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The Truth About AshleyMadison.com

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I didn’t even know what AshleyMadison.com was until a couple of days ago when I had noticed that 13 people had shared this blog post about it on Facebook. I knew if that many people were interested in it…I guess it must have been ‘something.’ So, I began looking into this website and was honestly appalled by what I was reading and the listings of people in my area on this site!

The website’s famous logo is, “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Hmm..let that sink in. Over the past couple of days, I have heard news stories, people sharing on Facebook, on Twitter about this ridiculous website. “Females frantically checking this site and adding their husband’s e-mail to see if they are affiliated with this site.” “Spouses buying these programs to see what sites their spouse is on.” Are people really that concerned with their marriage that they have to worry if their spouse is visiting a site like AshleyMadison.com?

The truth about life–about marriage is yes, marriage is hard. Yes, at times, we can feel unappreciated or distant from our spouses. Life gets in the way of marriage. Sometimes, we think that our spouse doesn’t love us anymore because they aren’t the person we married. They don’t show their love. Or maybe, they have even it has came out of their mouths that they don’t love us–or they hate us, or hate our marriage. When our marriage hits a breaking point, some people do give up and get weak. Some people do start looking for attention from the opposite sex because they aren’t getting it from their spouse. Some people do have affairs. The world, the website, is saying that it’s okay to have an affair. It’s all a big secret that won’t get back to your spouse.

The truth of the matter here is that people don’t need a website to find someone to have an affair. The temptation is at work, at the gym, in public, or even in the church. This website might be ”talked about” and flaunted like it’s some solution to fix your life. But, do you really think an affair will fix things in your life? Do you really think that an affair will make things easier? Do you really think you should be finding someone else when you are still committed to a person you vowed for better or worse with?

If you find yourself worried that you spouse is having an affair, maybe you should check your marriage! How can you fix it? Have you prayed about it? Have you talked with someone or did you seek counsel? And if you are that person that is miserable in your marriage and think that “YES!” “And affair is just what I need!” Maybe you need to check yourself.If you think you can seek something better, maybe you should dedicate the effort you put into having an affair, keeping it a secret, deleting texts, deleting phone logs, deleting e-mails…..man! That’s tiring and some work. Put that work into you marriage. Instead of trying to impress the woman who is also married and has a family, buy your wife some flowers and take her to dinner. Instead of sending a dirty picture to the man who is already wearing a wedding ring, try respecting yourself and sending your husband a text message telling him how much you appreciate him and love him and send him a picture of your wedding day!

That’s just my two cents ya’ll…..take it as a grain of salt if you need to, but believe me, it’s true!

Dear God, I pray for marriages! There are temptations on Facebook, on Youtube, on the TV, at our work…Lord help us to see these temptations! Help us to recognize these as a trap from Hell! Lord, restore our marriages! Help us to follow what the Bible says about marriage and apply it to our own marriages. Help us to be cautious of our surroundings. Lord, give us a refreshing mind and a renewing love for our spouses. Help us to remember who we married and why we married them. Help us to set good examples of what a marriage is to our family and children. The world is awful and says that it’s okay to have affairs. Lord, help us not to believe those lies, but to seek Your Truth! In JESUS NAME

Until next time…be encouraged!

Are We Being What Our Husband’s Need?

I would really say that my marriage is good. I am always looking for ways to make my marriage better, because I want my marriage to be best. My husband and I have endured a lot of pain and heartache through our marriage, and I try my best to never let ourselves get to that point of time ever again.

Our church does a little marriage group and we talk and fellowship with other who are married. We share ideas and difficulties of marriage. We try to build each other up. We have been watching this short series of video clips that really make us think about what we can do in our marriage and how we can do better. One of the questions in our group for the women was, “Are we being what our husband’s need?” Immediately, I would like to say yes, I am doing everything I can. But, in all honesty, I think I could always put in more for our marriage. You can always do better, right?

