so that we may live more abundantly.” We have to be on guard for the enemies and what he is throwing at us.

So, what do you say? What does your marriage look like? How has the world influenced your marriage? How can you change that?

Lord, we are surrounded by temptation, we are surrounded by things on the television, things on the radio and the worlds all around us. Let us be more aware of our surroundings and what the enemy is trying to throw at our marriages because sometimes the enemy throws things that we don’t realize and before we do realize it, it’s too late. Help us to have a more Godly, God-centered marriage. When the world sees our marriages, may they see you in the center of it and want a marriage like the ones we are showing them instead of the marriages that are on the television. Show us where we go wrong in our marriages.

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

Praying for Your Spouse

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Many years ago, I was going to a church that was so prayerful. They were constantly telling us how important it was to pray about everything. Things that we needed, things that we wanted, and people in our lives. I don’t know if I just didn’t know how to pray or I just never really thought about praying for people. I mean, I prayed for people, but only if they were sick.
It wasn’t until a lady came up to me and asked me boldly if I prayed for my husband. I told her that I didn’t really pray for him. She was completely shocked. She told me everyday that I went without praying for my husband it was like a day was going by that I was not putting an investment into my marriage. I really began to think about this. How would I pray for my husband? What would I say?
I started going to these prayer meetings and women’s conferences and really began to learn how to “Pray for my husband.” So, maybe you are in the same position that I was in and either don’t pray for your husband because you don’t know how or you really haven’t thought about praying for anyone if nothing was actually wrong with them. I’ve also heard, “Why would I pray for someone when God already knows?” I believe that that is true. God does know, but how much more significant your prayers mean to God or how closer praying for your spouse you will become.
I know, it sounds crazy about becoming more close. But, as you begin to pray and the more you pray, the more you will start caring and really learning more about your spouse. We have a prayer chain at our church. People that are needing prayers will add themselves to the chain and the prayerful people in the church will pray for them. I can recall one man that was on our prayer chain. He had cancer, and it was very quick that he was diagnosed and he became very sick. I kept up with this man–his doctors appointments, his test results..everything. I really didn’t know this man, per say, but I really felt connected to this man. I really began praying for this man. A couple months passed, and this man passed away. I had known of this man, but not really had a personal relationship with him and it completely broke my heart when he passed away. Not like the, “Oh, I feel so sorry for his family,” no, this was sad, depressing, crying over this man’s death.
When we truly care about something, we invest time in it. So, start investing in time praying for your spouse. If you don’t know how, start out small. If you become disconnected and feel like you know nothing about your spouse, it can be difficult to pray for your spouse. But, it is doable. You can pray for the stranger you see on the street AND you can definitely pray for your spouse!
When is the best time to pray? In the shower? On the way to work? Getting ready in the morning? Take a couple minutes out of your day and really begin praying for your husband.
Several things to pray over-

  • Pray over your spouse’s day. Do they have a stressful work day? Pray that they will have a productive, stress-free day. Is there temptation at work? Pray that your spouse will not have any temptations of this world distract them from your marriage. Promotion coming up? Praying favor, that if it is God’s will they get the job, that they will. You get the picture, right?
  • Pray deeper into your spouse’s life. Do they have anger issues? Pray that God will reveal their anger issues to them. Sometimes things happen in our spouse’s lives that causes them pain..so the default emotion? Anger. Pray for your spouse and their issues.
  • Pray protection of your spouse’s life- As they travel, as they are at work, as they are at the gym.
    You know your spouse, I don’t! You know their needs, so pray for them! I am challenging you to start small and pray for your spouse!

Lord, I pray that you show us how to pray for our spouse. We may feel disconnected from one another, but Lord, they have needs just like we have needs, so please show us how to pray. Let communication open up between us. As we pray for our spouse’s, let us feel more connected and begin to care more for our spouse. If we are feeling disconnected, help restore our marriage!
Until next time…be encouraged!!!!

Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

There was a time during our marriage where I absolutely did not appreciate my husband. As a matter of fact, I took everything he did for granted. Looking back now, I sometimes wonder if maybe I would have appreciated him more, maybe then he would know how much I respected and loved him. Looking back now, I wonder why I didn’t show him how much I loved him or appreciated him.

My husband has always worked very hard for our family. He has always loved to cook for the family. He has never been a selfish person. I might have could said a lot of things about him, but selfish was not one of them. Now that I realize how much I took for granted and looking around, I realize how much a lot of people take for granted in their marriage.

I believe marriages would start being built up if people started respecting and appreciating their spouses. So, the big question..do you appreciate your spouse? There are many different ways that you can show your spouse appreciation, even when you think that they don’t deserve it

Each day, try your best to tell your spouse something that you appreciate them doing–even if it is simply just appreciating them just going to work and trying to provide for the family. When is the blast time you actually verbally expressed your appreciation for your spouse and something that they did?

