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How Can You Help Someone With Your Past/Present Hurts?

As you all know, I’ve shared a lot of my past with you. I have shared my most deepest cuts, but also my triumphs. What are you going through today? 

I have several close people very dear to my heart and also some that I’ve reached out to because of their posts on their social media pages. Just to share a few, one lady is raising her granddaughter because her daughter is in jail. Another lady has two children and trying to make ends meet with her husband that is incarcerated. Another family who is dealing with a loss in their family who committed suicide. And another, who is battling cancer. 

These are all hard stories and situations that God has allowed them to go through. Why? While I was asking myself and the Lord, “God, why do we have to endure such trouble and heartache in our lifetime?” A scripture came to mind. James 1:2 says “Count it all joy when you fall into trials, knowing that testing of your faith produces perservance.” It goes on saying that we should let the perseverance finish its work because it will make us complete and mature. 

So, God wants us to let these trials run it’s course because he has a plan for it-and those plans are good!!! I know whatever you are going through may not feel great, it causes tears and pain, but God promises to turn it in to something good. 

Have you ever heard Joyce Meyer’s testimony? Her father abused her sexually for years. But look at her now! The same story could be us. We serve the same God. 

I’m not saying run out and put your business on full blast, but share your story with people who need to know they aren’t alone in this battle they’re fighting. 

Lord, help us to find joy in the midst of our pains. Help us to find peace. If we have a story, let us find people going through the same or similar things. Let us use our testimonies to better ourselves and encourage others. In Jesus name!!!

Until next time….be encouraged!!! 

The Truth About AshleyMadison.com

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I didn’t even know what AshleyMadison.com was until a couple of days ago when I had noticed that 13 people had shared this blog post about it on Facebook. I knew if that many people were interested in it…I guess it must have been ‘something.’ So, I began looking into this website and was honestly appalled by what I was reading and the listings of people in my area on this site!

The website’s famous logo is, “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Hmm..let that sink in. Over the past couple of days, I have heard news stories, people sharing on Facebook, on Twitter about this ridiculous website. “Females frantically checking this site and adding their husband’s e-mail to see if they are affiliated with this site.” “Spouses buying these programs to see what sites their spouse is on.” Are people really that concerned with their marriage that they have to worry if their spouse is visiting a site like AshleyMadison.com?

The truth about life–about marriage is yes, marriage is hard. Yes, at times, we can feel unappreciated or distant from our spouses. Life gets in the way of marriage. Sometimes, we think that our spouse doesn’t love us anymore because they aren’t the person we married. They don’t show their love. Or maybe, they have even it has came out of their mouths that they don’t love us–or they hate us, or hate our marriage. When our marriage hits a breaking point, some people do give up and get weak. Some people do start looking for attention from the opposite sex because they aren’t getting it from their spouse. Some people do have affairs. The world, the website, is saying that it’s okay to have an affair. It’s all a big secret that won’t get back to your spouse.

The truth of the matter here is that people don’t need a website to find someone to have an affair. The temptation is at work, at the gym, in public, or even in the church. This website might be ”talked about” and flaunted like it’s some solution to fix your life. But, do you really think an affair will fix things in your life? Do you really think that an affair will make things easier? Do you really think you should be finding someone else when you are still committed to a person you vowed for better or worse with?

If you find yourself worried that you spouse is having an affair, maybe you should check your marriage! How can you fix it? Have you prayed about it? Have you talked with someone or did you seek counsel? And if you are that person that is miserable in your marriage and think that “YES!” “And affair is just what I need!” Maybe you need to check yourself.If you think you can seek something better, maybe you should dedicate the effort you put into having an affair, keeping it a secret, deleting texts, deleting phone logs, deleting e-mails…..man! That’s tiring and some work. Put that work into you marriage. Instead of trying to impress the woman who is also married and has a family, buy your wife some flowers and take her to dinner. Instead of sending a dirty picture to the man who is already wearing a wedding ring, try respecting yourself and sending your husband a text message telling him how much you appreciate him and love him and send him a picture of your wedding day!

That’s just my two cents ya’ll…..take it as a grain of salt if you need to, but believe me, it’s true!

