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Learning to Forgive After an Affair

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Unforgiveness is a prison that we get trapped in when someone that we love or really care for hurt us. It can take a significant amount of time to forgive someone after they hurt you, especially after they have cut you really deep. This blog post is talking about my struggle with forgiveness after I found out about my husband’s affair.

Before I found out about my husband’s affair, I talked and preached on forgiveness. I believed that you needed to forgive someone right away. I thought forgiveness was some easy thing, and when people would tell me about their hurts, I would tell them they needed to forgive that other person. It was a whole different story when it came to my situation though. Forgiving wasn’t as easy as preaching about it.

I didn’t know the other woman, although, for some strange reason, we were Facebook friends during the time she was talking to my husband. I knew nothing about her though. I think that was one thing that bothered me so much, is that a complete stranger had helped do so much damage in my marriage. I was convinced I hated her. I could not see her name without getting upset. I could not see her car without wanting to chase her down and harass her. I could not see an innocent post that she posted on Facebook without wanting to reveal to the world about who she “really was” and what she had done to me and my family.

I started searching for so many different things..praying God to heal me of my hurts..I wanted to just live a normal life and not have to worry about forgiveness. I thought since Facebook was bothering me so much seeing all her things being posted, that I would block her.  So, I guess you could say that I was just pushing it under the rug. I wanted it, but didn’t want to take the actions to get there. So anything to do with her made me mad all over again. Her and my husband work together and continued working at the same place and that would make me mad just knowing that they had the chance of running into one another. The more self conscious I got, the more worry came over me, the more angry I became!

My husband and I was at the store when we ran into her and her family one Sunday and it just rolled all over me.. I was mad and my husband had not even seen her. I made my husband pay for the affair that he had had 8 months prior to running into her. I was miserable. I was making my husband miserable. I wasn’t fulfilling my promise on doing my best to work on the marriage.

It wasn’t until almost  year after the affair, I was with my children at the store and saw her car in the parking lot. Instead of getting all riled up, I began to pray. I prayed that God would help me and help me to be prepared because it was a small store and I was most likely going to see  her. I just remember rushing through the store saying to myself, “Lord, help me..give me strength…thank you for healing me.” Sure enough, I passed the woman and I was able to successfully smile at her. I felt relieved. I felt that healing had started. I praised God.

I had unblocked her several months before running into her at the store because I felt that I wasn’t allowing myself to forgive by keeping her blocked. A couple of days ago, it came up in my newsfeed that she had “liked” something I said. It didn’t really bother me. I realized then, I was being healed even more.

Unforgiveness is like a prison. It took me almost a year to make up my mind to forgive her and deal with the problem. It was extremely hard for me because it was someone I shared a town with and would run into from time to time. It was someone my husband still shares the same employer with. Our children attend the same school. If I had to look back, I would have definitely done a lot of things differently, but I believe God has let me see this hard situation so I can minister and share my story with the world.

I can’t tell you how to forgive or how to take steps to forgiveness because I am sitting here still in disbelief that I have been able to come as far as I have. Especially after seeing some of my worst days. My advice, trust God. Ask Him. Remember how God has forgiven us and how bad we want to be forgiven. We sin and do wrong and expect to be forgiven, so I try to offer that same grace to others.

Let me pray for you. Lord, I know how hard it is to forgive someone that has done us wrong. Lord, show us how to forgive because it is our human nature to hate people that have done us wrong. Lord, show us grace and help us to show grace. Lord, thank you for restoring our marriages and giving us strength. We love you, Lord and we thank you!

“Not forgiving someone is like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die.” Author Unknown

Like, Share, Pin this post and encourage someone who is trying to forgive after an affair! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post as I give more encouragement on how to deal and get over our spouse’s having an affair!

Until next time…be encouraed!!

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