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Who’s in Your Profile Picture?

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I’ve picked my brain for several days trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. I would start a post and then wouldn’t ‘feel right’ about what I posted. Everything I post, I want God to be a part of it. I know I talk a lot about Social Media and being careful on how you present yourself. What you put on Social Media reflects parts of your life. What are you showing the World?

While my husband and I were going through some of the hardest seasons of our lives, I am sure if people on our social media sites poked around enough, they would see that we were going through hard times. You notice a lot just by song lyrics, single pictures, promiscuous looking pictures, quotes, ect… I know that when I was having trouble with my marriage, I would have pictures of just me and the kids because 1) I wasn’t spending enough time with my spouse. 2) I didn’t want to post pictures of him. (not because I was looking for anything outside of my marriage, but just because I was fed up..) 3) He wasn’t posting things about us, so I wasn’t posting things about us.

When my husband and I had our big revelation in our marriage over a year ago, I realized how much of my life I shared on social media, and how many pictures I didn’t capture of us! One day, my husband was looking for a picture of himself and asked me…I searched my phone that I had been using for 2 years and found 4 pictures of my husband! This made me sad..

I’m not trying to shoot down people that just have themselves on their profile pictures…that’s okay. You were having a good makeup and hair day or you’ve gained a lot of muscles so you want to post it and brag. That’s okay. All I am saying is..watch what you put on Social Media. What we post on Social Media truly defines us. It’s okay to post all these things from time to time, but be sure to post positive things about your marriage as well. BE SURE TO NEVER POST ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT SHOOTS YOUR SPOUSE DOWN OR DEGRADES YOUR SPOUSE….I DON’T CARE HOW BIG A’ PIECE CRAP YOU THINK THEY ARE. CALLING THEM OUT ON FACEBOOK NOT ONLY SHOWS THE WORLD YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS, BUT IT SHOWS YOUR TRUE CHARACTER AS WELL! REMEMBER THAT!

If you are having a hard time in your relationship, don’t make it obvious by posting obvious things on your page that will get the attention of others. Sometimes, like in my case, I didn’t realize until AFTER THE FACT that I was doing it. So, I wanted to write on it..

If you post single pictures- and you are doing it for attention of the opposite sex. You might want to check yourself.

If you post picture of yourself- and you are getting more likes from the opposite sex and one of those likes from the opposite sex isn’t from your spouse. You might want to check yourself.

If you are putting pictures of yourself- without shirt, low cut shirts, bikinis, and making obvious that you have nothing to do with your spouse.. you might want to check yourself.

If you are liking pictures of the opposite sex- and you are in a committed relationship or married…you might want to check yourself.

Maybe your spouse hates taking pictures. Make it a point to WANT to take a picture with them. Just because your marriage is going through a hard time don’t let that define your whole marriage. Make your spouse feel good by posting a picture of your wedding day, a special day or your anniversary! Post a picture of your family or better yet, post a picture of just your spouse. This will make your spouse feel valued and special. If you are having a hard time in your marriage, this doesn’t mean that you need to find a temporary fix with someone else or that you need to start looking for a back-up plan just in case your marriage don’t work out.

Lord, Social Media can be a great place to keep up with friends and family, but it can also be used as a huge marriage trap. It can destroy marriage and us not even be aware of it. Lord, let us have the eyes to see and help us to be on guard. Lord, help us to be smart about the things that we post on Social Media sites. Help us by strengthening our marriage and giving us a refreshment in our marriage.

Until next time….be encouraged.

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Praying For Your Children

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Remember how I was talking about how I was talking about how important it was to pray for your spouse? Well, it is just as important to pray for your children. The other day on the radio station, parents were sharing how they liked to pray for your children.

One parent admitted that her and her husband prayed and prayed for a child. Finally after they had their child, they quit praying for their child. Often times, we forget to pray for our children. But it’s important to pray for your children, pray over their day and over their lives!