Dear God, I pray for marriages! There are temptations on Facebook, on Youtube, on the TV, at our work…Lord help us to see these temptations! Help us to recognize these as a trap from Hell! Lord, restore our marriages! Help us to follow what the Bible says about marriage and apply it to our own marriages. Help us to be cautious of our surroundings. Lord, give us a refreshing mind and a renewing love for our spouses. Help us to remember who we married and why we married them. Help us to set good examples of what a marriage is to our family and children. The world is awful and says that it’s okay to have affairs. Lord, help us not to believe those lies, but to seek Your Truth! In JESUS NAME

Until next time…be encouraged!

Are We Being What Our Husband’s Need?

I would really say that my marriage is good. I am always looking for ways to make my marriage better, because I want my marriage to be best. My husband and I have endured a lot of pain and heartache through our marriage, and I try my best to never let ourselves get to that point of time ever again.

Our church does a little marriage group and we talk and fellowship with other who are married. We share ideas and difficulties of marriage. We try to build each other up. We have been watching this short series of video clips that really make us think about what we can do in our marriage and how we can do better. One of the questions in our group for the women was, “Are we being what our husband’s need?” Immediately, I would like to say yes, I am doing everything I can. But, in all honesty, I think I could always put in more for our marriage. You can always do better, right?

I began looking up some scriptures and wanted to share. Now, don’t just read the scriptures. I really want you to read them while asking, “am I applying this scripture to my husband’s needs?” “How can I do better?” So, here it goes.

Scripture 1) Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

  • I would like to think of myself as a wise woman. I’m not foolish, but oh, have I made some foolish mistakes that could have very well tore my ‘house’ down. I have said and done things that were foolish. I have acted foolish and sometimes, I catch myself STILL acting foolish. Too much foolishness makes one man tired of dealing with it. There is just so much a man can take. (And no, I am not saying he should leave you because you are being difficult or ‘foolish.’
  • What can we do each day to build our house up? How can we build our kids up? How can we build our husband up?
  • What are some ways we act foolish? How can we correct our foolish ways?

Scripture 2) Proverbs 31:12 “She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life.”

  • Did you catch the ALL part? Not just some days. Not just the days we feel like it, but ALL days! MY husband and I have almost spent a decade with each other and I’m guilty…. I have not brought my husband good ALL the days of our marriage. As a matter of fact, year 2-6 was completely awful in our marriage. I brought him more bad and harm than good. I am not saying he was the innocent one, either. And I do know that in a marriage, it takes 100%-100%, not 50-50!
  • How can we do good to our husband? How do you catch yourself bringing harm to your husband? I know that I have shot my husband with awful words. I have cut him down a lot. I know that when I get aggravated, I need to watch my words.

Scripture 3) Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction us on her tongue.”

  • Okay, going back to being wise. No, I have not always been wise in my marriage. I just admitted that I haven’t always spoke with prettiest, most nicest words… I have been mean. I haven’t always depending on God to lead me in instruction. I have had the mentality of, “Oh, I will pray to God when I need Him…but until then, God can stay in my little box.” Not very smart, huh?
  • What are some ways that you can speak with more wisdom? How can you speak wisdom to your spouse or kids? Is the instruction on your tongue faithful?

These are just some of the things that I have had on my heart tonight. I wanted to share. I know that there are tons of things that I am still having to deal with in my marriage. I want to be a great wife. I want to encourage other women to be good wives to their husband’s as well.

Lord, please help us to keep your scriptures close to our hearts and in our minds so that we can reflect on them and put them into our daily lives and in our marriages. Show us what our spouse’s need and help us to be obedient and submissive and want to serve our spouses. Help us to be Proverbs gals. In Jesus’ Name!

Until next time…be encouraged!!!

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Why Everyone Should Have an Accountability Person!

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If you would have asked me a year ago if I had someone that ‘holds me accountable,’ I would have thought that I didn’t need an accountability person, that was something for Celebrating Recovery programs! I have had a big revelation, and I think that everyone should have someone that can hold them accountable for their actions, the way they live, and just everyday things.