I began looking up some scriptures and wanted to share. Now, don’t just read the scriptures. I really want you to read them while asking, “am I applying this scripture to my husband’s needs?” “How can I do better?” So, here it goes.

Scripture 1) Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

  • I would like to think of myself as a wise woman. I’m not foolish, but oh, have I made some foolish mistakes that could have very well tore my ‘house’ down. I have said and done things that were foolish. I have acted foolish and sometimes, I catch myself STILL acting foolish. Too much foolishness makes one man tired of dealing with it. There is just so much a man can take. (And no, I am not saying he should leave you because you are being difficult or ‘foolish.’
  • What can we do each day to build our house up? How can we build our kids up? How can we build our husband up?
  • What are some ways we act foolish? How can we correct our foolish ways?

Scripture 2) Proverbs 31:12 “She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life.”

  • Did you catch the ALL part? Not just some days. Not just the days we feel like it, but ALL days! MY husband and I have almost spent a decade with each other and I’m guilty…. I have not brought my husband good ALL the days of our marriage. As a matter of fact, year 2-6 was completely awful in our marriage. I brought him more bad and harm than good. I am not saying he was the innocent one, either. And I do know that in a marriage, it takes 100%-100%, not 50-50!
  • How can we do good to our husband? How do you catch yourself bringing harm to your husband? I know that I have shot my husband with awful words. I have cut him down a lot. I know that when I get aggravated, I need to watch my words.

Scripture 3) Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction us on her tongue.”

  • Okay, going back to being wise. No, I have not always been wise in my marriage. I just admitted that I haven’t always spoke with prettiest, most nicest words… I have been mean. I haven’t always depending on God to lead me in instruction. I have had the mentality of, “Oh, I will pray to God when I need Him…but until then, God can stay in my little box.” Not very smart, huh?
  • What are some ways that you can speak with more wisdom? How can you speak wisdom to your spouse or kids? Is the instruction on your tongue faithful?

These are just some of the things that I have had on my heart tonight. I wanted to share. I know that there are tons of things that I am still having to deal with in my marriage. I want to be a great wife. I want to encourage other women to be good wives to their husband’s as well.

Lord, please help us to keep your scriptures close to our hearts and in our minds so that we can reflect on them and put them into our daily lives and in our marriages. Show us what our spouse’s need and help us to be obedient and submissive and want to serve our spouses. Help us to be Proverbs gals. In Jesus’ Name!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

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Why Everyone Should Have an Accountability Person!

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If you would have asked me a year ago if I had someone that ‘holds me accountable,’ I would have thought that I didn’t need an accountability person, that was something for Celebrating Recovery programs! I have had a big revelation, and I think that everyone should have someone that can hold them accountable for their actions, the way they live, and just everyday things.

We all have girlfriends, guys we hang out with and even our spouses, but are they doing what they need to be doing to hold us accountable? Okay, picture this. You are having issues with your spouse, you are in the wrong, you tell your girlfriend’s and they have your back (even though you are in the wrong as well!) See, there is a difference between a friend and someone that can hold you accountable. Someone that holds you accountable would be the one who does tell you that you are wrong as well, or give you a better scenario of how you could have done better.

I think that is sometimes why marriages fail or that they have so much issues is because we don’t have that person to tell us that we are making mistakes in our relationships, in our parenting, in our daily lives. They are people that have our back, that will have our side, that will bad mouth our spouses and make things worse! That’s not somebody that will hold you accountable. And true friend’s might be honest. They might be people that hold you accountable, and that’s great. I just see a lot of people that have issues in their lives, and they don’t have the support that they need. They have people telling them what they want to hear.

Do you know why people who are married doesn’t tell their parents or family their marriage problems? Because parents and family usually turn against the spouse that they are not kin to. Have you ever caught yourself talking about your spouse to your friend’s or your family? Have your friends agreed along with you and started talking poorly about your spouse? It is kind of like the saying, “adding fuel to the fire.”

