Can Marriages Survive After An Affair?
I don’t know how many times that I Googled or looked on Pinterest about marriages and if there was a chance for them to survive after an affair. I will just be honest with you and save you many hours of searching…the statistics are NOT good. Affairs that occur during marriages usually cause marriages to end because the spouse that has been betrayed feels as if they can’t go on, they can never trust their spouse again, or that they can’t get over the fear that their spouse will cheat again. But, if you are Christian…or even if you are not a Christian and have a strong positive attitude about your marriage, then yes, your answer is that marriages can survive after an affair.
If you and your spouse have decided to work on your marriage, if your spouse is sorry for cheating, if you can forgive..then there is not doubt that you can survive an affair. It will never be an easy task on learning to forgive, learning to trust, learning to connect back to your spouse. None of those tasks are easy after an affair has occurred in a marriage.
If you are having issues after finding out your spouse has had an affair, there are several decisions that you need to make:
Can you get over an affair? Getting over an affair is one of the biggest problems. If you are not able to get over an affair, your marriage will not survive it. There will be many days that you will think that you will never get over it. But there are many different processes that we go through during the healing process. Like I have shared, I was shocked, in disbelief, hurt, depressed, sad, angry, bitter, unforgiving, and hateful. The more time that passed, the easier I began to accept what had happened in my marriage.
Finding it in you to trust again- Even after a year has passed, I will be honest, I STILL have days where I don’t trust my husband. But, I realize that on the days I don’t trust him, it’s not because he is doing anything wrong, it’s because it’s just a thought that’s entered into my mind. Marriages that haven’t dealt with affairs, they deal with trust issues. If you can TRY to trust again, then that is a step to helping your marriage survive. We don’t have to trust all the time. We will have bad days..but if we will have more trusting days than not trusting then we are letting our marriage survive! I’m not talking about after the couple of days that you have found out. For at least a month, I was looking at phones bills a thousand times a day, I was calling his work to make sure he was there, I was checking his phone constantly, I was driving by the woman’s house making sure she was doing what I thought she should be doing…but as time has passed…I don’t do that stuff anymore.
Getting connected again- Again with my experience. I didn’t allow myself to get connected at first, and that’s okay if you don’t either. If you are hurt, allow yourself time to hurt. If there was a ”near death experience” in a marriage, an affair would be it. If you encountered a ”near death experience” it would most likely mess you up and you are entitled to it. But, if we encounter things like that we work towards healing. Once the healing begins, it’s important to get back connected to your spouse again. It’s important to connect because obviously being disconnected from each other helped the affair occur. (Please don’t take that as me blaming you for the affair–affairs happen because husbands and wives don’t have a strong marriage and they are tempted and they are weak and it happens.)
Marriages survive affairs every day, but they also fail after an affair as well. It is your choice to on whether or not you seek healing for your brokenness and you begin to keep the attitude that, “Nothing or nobody will come between my marriage!” “I don’t care what has happened, it is about to be about what’s going to happen!” “That woman or man that was with my spouse doesn’t matter!”
Lord, I pray that husband’s and wives that have had to deal with an affair in their marriages choose to let their marriage survive. Lord, help us to choose healing and seek healing for our marriage! Lord, we ask You to restore our marriage! Lord, help up and show us how to make our marriages survive and thrive. I ask you, Lord, that you help us to forgive and move on! Help us and guide us. In Jesus’ Name…AMEN!
Until next time…be encouraged!!!