I’m challenging parents who are reading this blog post to begin praying for your children! Several things to pray over:

A hedge of protection over their day- If you turn the news on, you will hear of the violence and cruel world we are living in. It’s important to pray over our children’s day and over their protection while they aren’t in our care. Pray over protection over their school and everyone that they pass along the halls. Pray for their health! begin thanking God that they are healthy!

For Decisions They May Make– The older our children become, the more decisions they will be faced with–as well as peer pressure that they will have to face! Begin to pray over your children and the decisions that they will make. Pray that if they ever face any peer-pressure that they will know and be brave enough to stand up against it.

That Their Lights Will Shine– Every day, I pray that my children will let their lights shine for the Lord. I have taught my children who God is and only pray that they will let their lights shine. I realize that not all of their friends will have the same beliefs as they will, but I pray that they will be smart with choosing their friends. And that if they have any friends with different beliefs, that they will rub off on their friends instead of their friends rubbing off on them.

For The People In Their Lives– I think this is important. I pray that my children will make good decisions with their friends. Call me crazy, I even pray for my children’s future spouses. I pray that they will be smart with the people that they allow into their lives. I pray for the teachers that are teaching my children.

It’s an important thing to to pray for your children. I hope that this encourages you to pray for your children!

Lord, I pray that as we pray for our children, we will become closer to our children. On the days we don’t know what to pray for our children, I pray that you show us how to pray for our children and what to pray for our children. I pray that you will hear and honor our prayers as it fits your will!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

Hope for the Separated Couples

In a way, I do have to give some respect to those who choose separation rather than just hopping right into getting a divorce. I am not saying that separation is necessarily a good thing, but I believe that divorce can be better than divorce. Granted, separating can be hard on families. I have been on both sides of separation. I have been  child and my parents separating over and over again, and I have even separated from my husband once in our marriage, but played the “I am leaving you” game plenty of times.

I think some couples get a couple of things confused when they decide to separate. If you are separated from your spouse at this time, or you have talked about separating, make sure that you are understanding what you are doing, and if you have children, make sure that you realize that they may react negatively towards your decision.

After my youngest child was born, I suffered from PPD (Post Partum Depression) and like I had described before, my husband and and I had been completely disconnected for a long time. I was suffering from depression and he was so busy working to make ends meet and we were just distant. We were constantly arguing and it was just a really rough time in our marriage. Our kids were young and we had a newborn and we thought that it would be best to separate. One of the things that we didn’t consider was how the kids would react. We didn’t talk to the kids or explain anything, I just up and left with the kids! It was during the summer time so I made it like a summer vacation…without Dad! The kids started acting out. I was even more depressed trying to juggle everything together. When we did talk, we threw around divorce a lot. That is just some of our story!

Some things to consider or think about before or if you are currently separated:

  • Your children- If you are constantly fighting, then yes, maybe it is time for a little break. But, sometimes it is good to let your children know that marriages aren’t perfect. I used to have it in my mind that my children would always see my marriage as perfect and no fighting! But, if we never allow our children to see us argue sometimes, then aren’t we setting them up for disappointment? Think about some of the things your children might go through if you were to separate. The changes that it would make in their lives.
  • What exactly is separation- A lot of people separate and they think that they can immediately take off their wedding rings and are single. Separation is to HELP your marriage, not to make it worse. When you are separated, it doesn’t mean you are divorced or single–it means that you are taking time away from your spouse (with hopes of working things out) and you are working on your marriage.
  •  Keeping contact with your spouse while you are separated- Sometimes it is good to keep in contact with your spouse. If you are thinking of any hopes or futures with your spouse, keep all contact positive. Meet up for a date for just the two of you! Send cute text messages! Send her flowers! Don’t waste your time grooming for a relationship that isn’t with your spouse…put the effort into working on the marriage that you already have! Work on forgiving! Get in church and really seek God during this time!

It is crazy how people will get separated and start sleeping around with other people and making relationships with them. It’s “play” time. I don’t think that’s what separation is about.