My challenge for you this week is to tell your spouse something that you really appreciate n, tell them that they are a stepdad to your children, tell them that you appreciate them taking on the Father role. If you could make up your mind to tell your spouse something each day, or ever other day this week, something that you appreciate about them, you never know, it could make all the difference in the world.

When we don’t feel appreciated in our marriage, we start feeling worthless. We start feeling unloved, and that is never a good place to be in a marriage. When we don’t feel appreciated, we have an enemy who loves to have a field day and tell us lies. So, make sure that your spouse knows how much you love them each and every day and make sure that they know how much you appreciate them!

Lord, sometimes, when we are going through hectic times in our marriage, we forget to appreciate the things that our spouse is actually doing in our lives instead of the negative things that they are doing in your marriage. Help our spouses to see that we are trying to appreciate them and build our marriages off! Help us as we are trying ot build our marriages! Restore our marriages, Lord!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!!!

 

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It’s the Little Things That Matter..

Okay, so, in all honestly, I have had a hard time keeping up with posting. The point of this month was to post about some of the things that would help, encourage, and to let other couples know that they aren’t the only one to go through things! But, I had something else I wanted to share. Sometimes, marriage can be really hard and stressful, but sometimes, we have to take a second and realize the little things because sometimes it is the little things that matter.

Everyone has just felt awful around our house. Sinuses and allergies have just gotten the best of us! We have all been crabby and short with one another. Last night, I came to bed early. I had a headache. My husband kept the kids quiet and spend time with them–tending to them and getting them to bed. I guess we get in our minds that that is the “Mom’s job..” or at least in my mind it is. I was a stay at home mom for the longest time that I guess I still feel that it’s my responsibility to do everything that relates to taking care of the kids and taking care of the house…so I really appreciates when my husband steps in!

But! That’s not what really caught my attention last night. When my husband finally came to bed, he was the sweetest man on the face of the Earth…to me anyway. He knew I felt awful, and he caressed my hair and he rubbed and ‘karate chopped’ my neck. I was really just starting to notice how sweet he was treating me. Then, he just started telling me all of these sweet things like how I was so beautiful, how that there were billions of people and half of those being women but he would not rather be laying and taking care of any other person, how I was his best friend. I felt like the most important things while he was saying those things to me. I really felt like he meant those things.

So, regardless of the hard times we have had through our marriage, times like last night really make me think more of the good times that we have had instead of dwelling on all of the negative, ugly things in our marriage. Sometimes, we need to get out of these moods of being down and thinking our marriages suck so bad!

As my husband and I were going through marriage counseling, we were taught about love languages. I think that there are 5 different (yes, 5 because I looked it up!)

  1. Words of Affirmation- Hearing or telling the words, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.” Some people just really love words of affirmation. I am really thinking that my love language is the words of affirmation. I don’t need diamonds or fancy thing to know that my husband loves me.
  2. Quality Time- Some people fall in love when you absolutely giving you their undivided attention without any distractions. I am kind of thinking this might be my husband’s love language! He loves just hanging out! He feels loved so much when we are just hanging out on our back porch or out on a date.
  3. Gift- Some people love getting gift! Sending your spouse flowers or picking them up something that they would really like. A lot of women have the love language of getting gifts!
  4. Acts of Service- Showing that you love someone by doing something for them! Picking up one of their chores that they absolutely hate! Picking up something on the way home that you know that your spouse was needing to do. Just basically saying, “Let me do it for you!”
  5. Physical Touch- Now, most people would say, “that’s my husband!” But, it’s not all about the bedroom physical-ness…(yes, I just made that a word!) This love language can be holding hands, kissing foreheads, playing footsie.

So, hearing these love languages, what is yours? I would definitely say mine is either Words of Affirmation or Acts of Service! Nothing says, “I love you,” in my opinion like letting me know how important I am, how good of a job I am doing, or picking up a chore that I absolutely hate (washing dishes!)

Thinking of the love languages, what is your spouse’s love language? What really makes them happy? From now on, or perhaps when you are thinking about the bad times in your marriage, think about your spouse’s love language. If you had to choose one of the five above for your spouse, which one would it be? Make time to think about your spouse’s love language.

There are many things out there one the big web that talks about love languages. There are even self tests if you don’t know what your love language is! Dohhh! Go figure! 🙂

Lord, if we don’t know what our love language is or our spouse’s love language is, begin to show us with our actions with our spouse. Lord, help us to use these love languages while we are connecting with our spouse. And, if we are going through a rough time in our marriages, let our spouse’s react in a positive manner and realize when we are trying to show them love languages. Help us to use our love languages to really build and make our marriages stronger. Thank you, Lord, for helping us with our marriages!

