One of the hardest things to deal with after an affair is trusting again. Speaking from my experience, I not only had problems trusting my husband, but everyone in my life. You see, even though my spouse and I were so disconnected from one another, I still held on to the idea that he would never cheat on me. Once that trust had been broken, it’s never easy to get back, but it IS possible!!!
There are several steps that you can take in order to start building your trust back with your spouse and others (if you’re experiencing that you can’t trust anyone.)
Spend time with your spouse: I believe the more time we sirens talking to our spouses, the more we understand why they did what they did. We will still be angry at times and there will be days where things will be okay. One thing we have to remember is that or marriage didn’t get ruined overnight, it can’t be fixed overnight. Once you and your spouse can become ‘friends’ again, the closer you will become and the more your trust will grow.
Don’t keep assuming they’ll cheat again- This was one of my biggest issues when trying to heal from being lied to. I always assumed my husband was still cheating. If he was home a minute late or didn’t answer his text messages right away, I immediately got mad and began assuming. If I could take it back, I wish I would have known then what I know now. If your spouse is still around, if they are truly sorry and truly trying in your marriage, you have no reason not to believe them. I stayed on our phone bill, crawled through the floor in the middle of the night to get his phone and check it, stalk the woman involved in the affair. (I don’t like using the term “other woman” because they’re not the other woman. They never were. You are the only one and were then too! Remember that!) I drive myself insane. Unless your spouse gives you a rain, drive yourself insane with it! It makes us miserable!
Try in your marriage- If you’ve already made a commitment to stick it out in your marriage, part of it is trying and choosing to trust. When we don’t allow ourselves to forgive and heal from being lied to we aren’t allowing ourselves to trust or spouses. If they are truly sorry, try not to make them pay. Trust me, I made my husband pay way to much! He finally told me one day, in tears, that he was doing his best and didn’t know how to do better.
When give been betrayed, it’s hard to trust again, but it’s possible. Just remember that when we have bad days to try not to make our spouses pay too much. Let them know you’re having a hard day. Be open with your spouse. This is part of getting back to being connected and communicating with your spouse. Engender that time and God heals all wounds. Ask God how to show you how to trust again and He will.
Lord, I lift up all the husbands wives that are struggling in their marriage after has had an affair. I know You don’t want to see us struggle in our marriage. Hello us to learn to trust again because it’s so hard to trust after trust has been broken. Help restore our trust and our marriage. Give us strength not to give up in our marriage. Amen!
Until next time…be encouraged!!!