We all have girlfriends, guys we hang out with and even our spouses, but are they doing what they need to be doing to hold us accountable? Okay, picture this. You are having issues with your spouse, you are in the wrong, you tell your girlfriend’s and they have your back (even though you are in the wrong as well!) See, there is a difference between a friend and someone that can hold you accountable. Someone that holds you accountable would be the one who does tell you that you are wrong as well, or give you a better scenario of how you could have done better.

I think that is sometimes why marriages fail or that they have so much issues is because we don’t have that person to tell us that we are making mistakes in our relationships, in our parenting, in our daily lives. They are people that have our back, that will have our side, that will bad mouth our spouses and make things worse! That’s not somebody that will hold you accountable. And true friend’s might be honest. They might be people that hold you accountable, and that’s great. I just see a lot of people that have issues in their lives, and they don’t have the support that they need. They have people telling them what they want to hear.

Do you know why people who are married doesn’t tell their parents or family their marriage problems? Because parents and family usually turn against the spouse that they are not kin to. Have you ever caught yourself talking about your spouse to your friend’s or your family? Have your friends agreed along with you and started talking poorly about your spouse? It is kind of like the saying, “adding fuel to the fire.”

My point, find someone that will be honest with you. Find someone who will not sugar coat your life and tell you the things that you want to hear. Yes, you will always have that friend who if you have issues with your husband, so will they….I am not saying kick those friend’s to the curb…but, be careful what you share with that friend.

I am thinking about a friend of mine. She’s actually been married way longer than I have and every single time I see her, she has something negative to say about her husband. She is never going to divorce him, I know that. But, her and her husband do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. Instead of chiming in with her saying, “Oh yeah, he’s a dirtbag, piece of crap….!” No, I try to tell her something positive. I tell her to try to be more patient. I tell her to not stop praying for her husband. She appreciates me doing that. For one reason why I try to not sugar coat or hold people accountable, especially in their marriage is because they appreciate it later. Everyone needs that.

Lord, I know we have issues in our lives. Life is hard. But, please help us to be wise about who we share things with. Help us to have someone that will hold us accountable. Help us to hold our spouse’s accountable. Just be with us and guide us. In Jesus’ name!

Until next time…be encouraged!

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When Your Marriage Doesn’t Work Out..

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I’ve had a lot of people ask me about divorce. What I thought of divorce, how to cope with divorce, what to do if your spouse doesn’t want you anymore…ect. Even though I have never experienced divorce first hand, I have had witnessed many of my friends and family go through divorce or divorces. I was a child that witnesses her parents getting divorced.

I was talking to one of my friend’s, who recently got served with divorce papers. I often ask them how things are going and how the kids are coping with it. My heart really goes out to marriages who are cracked or completely broken and aren’t getting repaired. Divorce is truly the most devastating heartbreak next to death. Divorce is often compared to death because something inside you dies along with you when you read that your divorce is final.

So, what do you do when your marriage ‘just doesn’t work?’ I hate reading people’s posts on Facebook about them getting divorced and people tell them, “Well, there are more fish in the sea!” Yeah, there are more people out there, but that’s probably the last thing on someone’s mind when they are enduring such a heartache, So, my advice to you if your marriage just didn’t work.

Make the best of it- If there are kids involved, then try to stay strong for yourself so that you can be strong for them. IF you are the custodial parent, don’t play games with kid’s. Just because you are hurt doesn’t mean that you can use the kids as bait. Be fair. When you make decisions, keep your and your children’s best interest at heart.

Pray!- If you believe in God, take this hardest time in your life to get close to God. Pray that he will give you strength. There are many scriptures that talk about God’s strength, and His power. I know that at the beginning of your divorce, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there! Hang on my friend.

Don’t be too quick to look for the ‘other fish’- Yeah, you will always have that one friend who wants to go out and get crap faced to celebrate divorce. That’s twisted! Divorce is nothing to celebrate unless you have been in an abusive relationship and have gotten out alive! Don’t try to go out and get a rebound, have one night stands, ect.. That’s never any good and most importantly…keep in mind “Will I regret this later?” “Will this set a good example for my kids?”

If your are too low, get help!- I have talked about suicide on this blog, and I am not necessarily talking about people committing suicide..but a divorce is heartbreaking. Yes, there is a time for YOU to grieve by yourself, but if the pain gets even ALMOST unbearable, seek help! Get with some positive friends, someone that will hold you accountable. If there are no positive people that you can turn to, go find a church and there are plenty of pastor’s that will counsel with you!