Lord, I pray for all the couples are going through separation. I pray that couples start realizing how valuable their marriage is. I pray that you open the eyes of the ones that are separated. I pray that all communication is not negative but positive communication. I pray that you will restore marriages that don’t feel like they have any hope! I pray for all marriages!

Until next time… be encouraged!

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It’s the Little Things That Matter..

Okay, so, in all honestly, I have had a hard time keeping up with posting. The point of this month was to post about some of the things that would help, encourage, and to let other couples know that they aren’t the only one to go through things! But, I had something else I wanted to share. Sometimes, marriage can be really hard and stressful, but sometimes, we have to take a second and realize the little things because sometimes it is the little things that matter.

Everyone has just felt awful around our house. Sinuses and allergies have just gotten the best of us! We have all been crabby and short with one another. Last night, I came to bed early. I had a headache. My husband kept the kids quiet and spend time with them–tending to them and getting them to bed. I guess we get in our minds that that is the “Mom’s job..” or at least in my mind it is. I was a stay at home mom for the longest time that I guess I still feel that it’s my responsibility to do everything that relates to taking care of the kids and taking care of the house…so I really appreciates when my husband steps in!

But! That’s not what really caught my attention last night. When my husband finally came to bed, he was the sweetest man on the face of the Earth…to me anyway. He knew I felt awful, and he caressed my hair and he rubbed and ‘karate chopped’ my neck. I was really just starting to notice how sweet he was treating me. Then, he just started telling me all of these sweet things like how I was so beautiful, how that there were billions of people and half of those being women but he would not rather be laying and taking care of any other person, how I was his best friend. I felt like the most important things while he was saying those things to me. I really felt like he meant those things.

So, regardless of the hard times we have had through our marriage, times like last night really make me think more of the good times that we have had instead of dwelling on all of the negative, ugly things in our marriage. Sometimes, we need to get out of these moods of being down and thinking our marriages suck so bad!

As my husband and I were going through marriage counseling, we were taught about love languages. I think that there are 5 different (yes, 5 because I looked it up!)

  1. Words of Affirmation- Hearing or telling the words, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.” Some people just really love words of affirmation. I am really thinking that my love language is the words of affirmation. I don’t need diamonds or fancy thing to know that my husband loves me.
  2. Quality Time- Some people fall in love when you absolutely giving you their undivided attention without any distractions. I am kind of thinking this might be my husband’s love language! He loves just hanging out! He feels loved so much when we are just hanging out on our back porch or out on a date.
  3. Gift- Some people love getting gift! Sending your spouse flowers or picking them up something that they would really like. A lot of women have the love language of getting gifts!
  4. Acts of Service- Showing that you love someone by doing something for them! Picking up one of their chores that they absolutely hate! Picking up something on the way home that you know that your spouse was needing to do. Just basically saying, “Let me do it for you!”
  5. Physical Touch- Now, most people would say, “that’s my husband!” But, it’s not all about the bedroom physical-ness…(yes, I just made that a word!) This love language can be holding hands, kissing foreheads, playing footsie.

So, hearing these love languages, what is yours? I would definitely say mine is either Words of Affirmation or Acts of Service! Nothing says, “I love you,” in my opinion like letting me know how important I am, how good of a job I am doing, or picking up a chore that I absolutely hate (washing dishes!)

Thinking of the love languages, what is your spouse’s love language? What really makes them happy? From now on, or perhaps when you are thinking about the bad times in your marriage, think about your spouse’s love language. If you had to choose one of the five above for your spouse, which one would it be? Make time to think about your spouse’s love language.

There are many things out there one the big web that talks about love languages. There are even self tests if you don’t know what your love language is! Dohhh! Go figure! 🙂

Lord, if we don’t know what our love language is or our spouse’s love language is, begin to show us with our actions with our spouse. Lord, help us to use these love languages while we are connecting with our spouse. And, if we are going through a rough time in our marriages, let our spouse’s react in a positive manner and realize when we are trying to show them love languages. Help us to use our love languages to really build and make our marriages stronger. Thank you, Lord, for helping us with our marriages!