My point, find someone that will be honest with you. Find someone who will not sugar coat your life and tell you the things that you want to hear. Yes, you will always have that friend who if you have issues with your husband, so will they….I am not saying kick those friend’s to the curb…but, be careful what you share with that friend.

I am thinking about a friend of mine. She’s actually been married way longer than I have and every single time I see her, she has something negative to say about her husband. She is never going to divorce him, I know that. But, her and her husband do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. Instead of chiming in with her saying, “Oh yeah, he’s a dirtbag, piece of crap….!” No, I try to tell her something positive. I tell her to try to be more patient. I tell her to not stop praying for her husband. She appreciates me doing that. For one reason why I try to not sugar coat or hold people accountable, especially in their marriage is because they appreciate it later. Everyone needs that.

Lord, I know we have issues in our lives. Life is hard. But, please help us to be wise about who we share things with. Help us to have someone that will hold us accountable. Help us to hold our spouse’s accountable. Just be with us and guide us. In Jesus’ name!

Until next time…be encouraged!

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Suicide Awareness

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Through my lifetime, I have had a handful of people that I have known to commit suicide. I had known of several people committing suicide while I was growing up and then since I have been an adult, several more people that I’ve known have committed suicide as well.

You turn on the news, you search the internet, and you just get on a social media site and you will see the statistics for suicide. Huffington Post writes

Each year, 34,000 people committ suicide, about twice as many deaths as caused by homicide– abot one death per 15 minutes. By 2030, depression will outpace cancer, stroke, war and accidents as the world’s leading cause of disability and death, according to the World Health Organization.”

How awful is that piece of information? I lost a friend here recently. She was a mother that left behind her children. She was a daughter. I see the sad posts almost everyday that her mother posts about losing her daughter. She admits that she knew nothing was wrong with her daughter. I attended that visitation and it was quite challenging to say the least. Her parents weren’t able to speak at the funeral, but one of her siblings did. Her older brother mentioned that he knew that his sister was suffering a little, but thought it was normal. Her husband had cheated on her a couple months before and ended up leaving her and the children. He said that his sister spend so many hours scrolling through Facebook. He challenged the people who attended the funeral and that had a Facebook account to post at least once a week something positive…something that if someone on the verge of committing suicide was to be reading your post, it would make them change their minds–that it would give them a ray of hope.

I know some of my reader’s don’t believe in God or an enemy, but I do. I have shared the scripture before John 10:10, that we do have an enemy that comes to steal, kill and destroy. But God comes to give us life–so that we may live it more abundantly.

We pass people daily. How many are suffering? How many people are going through something? How many have though about ending their lives because it would “be better?” I have suffered from depression, and sometimes I find myself and think that there is no way out of it. But there is. I make sure to talk to my husband and let him know.

If you or someone you know suffer from depression, talk to someone. Don’t be like me and have several friends on Facebook that have committed suicide and have to read about it in your newsfeed. Everyone is fighting a battle–some may not even allow people to know. Reach out and be kind.

CHALLENGE: In honor of my friend, I challenge my readers to post something often on their social media pages something positive or the suicide hotline number! You might save someone’s life.

Lord God, I pray for those people out there that are hurting. Let us me more aware of the enemies attack’s, especially when the enemy throws up to us that we need to end our own lives. Help us to be courageous and not be scared to reach out to someone if we are hurting and depressed. Lord, I pray that we would be more aware–give us the eyes to see– people that deal with depression! Help us to be aware of the signs! In Jesus’ name!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1 (800) 273-8255

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Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

There was a time during our marriage where I absolutely did not appreciate my husband. As a matter of fact, I took everything he did for granted. Looking back now, I sometimes wonder if maybe I would have appreciated him more, maybe then he would know how much I respected and loved him. Looking back now, I wonder why I didn’t show him how much I loved him or appreciated him.

My husband has always worked very hard for our family. He has always loved to cook for the family. He has never been a selfish person. I might have could said a lot of things about him, but selfish was not one of them. Now that I realize how much I took for granted and looking around, I realize how much a lot of people take for granted in their marriage.