If you are going through a divorce and need prayer, please don’t hesitate to message me at encouragemovement@gmail.com.

Lord, I pray for all those marriages that just haven’t worked out for whatever reason. It says in Your word, Lord, that whoever is brokenhearted, that you draw close to them! Lord, draw close and let these brokenhearted people feel your love. Give them strength on how to deal with this heartbreaking time. Give us wisdom.

Until next time….be encouraged!!!

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Who’s in Your Profile Picture?

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I’ve picked my brain for several days trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. I would start a post and then wouldn’t ‘feel right’ about what I posted. Everything I post, I want God to be a part of it. I know I talk a lot about Social Media and being careful on how you present yourself. What you put on Social Media reflects parts of your life. What are you showing the World?

While my husband and I were going through some of the hardest seasons of our lives, I am sure if people on our social media sites poked around enough, they would see that we were going through hard times. You notice a lot just by song lyrics, single pictures, promiscuous looking pictures, quotes, ect… I know that when I was having trouble with my marriage, I would have pictures of just me and the kids because 1) I wasn’t spending enough time with my spouse. 2) I didn’t want to post pictures of him. (not because I was looking for anything outside of my marriage, but just because I was fed up..) 3) He wasn’t posting things about us, so I wasn’t posting things about us.

When my husband and I had our big revelation in our marriage over a year ago, I realized how much of my life I shared on social media, and how many pictures I didn’t capture of us! One day, my husband was looking for a picture of himself and asked me…I searched my phone that I had been using for 2 years and found 4 pictures of my husband! This made me sad..

I’m not trying to shoot down people that just have themselves on their profile pictures…that’s okay. You were having a good makeup and hair day or you’ve gained a lot of muscles so you want to post it and brag. That’s okay. All I am saying is..watch what you put on Social Media. What we post on Social Media truly defines us. It’s okay to post all these things from time to time, but be sure to post positive things about your marriage as well. BE SURE TO NEVER POST ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT SHOOTS YOUR SPOUSE DOWN OR DEGRADES YOUR SPOUSE….I DON’T CARE HOW BIG A’ PIECE CRAP YOU THINK THEY ARE. CALLING THEM OUT ON FACEBOOK NOT ONLY SHOWS THE WORLD YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS, BUT IT SHOWS YOUR TRUE CHARACTER AS WELL! REMEMBER THAT!

If you are having a hard time in your relationship, don’t make it obvious by posting obvious things on your page that will get the attention of others. Sometimes, like in my case, I didn’t realize until AFTER THE FACT that I was doing it. So, I wanted to write on it..

If you post single pictures- and you are doing it for attention of the opposite sex. You might want to check yourself.

If you post picture of yourself- and you are getting more likes from the opposite sex and one of those likes from the opposite sex isn’t from your spouse. You might want to check yourself.

If you are putting pictures of yourself- without shirt, low cut shirts, bikinis, and making obvious that you have nothing to do with your spouse.. you might want to check yourself.

If you are liking pictures of the opposite sex- and you are in a committed relationship or married…you might want to check yourself.

Maybe your spouse hates taking pictures. Make it a point to WANT to take a picture with them. Just because your marriage is going through a hard time don’t let that define your whole marriage. Make your spouse feel good by posting a picture of your wedding day, a special day or your anniversary! Post a picture of your family or better yet, post a picture of just your spouse. This will make your spouse feel valued and special. If you are having a hard time in your marriage, this doesn’t mean that you need to find a temporary fix with someone else or that you need to start looking for a back-up plan just in case your marriage don’t work out.

Lord, Social Media can be a great place to keep up with friends and family, but it can also be used as a huge marriage trap. It can destroy marriage and us not even be aware of it. Lord, let us have the eyes to see and help us to be on guard. Lord, help us to be smart about the things that we post on Social Media sites. Help us by strengthening our marriage and giving us a refreshment in our marriage.

Until next time….be encouraged.