Until next time, be encouraged!!!!

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Keeping the Fights Clean

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Keeping the Fights Clean

Ok, so obviously we are all married or in a relationship and obviously, we are going to have arguments and disagreements with one another–sometimes, even fights. I heard or read one time that it is good to have disagreements with our spouse. I don’t know about you, but I completely hate it. I guess when I got married, I thought we were so in love and that everything would be perfect, but GEEZE was I wrong! I mean, we were and are still in love, but our marriage has been far from perfect.

My husband and I have gotten into the worst of fights. We have screamed cussed, slammed doors, broken things and even gotten physical (not in the good way) with one another. Looking back, I feel so ashamed for acting like such a fool. I read constantly on Facebook about couples who are like this…because yes, they post it! So, what about you and your spouse? Do you keep the fights ”clean?”

I believe that love can be messy. It can sometimes be ugly. We might not intend on our relationships becoming ugly. We never intend to be ugly…or sometimes we do, but we shouldn’t. If you and your spouse do not get along, or sometimes it may even seem like you hate each other..that is never good! So, what are some steps that you can take in order to getting your relationship back on the right track?

Don’t “plan” to argue with your spouse- Of course, our spouses are going to do things that are going to tick us off. But, we have control over how WE act. We might not have control over how they are going to act, but we do have control over how WE react to what they have to dish out to us. Here are couple tips.

  • When our spouses do something that upsets us, do not think bad thoughts. Do not plan your arguments in your head. Depending on what your spouse has done, think of the BEST way you can approach them. Do not start text messages blasting off how big of pieces of crap they are. That’s never good and will never solve anything.
  • Instead of planning on the ways you can be ugly to your spouse for their wrong doings, plan on how you can do right. Pray before reacting.

Never, ever name call- I know that when arguments get deep, every name in the book can come out of your mouth. But, guess what?! You have control over that. If your spouse happens to call you a name or say something that offends you, simply say to yourself (in your head) “I forgive them for that.” It’s easier said than done, I know.

Learn when to walk away- If you and your spouse gets into overheated conversations, know when to walk away. Know when the conversation isn’t going anywhere and know when to stop the fight before it gets started. If you feel yourself getting upset, learn to tell your spouse that you love them during the argument. Let them know that you love them more than this argument.

Learn to not sweat the stupid stuff- Do you know how long my husband and I had arguments because I didn’t cook the spaghetti like he was used to eating it? Or how many arguments we had because I didn’t fold his jeans correctly? Or how many times I argued at him for not cleaning up his hair in the bathroom after shaving. Or the pee droplets on the toilet seat?! Or how many times we argued over stupid things that no longer matter to us. Sometimes, we have to live with the stupid, irritating habits our spouses have. I finally started making the spaghetti the way my husband likes it. I still fold his jeans incorrectly. He still leaves a lot of hair in the sink after shaving. We’ve learned to not have stupid arguments over little things that can easily be fixed. Look over the small stuff!

Know when to seek help- I hate to see divorces happen, but I never want to encourage people that have HAD to leave their spouse because they are in danger. Maybe you are in that position. If you and your spouse are very abusive to one another, learn when it’s time to get help. Maybe that doesn’t mean getting a divorce, but maybe that means simply seeking counseling. And my biggest excuse for not wanting to go to counseling was, “it cost too much.” Well, there are many churches out there and many pastors that counsel FOR FREE. Don’t raise a family in an abusive home. Seek help!

Remember your children- I don’t care if your child is 1 day old or if they are 18 years old, they are watching you and how you act can and will damage their lives. For babies, they can always sense stress. It is the weirdest thing ever. When my babies were babies and I would fight with their fathers, they would scream and holler and it happened that way EVERY TIME! Babies sense stress. For the older children, they are watching. You may keep thinking to yourself, they will never remember this. Well, if nothing changes, yes they will remember it. You are teaching your daughters how they are to be treated by their husbands and your sons how they are to treat their wives. We are teaching our children either how to have negative relationships or positive ones. What are your children seeing you do?

  • If you and your spouse is arguing, do it away from the children. Go to your room. Make it to where they can not hear or see the things that are going on. They are too little and young to be involved in your problems.
  • I don’t care how bad your spouse is, never bad mouth your spouse to your children.

Do not bring up old stuff- I do struggle with this, I’m not even going to lie. I have a habit of throwing up my husband’s past hurts that he has done with me. “Hey, you wrote a check and now we have an overdraft fee and are in the negatives!!” “Well, remember that time 6 years ago when you forgot to pay the bill?!?” If you mess up, own up to your mistakes. Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we need to own up to our mistakes. Don’t throw up something from the past, because a past is called a past for a reason! Just because your spouse has an issue with you doesn’t mean you have to have an issue with them!