I believe marriages would start being built up if people started respecting and appreciating their spouses. So, the big question..do you appreciate your spouse? There are many different ways that you can show your spouse appreciation, even when you think that they don’t deserve it

Each day, try your best to tell your spouse something that you appreciate them doing–even if it is simply just appreciating them just going to work and trying to provide for the family. When is the blast time you actually verbally expressed your appreciation for your spouse and something that they did?

My challenge for you this week is to tell your spouse something that you really appreciate n, tell them that they are a stepdad to your children, tell them that you appreciate them taking on the Father role. If you could make up your mind to tell your spouse something each day, or ever other day this week, something that you appreciate about them, you never know, it could make all the difference in the world.

When we don’t feel appreciated in our marriage, we start feeling worthless. We start feeling unloved, and that is never a good place to be in a marriage. When we don’t feel appreciated, we have an enemy who loves to have a field day and tell us lies. So, make sure that your spouse knows how much you love them each and every day and make sure that they know how much you appreciate them!

Lord, sometimes, when we are going through hectic times in our marriage, we forget to appreciate the things that our spouse is actually doing in our lives instead of the negative things that they are doing in your marriage. Help our spouses to see that we are trying to appreciate them and build our marriages off! Help us as we are trying ot build our marriages! Restore our marriages, Lord!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!!!!

 

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Hope for the Separated Couples

In a way, I do have to give some respect to those who choose separation rather than just hopping right into getting a divorce. I am not saying that separation is necessarily a good thing, but I believe that divorce can be better than divorce. Granted, separating can be hard on families. I have been on both sides of separation. I have been  child and my parents separating over and over again, and I have even separated from my husband once in our marriage, but played the “I am leaving you” game plenty of times.

I think some couples get a couple of things confused when they decide to separate. If you are separated from your spouse at this time, or you have talked about separating, make sure that you are understanding what you are doing, and if you have children, make sure that you realize that they may react negatively towards your decision.

After my youngest child was born, I suffered from PPD (Post Partum Depression) and like I had described before, my husband and and I had been completely disconnected for a long time. I was suffering from depression and he was so busy working to make ends meet and we were just distant. We were constantly arguing and it was just a really rough time in our marriage. Our kids were young and we had a newborn and we thought that it would be best to separate. One of the things that we didn’t consider was how the kids would react. We didn’t talk to the kids or explain anything, I just up and left with the kids! It was during the summer time so I made it like a summer vacation…without Dad! The kids started acting out. I was even more depressed trying to juggle everything together. When we did talk, we threw around divorce a lot. That is just some of our story!

Some things to consider or think about before or if you are currently separated:

  • Your children- If you are constantly fighting, then yes, maybe it is time for a little break. But, sometimes it is good to let your children know that marriages aren’t perfect. I used to have it in my mind that my children would always see my marriage as perfect and no fighting! But, if we never allow our children to see us argue sometimes, then aren’t we setting them up for disappointment? Think about some of the things your children might go through if you were to separate. The changes that it would make in their lives.
  • What exactly is separation- A lot of people separate and they think that they can immediately take off their wedding rings and are single. Separation is to HELP your marriage, not to make it worse. When you are separated, it doesn’t mean you are divorced or single–it means that you are taking time away from your spouse (with hopes of working things out) and you are working on your marriage.
  •  Keeping contact with your spouse while you are separated- Sometimes it is good to keep in contact with your spouse. If you are thinking of any hopes or futures with your spouse, keep all contact positive. Meet up for a date for just the two of you! Send cute text messages! Send her flowers! Don’t waste your time grooming for a relationship that isn’t with your spouse…put the effort into working on the marriage that you already have! Work on forgiving! Get in church and really seek God during this time!

It is crazy how people will get separated and start sleeping around with other people and making relationships with them. It’s “play” time. I don’t think that’s what separation is about.

Lord, I pray for all the couples are going through separation. I pray that couples start realizing how valuable their marriage is. I pray that you open the eyes of the ones that are separated. I pray that all communication is not negative but positive communication. I pray that you will restore marriages that don’t feel like they have any hope! I pray for all marriages!