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How My Abortion Has Almost Ruined My Life…

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I got an e-mail from a lady who had read one of my articles about Teen Parenting. After reading it, I thought everyone should know her story on abortion. There are so many women out there that are using abortion for their birth control. There are so many women who are going into abortion clinics and are blind as to what is going to happen. If you have read anything of mine, you would already know that I am Pro-Life. I would rather see parents make an adoption plan or parent the baby rather than have an abortion. People think that abortion is the ‘quick fix,’ but it’s not. Here is our guests story.

I was a senior in high school and I had the college I wanted to attend already picked out with a scholarship to go along with it. One night at a party I had a little too much to drink and one thing lead to another. I had a one night fling with someone who I thought was my friend, but turned out he was a whole different person when he realized that I was pregnant. He also had a full scholarship to go play baseball. He told me “he wasn’t ready to be a dad and that I should just take care of it.” I didn’t tell a soul, even though rumors began to fly.

One morning, I got up, told my parents that I wanted to drive out to the campus that I was planning to attend in the fall, but instead, I had found an abortion clinic that I was going to go to. I had already talked to them on the phone and made an appointment. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked in and it was like a normal doctor’s office. There were some pregnant ladies in there that were even obviously showing in their pregnancy. The informed me I wouldn’t see anything. I was only 5 weeks along, so it would be a quick process. I remember just closing my eyes and hearing the most awful sounds.

I got home and couldn’t sleep for days. I was depressed. A couple days later, my mom pulled me aside and asked about my abortion. She had seen the paperwork that was sent home with me under the seat of my car. She told me I was to tell nobody. She was in shock. We were Christians and always had been involved in the church. She couldn’t believe what I had done.

I went on to college, and my life somewhat normal. I had weird dreams about the abortion..even years later down the line. I met the guy of my dreams at college. We graduated and got married shortly after. He was so excited to start having children, but I had a heavy heart and couldn’t stop thinking about the baby I had aborted 5 years earlier. I got pregnant really quick. He (my husband) couldn’t wait to text a picture to everyone of the positive pregnancy test. Everyone was excited. Just 3 weeks later, I miscarried the baby that I was pregnant with. It was like a slap in the face. I had lost a baby all over again. My husband was stayed pretty positive. After 4 miscarriages, I told him I wanted to stop trying for a little while. This began to cause problems in our marriage..big ones.

By this point, I am taking a medication for anxiety attacks and a sleep aid. I visited my ob/gyn. She informed me that scarring from the abortion was keeping me from being able to carry a child. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All my husband wanted was a family…and I wasn’t able to give him children. I didn’t know what to say.

Now, it’s been almost 11 years since my abortion. I have still yet to get pregnant. I am divorced. I did come out and tell my ex-husband about my abortion. I have told my closest friend from high school. I don’t want this to seem like a bad, awful story with a cruddy ending. But I have had to endure a lot of heartache.

I saw my ex-husband quickly remarry and have a child within the first year of marriage. My Dad wants to comfort me, but he doesn’t know the whole story about my abortion. My mother and I haven’t had a good relationship since the blow-up we had when she found my abortion papers. Yes, she accepts me, but is my closer to my older sister and brother who live great lives. My life is full of blessings, but I wish I wouldn’t have ever had an abortion. It’s caused physical, emotional and mental issues with me. I volunteer my time sitting outside the same abortion clinic trying to talk girls out of it. I don’t want to shove it down anyone’s throat..but I want people to be aware. Don’t make the same heartless, selfish decision that I did.

I am grateful for our guest for sharing her story with us. Wow. You truly never know what it’s like to go through an abortion. Society covers it up good and makes it like it’s a quick problem solver, but never goes into details about the possible risks that come with it. If you are someone who is pregnant and thinking of abortion, please consider making an adoption plan and giving your baby a life. Feel free to e-mail me and talk–completely confidential.

If you are suffering after having an abortion, you are not in this alone. Please reach out to someone and talk things over.

Please like, share, and tell us your thoughts. Are you a teen parent with a story? We want to hear from you!

Lord, I pray for all these teenagers that are facing the hard decision of abortion, making an adoption plan or to parent the baby. Give us courage, Lord, courage to make the right decision, courage to stand up for what is right, and courage if we have made a decision we regret. Give us strength each day and guide us as we are going through this. In Jesus Name!

Until next time….be encouraged!

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