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Figuring Out Your Marriage After an Affair.


The Choices You Need To Make After Your Spouse Has Had An Affair

Obviously, you have several choices to make when trying to figure out what you are going to do after you have found out that your spouse has had an affair. 1) You can get even. 2) You can get a divorce. 3) You can decide to make your marriage work. Trust me, if you find out that your spouse has had an affair, then all of these (plus even some I didn’t mention) might come to your mind. But, nobody can make the decision for you-not your family, friends, or even your spouse. The choice of how you handle your spouse’s affair is all on you.

Getting even- It went through my mind many of times! And during our arguments, it wouldn’t make things easier when my husband would say, “I wish you would, then you would realize how much that person DOESN’T mean to you!” I had many times where I felt like I wanted to get even with my husband or even to the woman who I thought came between my marriage. And there were even days where I thought I would do ugly things towards them both and get my piece of getting even. When I thought it would make me feel better after I attempted to hurt them, it just made me feel awful because that wasn’t the person I was. I didn’t have it in me to cheat on my husband and try to pay him back that way. I surely didn’t have it in me to sleep with a married man. I didn’t have it in my to fight the woman. I had my mean, angry days, but like I said, it didn’t get me anywhere. It made me even more bitter. Getting even is never the answer. Have you ever heard the quote, “Don’t get mad, get even?” Yeah, forget that quote.

Get a divorce- Yes, many affairs are ended in divorce. There are many spouses that just can’t get over their spouse having an affair. There were many days where I thought to myself, “I just don’t think I can make this marriage work.” I didn’t think that I could make the marriage work because I couldn’t get over the fact that he had cheated. I couldn’t get over the fact that he had lied. I couldn’t get over the fact that the woman knew my life and still did it anyway. I just couldn’t get over anything! I thought it would have been easy to just get a divorce and start over. But, divorces are messy. I have never experienced a divorce for myself, but I have experienced divorces of friends, parents and family. It is awful. If there is anything in you that says that you still love your marriage, and if there is anything in you that says that you can still remember the person that you married and fell in love with…you don’t want to consider divorce. Divorce isn’t the easy way out like everyone things they are.

Make your marriage work- If you have an ounce in you that says you don’t want to lose your spouse..whether it be because you love them, you two have been married a long time, you have children together, ect..if there is any ounce in you that doesn’t feel that divorce is the way to go..don’t do it. Why are divorce rates up so much? Because people don’t want to stick it out. People don’t want to put forth the effort in their marriage. People forget their vows. If you have decided to stick it out in your marriage, get divorce out of your vocabulary. Don’t dwell on divorce. Don’t think about divorce. Yes, it’s easy for divorce to creep in your mind on your hardest days..but tell that word to GO TO HELL!

Like I’ve said, nobody can’t make your decision for you. You have to make that decision on your own.

Lord, I pray for these marriages. I pray for the spouses that are at a crossroads in their marriage and they don’t know what they want. Lord, help us to remember that we don’t need to get even because it just makes us more bitter and doesn’t get us any further. Lord, help us to forgive when we want to pay people back that do us wrong. Lord, help us in our decision making. Lord, show us the big picture, not the easiest picture. Help us Lord, on our weakest days. We love you Lord. Amen.

Until next time…be encouraged!

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