Until next time… be encouraged!

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It’s the Little Things That Matter..

Okay, so, in all honestly, I have had a hard time keeping up with posting. The point of this month was to post about some of the things that would help, encourage, and to let other couples know that they aren’t the only one to go through things! But, I had something else I wanted to share. Sometimes, marriage can be really hard and stressful, but sometimes, we have to take a second and realize the little things because sometimes it is the little things that matter.

Everyone has just felt awful around our house. Sinuses and allergies have just gotten the best of us! We have all been crabby and short with one another. Last night, I came to bed early. I had a headache. My husband kept the kids quiet and spend time with them–tending to them and getting them to bed. I guess we get in our minds that that is the “Mom’s job..” or at least in my mind it is. I was a stay at home mom for the longest time that I guess I still feel that it’s my responsibility to do everything that relates to taking care of the kids and taking care of the house…so I really appreciates when my husband steps in!

But! That’s not what really caught my attention last night. When my husband finally came to bed, he was the sweetest man on the face of the Earth…to me anyway. He knew I felt awful, and he caressed my hair and he rubbed and ‘karate chopped’ my neck. I was really just starting to notice how sweet he was treating me. Then, he just started telling me all of these sweet things like how I was so beautiful, how that there were billions of people and half of those being women but he would not rather be laying and taking care of any other person, how I was his best friend. I felt like the most important things while he was saying those things to me. I really felt like he meant those things.

So, regardless of the hard times we have had through our marriage, times like last night really make me think more of the good times that we have had instead of dwelling on all of the negative, ugly things in our marriage. Sometimes, we need to get out of these moods of being down and thinking our marriages suck so bad!

As my husband and I were going through marriage counseling, we were taught about love languages. I think that there are 5 different (yes, 5 because I looked it up!)

  1. Words of Affirmation- Hearing or telling the words, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.” Some people just really love words of affirmation. I am really thinking that my love language is the words of affirmation. I don’t need diamonds or fancy thing to know that my husband loves me.
  2. Quality Time- Some people fall in love when you absolutely giving you their undivided attention without any distractions. I am kind of thinking this might be my husband’s love language! He loves just hanging out! He feels loved so much when we are just hanging out on our back porch or out on a date.
  3. Gift- Some people love getting gift! Sending your spouse flowers or picking them up something that they would really like. A lot of women have the love language of getting gifts!
  4. Acts of Service- Showing that you love someone by doing something for them! Picking up one of their chores that they absolutely hate! Picking up something on the way home that you know that your spouse was needing to do. Just basically saying, “Let me do it for you!”
  5. Physical Touch- Now, most people would say, “that’s my husband!” But, it’s not all about the bedroom physical-ness…(yes, I just made that a word!) This love language can be holding hands, kissing foreheads, playing footsie.

So, hearing these love languages, what is yours? I would definitely say mine is either Words of Affirmation or Acts of Service! Nothing says, “I love you,” in my opinion like letting me know how important I am, how good of a job I am doing, or picking up a chore that I absolutely hate (washing dishes!)

Thinking of the love languages, what is your spouse’s love language? What really makes them happy? From now on, or perhaps when you are thinking about the bad times in your marriage, think about your spouse’s love language. If you had to choose one of the five above for your spouse, which one would it be? Make time to think about your spouse’s love language.

There are many things out there one the big web that talks about love languages. There are even self tests if you don’t know what your love language is! Dohhh! Go figure! 🙂

Lord, if we don’t know what our love language is or our spouse’s love language is, begin to show us with our actions with our spouse. Lord, help us to use these love languages while we are connecting with our spouse. And, if we are going through a rough time in our marriages, let our spouse’s react in a positive manner and realize when we are trying to show them love languages. Help us to use our love languages to really build and make our marriages stronger. Thank you, Lord, for helping us with our marriages!

Until next time, be encouraged!!!!

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