Lord, I pray for these marriages that don’t do clean fighting! Lord, help us to learn to communicate with each other! Help us to not be ugly and to be smart about having arguments! Help us to know when to get help if we need it. Most couples may think counseling is dumb, but Lord, sometimes we need wisdom! Help us in our marriages today and everyday!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

To the Person on the Verge and/or is Having an Affair

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To the person who is/or on the verge of having an affair-

I wanted to take a moment to address the men and women who are out there that are in the middle of an affair, or are flirting with the idea of having an affair. I am not making this post to judge people, but I think when we are in the middle of things, we aren’t seeing clearly. When temptation is thrown at us, we don’t always look at what the long- term looks like, but we are looking at the ‘now’ and what ‘now’ feels like and how ‘now’ makes us feel.

If you are a person who is flirting with the idea of having an affair with someone who is married or maybe you are in the middle of having an affair, please stop. I ask you to stop because YOU ARE A PERSON WITH VALUE! A person with value will not have to wait for their ”person of their dreams” to leave their spouse just to be with them. Do you know what your title is when you are having an affair with a married person? You are the SIDE PERSON! Side people do not have value or see value in themselves. If you are reading this, you are a person with value! You are more than ”a side person!” If you have thought, “but they love me so much.” No, because if they loved you, they would also see value in you and treat you with value. If you have to hide a relationship, it’s not worth having. “They are going to leave their spouse.” Umm, but they haven’t yet. They are still going home to them..I don’t care how crappy they say their home life is. They are still going to home to THAT person..not YOU! You have more value than that! Own it! If you are in a relationship or flirting with the idea of having an affair with someone who is already married, just do yourself a favor and DROP IT! Seriously. There are plenty of men and women out there who would be glad to be seen in public with you, receive text messages from you without having to worry about being caught, go on actual dates! Do yourself a favor and see value in yourself. You are more than a side person, side chick, or home wrecker! SEE VALUE!

If you are flirting with the idea of having an affair or in the middle of an affair, do yourself, your wife and children a favor and BREAK THAT CRAP OFF! I don’t care what your marriage looks like or how much of a piece of crap your spouse is. Having an affair is not the answer…never is! Maybe you are thinking, “My spouse and I are getting divorced anyway.” But, you haven’t yet. You are still married. So, respect it and own your marriage. “My spouse will never find out.” This is the hugest lie people tell themselves. People talk, people find out, and they will find out! Believe that! “My spouse doesn’t love me anyway.” If they didn’t love you, maybe they feel the same about you. Maybe they don’t feel like you value them or love them either. Maybe instead of putting all of your effort in hiding a relationship or working hard to impress someone other than your spouse, put work towards your spouse instead. Have you ever heard the quote, “If the grass is  greener on the other side, water your own grass!” This is true! Most married people have no intentions on leaving their spouses, but they want something different. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their spouse, because something in them still cares and loves their spouse. Maybe you are thinking that sounds like you.

Think about people that you will hurt along with way of having an affair. Wives, husbands, children, and family are drug into your affair. Affairs hurt other people along the way. Affairs embarrass people along the way. The people doing the affair is not meaning to hurt others, but they aren’t thinking while it’s going on.

Affairs don’t solve marriage issues. Many men and women get lonely during their marriages and think that they will just have a short affair until their marriage gets back on track. Affairs don’t solve marriage problems, they make them worse.

Affairs make people feel like they have value. People that participate in affairs usually do not see value in themselves or in their marriage so they are tempted with other people that make them have temporary value in themselves, but they aren’t thinking about the long term.

Have you ever read the story about Adam and Eve and Satan gives them the ‘forbidden’ fruit? It looked so good to Adam and Eve, so they ate it! They sinned against God. This is the same situation. Satan can dress things up so nicely that make you feel good about yourself, but in the end, they are just a road to destruction.

Having an affair will not help you, your spouse, your children, your family, or even the other person that is involved in the affair. If your marriage sucks so bad, then get out of it before getting involved with someone else. If you are the ”other person” then see value in yourself. When people are caught in affairs, they aren’t seen as people with value. Having an affair will kill your reputation. Think about it.

Lord, I pray for all the people around the world who are tempted EVERYDAY by people they pass and work with. I pray that they recognize these temptations and they see that they are not good. Lord, if we are seeking people who are married to give us attention, Lord, I pray that we stop right now and see value in ourselves. Lord, help us to see the value in ourselves! Help us to see that we are made from You and that You don’t make junk! Help us to realize that having an affair might seem good and pleasing while it’s going on, but show us the big picture and that it will end in destruction. Lord, give us wisdom!

Until next time…be encouraged!