Until next time, be encouraged!!!!

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Getting Back to the Butterflies and Fireworks in Our Marriage

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Getting back to Butterflies and Fireworks in Our Marriage

Do you remember when you and your spouse first met? How they made you feel? What about the where you two had your first kiss? What you did on your first dates? Thinking back, what have been your most special memories that you have made with your spouse? Looking back on all these memories, think about what has happened to get you away from what you two were back then. What does happen to us that makes us become disconnected from our spouse? Why do we come to a point in our relationship and start thinking, “that person is not the same person I married” or “what happened to our marriage?”

When we are dating, things are fun. We are spontaneous. We can’t wait to hear from our spouses. We don’t really have any responsibilities in the dating stage, only that we are to be madly, crazy, in love with our spouses! So what takes away madly, crazy in love from us? Life. We get married, and the responsibility of work, bills, housework, kids, ect. happen.

Ladies, we get stressed about raising kids, what’s for supper, “will I ever get laundry caught up?” “is today soccer practice or t-ball?” The list goes on. It seems like our minds never rest. We get so caught up in life that we forget to make time for our spouses. We begin to lose those butterflies and fireworks that we once had when we were dating or first married.

Guys, sometimes has issues with growing up. Or they are working to make ends meet for the family. Maybe they are busy and they get caught up in life that they forget to make time for their wives. Either way, life gets in the way of men and women everyday and we lose focus of the people that we were dating!

Maybe you have a desire to get back to THOSE people that you once were. Maybe you have thoughts that you could never become those people again because too much has happened in your marriage. Maybe you feel that you are just going through the motions of your marriage and barely hanging on. You might not be thinking of divorce or see any threats to your marriage, but you definitely know that you weren’t the same people that you were.

So! Getting back to the basics! There are some things that I would like to challenge you to do this week!

Make a date for your spouse! If you can’t find a babysitter, don’t sweat it. Maybe you can put the kids to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual and take that 16 minutes to talk to your spouse about how their week is going, what’s been going on at the workplace, make plans with them. If nothing else, make a point to hold hands, steal a kiss, and say that you love them. If you have older kids, let them pick out a movie and allow them to have a “kid’s date” while you and your spouse have a “grown-up date.” If you score and get a babysitter, make plans to do something you and your spouse enjoy or enjoyed when you were dating. MAKE TIME FOR YOUR SPOUSE THIS WEEK!

TALK,TEXT,LOVE! Make time everyday this week to text your spouse. Text them things like, “Hey baby, I love you.” “Hey, I thought you were so hot this morning!” “Hey, I miss you today!” “Hey, I can’t wait until our date!!” Find time in your busy day to call or text your spouse to let them know you are thinking of them. **Don’t get your feelings hurt if they are busy or if they don’t seem to recognize it, because believe it or not, it means something to them.** If they are grumpy about you contacting them, maybe they aren’t used to this treatment, so they don’t know how to act. Maybe they are bitter about how your marriage has gone downhill. But, hopefully, it makes them feel special!

Pick something special this week! Find something to do for your spouse this week that will make them feel special, something that you normally wouldn’t do. Get a sticky note and leave them a sweet note, get a dry erase marker and write how sexy/beautiful/hot they are on the bathroom mirror, have their favorite snack on their side of the bed so they can have a bedtime snack. If you need more ideas, look at Pinterest! Lord knows us ladies have an account and have food boards, kid boards, clothes boards, houses we will never have boards….but how about this week we create a “Spouse Board?” Make your profile picture on Facebook one of you and your spouse! Comment on their profile picture! Comment on their social media accounts! Get involved in their life and do something out of the norm that will let them know that you are trying!

Pray for your spouse! When you think about how bad your marriage is, or maybe how your marriage isn’t the way it once was, instead of getting down about it pray for your spouse! Pray that God would trigger a feeling or emotion and get you back to take place in your memory! Pray for extra time with your spouse and that you two would connect during your time together.

