As I shared yesterday a little bit of mine and my husband’s testimony, I shared of the problems and issues we had leading up to the affair. It isn’t that I am trying to excuse an affair that’s happened, but in our case, I knew our marriage wasn’t perfect. It was far from perfect and we were emotionally, physically and mentally detached from one another. I always thought that having an affair was something our marriage would never experience. Why? I don’t know.
Something to remember if your spouse has had an affair is that just because he or she has had an affair, it doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t love you. It took me awhile to grasp on to this because my husband had hurt me a great deal. But, one thing that God showed me on days that I didn’t feel like my husband loved me is that my husband never left me for the other woman. He was still there. He had made a mistake and he knew it. God also showed me the times where I had messed up, not only in my marriage, but in my lifetime. I considered myself a Christian, but I did things displeasing to God. I knew my sins were displeasing to God. Did it mean I didn’t love God? No, that wasn’t the case at all. I sin and I have sinned, but still love God. Our spouses hurt us, but they still love us.
When we say for better or worse, we never want to think about what the “worse” is in our marriage because we have our heads in the cloud thinking just only about good. A person never expects for their spouse to get cancer. A person never expects their spouse to have an affair. It’s something that we never mentally prepare ourselves for, but we have a choice to make it work and stick together with our spouses.
Betrayal. Of course, we will feel betrayed. For many months after I found out about the affair, I still felt betrayed and I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. I just kept in prayer on my worse days. Yes, I have lashed out plenty of times and accused my husband so much that it was unfair to him.
Looking back on a year from now, I would have tried to do a lot of things differently. This past year, I haven’t been the best person to forgive my husband or the woman involved in the affair with my husband. For months, I blamed him and rubbed his face in it. My default was hurt and mad. I wouldn’t get over the fact at what my husband had did..even though he was there waiting on me hand and foot and treating me like a Queen. He had never tried so hard in our marriage and I had never tried so hard to push him away. I kept the mentality that he was going to do it again and that I should just treat him awful and run him off as quickly as possible. This was AFTER I had already committed to sticking it out and work on our marriage. I wish I would have allowed myself to forgive more freely.
I pray that anyone who has discovered that their spouse has had an affair that God start healing their broken heart and restoring their marriage. I pray that God gives them wisdom on how to deal with mistakes. I pray that God shows them grace. I believe that God wants to see all marriages succeed. He doesn’t ever want to see families being torn apart. But, I believe that God knows and sees our hurts, He cares for us.
I pray that this shines some light of encouragement on you and your marriage. If you have decided to stick things out, try your best to forgive, remember to pray, and let God restore your marriage. Tune in tomorrow for more encouragement.
Until next time…be encouraged.