I encourage all married people out there to start getting back to the basics, and don’t stop until you get back to there. And when you get back to that point, don’t stop! Keep doing things that leave your spouse in awe. Make it your daily goal to make your spouse feel special and loved. Even if they aren’t returning the favor right away. Keep doing your part. It’s hard to do good when you aren’t getting anything in return, but don’t give up on your marriage.

Lord, I pray for marriages that are going through seasons in their marriage where they are feeling disconnected from one another. I pray that you give us crazy ideas on how to reach our spouse so that they will know how special they are. I pray that marriages that have gotten away from God, turns back to God and keeps God in the center of their marriage. Give us wisdom on how to make our marriage work! As we are trying in our marriage, give us strength! Amen

Until next time…be encouraged!

To the Person Who Has Had an Affair.

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To the person who has had an affair.

For whatever reason the affair has ended, it doesn’t matter. I wanted to post this for the people who have had an affair. Maybe you were married and had an affair on your spouse and maybe you aren’t married and had an affair with someone who is married or maybe both parties were married–if you have been a person who has had an affair, if I could give any advice to you, it would be, not to beat yourself up too bad. When we make any kind of mistakes, we tend to beat ourselves up, feel stupid for our actions and really just downright beat ourselves up!

Usually people who have had affairs that have ended knows the pain that they have caused people. They know what they did was wrong. They feel bad as well. Just because you made a wrong decision, doesn’t make you a bad person. We all might not have affairs, but we all do wrong things from time to time in our marriages.

If your marriage has survived an affair thus far, then treat your spouse with respect and allow them time to heal what they feel was destroyed from the affair. Show your spouse the love that your marriage lacked in the first place. Vow to your spouse that you will never do it again and never meant to make such careless mistakes in the past. Give your spouse a reason to trust you again. Be very open with your spouse, because that’s what they need. Stay connected with your spouse. If you ever feel yourself leading back towards being tempted, pray about it and seek help. Never make the same mistake again. Learn from this mistake!

Affairs are messy, they hurt people, break people, make people feel worthless in the end, but I believe whatever Satan throws at us that is meant to hurt us, God can turn it around into something good.

If you were ”the other person” and run into the man/woman’s spouse, sincerely tell them that you are sorry, because they deserve an apology. Sometimes, that apology is what they need in order to move along because in their minds, they believe you are not trustworthy, they hold anger and hatred towards you and what you’ve done. Find a way to let them know how sorry you were. Don’t make excuses for your actions, but be open and just let them know you are sorry for your actions. If you can’t tell them face to face that you are sorry, then find a way. But pray about it first. They might not take to it very well, but later on, I believe that they will honor your apology. But, never apologize if you have any intentions on messing with the man/woman again!

I hope that this has helped people who have been apart of affairs. I have spent almost the whole month talking about affairs, but I really think that marriages struggle with getting over them and it was really on my heart to share.

Lord, I pray that the people that have had affairs can find self worth in themselves. I pray that you will help them Lord to not make the same mistakes again. Maybe the affairs they were in were set up by our enemy, but Lord, help them to turn this MESS into a MESSAGE! To you be the glory! There are many people on the verge of having affairs, and I pray that people that have already had affairs can minister to them and to tell them that it’s not worth it! I pray that you give them the strength and courage to apologize to the people that they have hurt along the way, whether it be the spouses of the men/women they were having affairs with, family members that they have hurt or disappointed along the way. I pray for restoration in this situation! I pray for healing in this situation! Amen!

Until next time…be encouraged!

To the Person on the Verge and/or is Having an Affair

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To the person who is/or on the verge of having an affair-

I wanted to take a moment to address the men and women who are out there that are in the middle of an affair, or are flirting with the idea of having an affair. I am not making this post to judge people, but I think when we are in the middle of things, we aren’t seeing clearly. When temptation is thrown at us, we don’t always look at what the long- term looks like, but we are looking at the ‘now’ and what ‘now’ feels like and how ‘now’ makes us feel.

If you are a person who is flirting with the idea of having an affair with someone who is married or maybe you are in the middle of having an affair, please stop. I ask you to stop because YOU ARE A PERSON WITH VALUE! A person with value will not have to wait for their ”person of their dreams” to leave their spouse just to be with them. Do you know what your title is when you are having an affair with a married person? You are the SIDE PERSON! Side people do not have value or see value in themselves. If you are reading this, you are a person with value! You are more than ”a side person!” If you have thought, “but they love me so much.” No, because if they loved you, they would also see value in you and treat you with value. If you have to hide a relationship, it’s not worth having. “They are going to leave their spouse.” Umm, but they haven’t yet. They are still going home to them..I don’t care how crappy they say their home life is. They are still going to home to THAT person..not YOU! You have more value than that! Own it! If you are in a relationship or flirting with the idea of having an affair with someone who is already married, just do yourself a favor and DROP IT! Seriously. There are plenty of men and women out there who would be glad to be seen in public with you, receive text messages from you without having to worry about being caught, go on actual dates! Do yourself a favor and see value in yourself. You are more than a side person, side chick, or home wrecker! SEE VALUE!

If you are flirting with the idea of having an affair or in the middle of an affair, do yourself, your wife and children a favor and BREAK THAT CRAP OFF! I don’t care what your marriage looks like or how much of a piece of crap your spouse is. Having an affair is not the answer…never is! Maybe you are thinking, “My spouse and I are getting divorced anyway.” But, you haven’t yet. You are still married. So, respect it and own your marriage. “My spouse will never find out.” This is the hugest lie people tell themselves. People talk, people find out, and they will find out! Believe that! “My spouse doesn’t love me anyway.” If they didn’t love you, maybe they feel the same about you. Maybe they don’t feel like you value them or love them either. Maybe instead of putting all of your effort in hiding a relationship or working hard to impress someone other than your spouse, put work towards your spouse instead. Have you ever heard the quote, “If the grass is  greener on the other side, water your own grass!” This is true! Most married people have no intentions on leaving their spouses, but they want something different. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their spouse, because something in them still cares and loves their spouse. Maybe you are thinking that sounds like you.

Think about people that you will hurt along with way of having an affair. Wives, husbands, children, and family are drug into your affair. Affairs hurt other people along the way. Affairs embarrass people along the way. The people doing the affair is not meaning to hurt others, but they aren’t thinking while it’s going on.

Affairs don’t solve marriage issues. Many men and women get lonely during their marriages and think that they will just have a short affair until their marriage gets back on track. Affairs don’t solve marriage problems, they make them worse.

Affairs make people feel like they have value. People that participate in affairs usually do not see value in themselves or in their marriage so they are tempted with other people that make them have temporary value in themselves, but they aren’t thinking about the long term.

Have you ever read the story about Adam and Eve and Satan gives them the ‘forbidden’ fruit? It looked so good to Adam and Eve, so they ate it! They sinned against God. This is the same situation. Satan can dress things up so nicely that make you feel good about yourself, but in the end, they are just a road to destruction.

Having an affair will not help you, your spouse, your children, your family, or even the other person that is involved in the affair. If your marriage sucks so bad, then get out of it before getting involved with someone else. If you are the ”other person” then see value in yourself. When people are caught in affairs, they aren’t seen as people with value. Having an affair will kill your reputation. Think about it.

Lord, I pray for all the people around the world who are tempted EVERYDAY by people they pass and work with. I pray that they recognize these temptations and they see that they are not good. Lord, if we are seeking people who are married to give us attention, Lord, I pray that we stop right now and see value in ourselves. Lord, help us to see the value in ourselves! Help us to see that we are made from You and that You don’t make junk! Help us to realize that having an affair might seem good and pleasing while it’s going on, but show us the big picture and that it will end in destruction. Lord, give us wisdom!

Until next time…be encouraged!